Because The Future Is Uber - Part V (1182 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.56 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by gamma (View user info) at 2004-08-02 14:45:09 EDT
Part 1 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/39530
Part 2 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/39626
Part 3 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/39787
Part 4 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/40115
========================================================================
Shark25 and LadyPlural looked up. They were faced by a creature shaped like a human who was toting a sword. Despite having the general shape and features of a man, this beast was at least eight feet tall, had four arms, and muscles that would make Hulk Hogan seem like a Japanese schoolgirl.
"Who the hell are you? And what are you doing here?" asked the creature.
"Frolicking in the sand, what does it look like?" replied Shark25.
"We don't take well to visitors on this planet. It is our home, and nobody should be here but us", said the being as he took a step forward.
Out of nowhere, Matt Maiorano leapt out and stuck one thumbnail in each of the creature's eyes.
"ARRRRRRGH. You will regret what you have done. You are a pitiful race", shouted the beast in agony, reaching for his weapon.
"You idiot! You just might have started a battle we're not ready, nor equipped to fight!" screamed AlwaysAnEagle at Matt Maiorano.
The beast swung his sword randomly in an attempt avenge himself. WillZone ran over to confront the assailant.
"PANG", rang the sound of metal on metal.
"Beeeeeep beep. You cannot hurt me, I am a robot. ah ah ah! ah ah ah!", mocked the android.
WillZone reached for the creature's sword and ripped it out of his hands. A red beam pierced the beast's forehead, a second one in his chest, and third one in his stomach. The once menacing body fell to the ground. Everyone turned to see Hidden101, AlahAckbar, and Method still aiming their lasers and their fallen foe. Beside them, the Smurf was hiding behind a mound of sand.
"Let's get the fuck out of here before more of them come", said AlahAckbar.
The troops gathered their supplies while WillZone radioed Bart to explain what had just happened.
"Alright, I'm sending the shuttle down to pick you guys up. Get back to the landing zone", ordered Bart.
Bart turned to NerfHerder and Burn and said: "Burn, take the shuttle back to the planet. Nerfherder, go with him and bring this laser and these grenades, just in case."
"Yes Sir", answered the two in unison.
Guns in hands, the team began their trek back to their point of origin.
"Oh shit. What's that in the distance?" asked LadyPlural.
"Looks like a fucking army of those guys", said Method.
"And they're coming fast", added Hidden101.
"There's no way we're going to make it past them. We have to fight!" exclaimed AlahAckbar.
"What do you want me to do?" asked the Smurf.
"You're small enough that they might not see you. Try to slip by them and meet the shuttle. Send help." commanded AlahAckbar.
The Smurf started running as the others began firing at the onslaught before them. A few bodies fell to the ground, but it was insignificant compared to the number that was charging ahead. The enemy's attack consisted of spears, arrows, and swords.
"There's too many of them, it's no use!" screamed Hidden101.
A spear landed on AlahAckbar's foot.
"AAH! FUCK!" screamed AlahAckbar in pain.
"I'll fix it up once we get out of this mess", said LadyPlural.
"Drop your weapons, and we will consider sparing your lives", shouted what seemed to be the leader of the beasts.
"Lets do as they say guys...We don't stand a fighting chance", said Shark25.
The group dropped their guns, and threw their hands in the air.
"What the fuck are you going to do to us?" asked Method.
"Be quiet" replied the leader.
The leader made a few hand gestures, and several of his men immediately moved forward to tie up and blindfold their captives.
A few hours had passed. The Smurf had managed to slip by undetected. He made his way to the landing zone and spotted NerfHerder and Burn.
"We've got to get help! The rest of the team is trying to fight off those beasts. I don't know what happened, but we have to hurry!" shouted the Smurf in exasperation.
"We should return to Bart", said NerfHerder.
The three men boarded the shuttle and headed back to the mother ship.
"This is terrible! We need a team to rescue those pour souls. However, I cannot in good conscience force more citizens into such danger. We need to gather volunteers", said Bart.
Bart spoke into the intercom: "Hello citizens of Uber. We have sent a team of people to explore the new planet. Unfortunately, they face grave danger against the residents of this planet. We need volunteers for a rescue mission. Please report to the captain's deck if you wish to contribute."
WiKi and Shitfuck were engaging in coitus from behind when the message echoed through their ears. WiKi pulled forward as Shitfuck's member slipped out mid-thrust. Lost in the moment, Shitfuck's manhood hit her left buttock, and a loud pop was heard.
"Ow! What the fuck woman?"
"Come on, we have to go save Method!" exclaimed WiKi.
"Fine, you owe me after this though. I'll have my way with you", responded Shitfuck.
Lojope and munkeypants were in the midst of giving a strip show to spedmonkey. Hearing Bart's words, the two stopped in the middle of their act and looked at each other.
"You wanna go?" asked Lojope.
"Anything to get away from being Bart's slave!" exclaimed munkeypants.
"I'm coming too!" said spedmonkey.
When jme7551 heard that Hidden101 was in a life threatening situation, she jumped over the bar and ran to the captain's deck. There, she was met by the five people who would make up the rescue team.
User Reviews
Submitted by Commie_bastard (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
After reading this, I've decided to leave ubersite forever. Lasers? Creature swords?
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry I missed this.
Good work.
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-08-11 13:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm with sped.
Tomorrow's SPT.. better post today!
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-09 12:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Part VI. Now.
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-04 12:02:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
joy. retaliatory -2s!
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-08-04 11:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dear gammamyass
I'm so cool.
Bye.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-03 13:59:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Me and shitfuck, with four of you lovely ladies?
Oh, places, indeed.
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-08-03 13:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
me, shitfuck, munkey, lojo, sped, and jme = Rescue Team?
This could go places.
Many places, indeed..
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-08-03 13:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YES!!
Oh Jesus, the amount of love I have for you..
Me + Method
Me + shitfuck
It doesn't get any better.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-08-03 12:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*Sigh* ............................still left out.
I am enjoying this though, even with its complete and total lack of ruthless.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-08-03 04:52:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, I'm so fucking badass.
Submitted by Matt Maiorano at 2004-08-02 23:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When do I get laid?
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-08-02 23:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GOooooood! I now have to go back and +2 the rest. I had to keep reading.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-08-02 20:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
digginit
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-08-02 16:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It better be a HOT alien Gamma.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-02 16:13:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-02 16:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-02 15:07:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
Alah: First question: I don't know why you. Randomly selected.
Second Question: You make me feel all warm and bubbly inside...or something.
Also, I made you throw down your weapons cause who the hell wants AlahAckbar to die?
________________________________________________________________________________________
I can name a few.......
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-08-02 15:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwah. What can I say, gamma? I guess that Shark25's persona is just rather predictable. Hmm, and then I could get jealous, and challenge the alien to mortal combat, and... heh. That amuses me.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-02 15:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Munkey and Lojo, I expect you guys to make that come true this weekend.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-08-02 15:34:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I pwned pulseHead and now the server is fucked...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-02 15:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YAAAAAAY
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-02 15:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-08-02 15:28:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Kick-ass. Have Shark25 try to seduce an alien, just because that would make me chuckle.
================================================================
Get out of my head. Now!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-08-02 15:28:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kick-ass. Have Shark25 try to seduce an alien, just because that would make me chuckle.
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2004-08-02 15:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what squirrel said
-Black Ninja
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-08-02 15:16:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BOO!! HISS!!
I want in damnit!
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-02 15:14:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did they land on the planet of PulseHEAD?
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-02 15:07:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alah: First question: I don't know why you. Randomly selected.
Second Question: You make me feel all warm and bubbly inside...or something.
Also, I made you throw down your weapons cause who the hell wants AlahAckbar to die?
Submitted by LedHead (user info) at 2004-08-02 15:05:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have an idea, in the next installment, have me impaled, my eyes knocked out, my hands lit on fire, and my penis cut off, then I die in agony. Or not, that's what I would do, but I suck. Which you don't! You Rock and Roll all Night.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-02 14:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Let's get the fuck out of here before more of them come", said AlahAckbar."
Tankers never retreat: They just go back for more bullets.
However, this statement: ""AAH! FUCK!" screamed AlahAckbar in pain." is pretty accurate.
Why do I have to be the one with the spear in my foot?
Does it feel good to know that I had already decided to +2 this last week, before it was even written?
Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2004-08-02 14:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another great installment.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-08-02 14:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gold
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-08-02 14:52:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
keep it coming Gamma
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-02 14:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YES!!! I AM GOING TO SAVE THE DAY, I JUST KNOW IT!!!
Lojo's sex tally so far:
1) smack on the ass from Method
2) hot tub with Bart
3) pity sex for Shark
4) massage for Bart
5) strip show for Sped
AWESOME.
Submitted by convicted_child_rapist (user info) at 2004-08-02 14:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
where's the part where I get to rape a child in space?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-02 14:50:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah. Ok.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-02 14:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO STRIPSHOWS WOO!
Submitted by UniBrowZIT (user info) at 2004-08-02 14:46:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Coming along quite nicely...