The Hat That I Just Got. (1134 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.9 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by harmlessness (View user info) at 2004-08-03 18:40:59 EDT
Folks, I just went out to the beach. It's been really rainy in my area, so it's also been very damp and cool.
As I walked onto the beach, my feet sank deep into the sand. If you've ever had the luxury of being on a beach, you'll also know that normally, wet sand does not allow you to sink. Rather, it's almost as hard as regular dirt. This scared the shit out of me, until I realized what it was.
Someone had dug a hole there and neglected to pack a lot of sand back in. They had smoothed the surface over so completely that there was no visual difference between the loose sand and the surrounding sand.
As I started to walk away, my curiosity got the better of me and I returned to the spot. I grabbed a shovel that was stuck in the ground a few feet away and started digging, tossing sand behind me. Then I saw it. A pink triangular shaped piece of fabric lay half-covered in sand. My eyes lit up and the sparkle that they once had suddenly came back.
I kept digging, and with each backwards fling of the shovel, I uncovered more and more of this mysterious object. Was it a pimp jacket with furry pink kitty ears on the shoulder? Was it a furry thong that I could put on and prance around the house, pretending to be Fetish? WHAT WAS IT?!
Finally, I got all of the sand off of it. It was a black hat, much like the Russian hat that hidden101 wore in his hat post, but... it didn't have a logo. And, it had furry pink kitty ears! Oh, what a wonderful thing! I brushed the sand off and ran back to the car, tossing it in the window as I ran by.
An hour or so later, it was decided that the time had come to head home. And off we went. As soon as I got home, I grabbed my furry black Russia hat with furry pink ears and tossed it into the washing machine. Once the machine finished, I almost put it into the dryer, but then I started thinking "Maybe it'll like... shrink, or something."' So I hung it up.
When it was fully dry, I put it on and waltzed around the house in my black rabbit-fur jacket. Actually, the jacket was left here by the previous owners of the house, but that's not the point. The point is, if you find a hole in the sand at the beach, DIG IT UP!
You may just find a sexy hat, like I did.
User Reviews
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-06 20:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-08-15 12:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-08-15 12:38:26 (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked this, but nobody can beat the Lobby the Lobster hat.
====
Ahem. http://www.ubersite.com/m/40190
Submitted by not_the_cheesecake (user info) at 2004-08-15 12:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
groovy hat.... love it
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-15 12:41:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tony, my kitty hat (when I put on my fur coat) owns any lobster hat!
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-08-15 12:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked this, but nobody can beat the Lobby the Lobster hat.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-15 12:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whoa, looks like I've got a fan.
Submitted by krushul (user info) at 2004-08-15 10:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how handy to have found a shovel stuck in the sand a few feet away.
Submitted by negative_twoer_of_fetish (user info) at 2004-08-13 10:42:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-08-11 22:03:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck. Wish I had a hat like that.
Submitted by FetishII (user info) at 2004-08-08 07:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hi, my named is StonedSilly. I like to spam old posts.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-08-04 04:24:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sexy
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-08-04 04:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fetish, you're like an enflamed vagina, always spewing your hot smelly piss all over everyone.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-03 22:35:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yup. I call him a douche bag a few times, and there goes the rating. Oh well.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-03 22:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I live for -2's. It means I'm doing something right, if jackoffs like Fetish the Friendly Mo and his ilk don't like my "stuff".
In fact, give me a - 8 if it makes you feel better, you fucking wormholes.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-03 22:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You honestly think I'd take the time to go and -2 all of your posts?
Buddy, I'm on 28k internet.
You have nearly double the number of posts I have, and I gave up on trying to fix my rating long ago.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-03 22:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Honestly, Fetish, I have to thank and commend you.
I thank you for teaching me that I REALLY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT MY RATING. Go get on your other alternate accounts and -2 every one of my posts again! See if I care! However, you've still earned yourself -2s for life for drawing so much attention to me. Oh, and thanks for the 4000 hits you've given me in the past week.
I commend you for being such a militant pussy. If it weren't for you, I'd probably be sitting here with a 1.0 or higher rating.
Alah:
-2 fetish, I'm not the one going back and -2ing everyones posts.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-03 22:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe you should make a new user. My rating is still positive.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-03 22:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ahh, fetish, nice to see you're back.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-03 22:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The -2 you just got.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-03 22:14:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Buddy, any doubts I previously had about your sexual orientation have now been answered.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-03 21:09:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Man, you were gay enough BEFORE you donned that headwear. Good grief.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2004-08-03 20:52:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-03 19:03:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the post
-2 for each Fetish reference
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So...wait. 2 - 2 = 2?
Submitted by UniBrowZIT (user info) at 2004-08-03 20:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for reminding me I have laundry in the washing machine.
Submitted by geofroley (user info) at 2004-08-03 19:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-03 19:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the post
-2 for each Fetish reference
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-03 18:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Filthy,
I don't consider you to be a hat person because you're so awesome.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-08-03 18:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gasp. You could get hair AIDS.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-08-03 18:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, it's a strong hat. But I'm sorry my friend, nobody beats the mother of all hats: http://www.ubersite.com/m/40190
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2004-08-03 18:48:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you would have kept digging, you would probably found the hooker I killed that was wearing it.
LGF
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-08-03 18:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That's not a hat!
That's my Moroccan Jizz Keeper!
I can't even tell you how many loads of spunk I've let fly in that furry lil rag.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-08-03 18:44:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My hat rocks the shit out of yours!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40538
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2004-08-03 18:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Was it a furry thong that I could put on and prance around the house, pretending to be Fetish?"
Hahahahahahaha
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-03 18:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I have that hat?
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-08-03 18:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, what?