Mystery Meat (2520 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.7 on 68 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <nolan.at.Baseballwriter.net> (View user info) at 2004-08-04 09:32:02 EDT
It was a dark and stormy night.
Winds from the southwest at 27 mph, with a barometric pressure of 29.45 and rising. I was all out of Cheez-Its and feeling antlery.
So I turned off the lights, hopped into bed, turned on the tubular, grabbed my johnson and gave it a couple of courtesy yanks, and fell asleep watching Seinfeld.
When I awoke the next morning, everything was back to normal. And I was still out of Cheez-Its.
The end.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-22 16:01:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The good news about setting such a crappy goal like that, is there's probably a pretty good chance that it can happen in your lifetime.
I'm in.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:14:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My life goal is to drink a PBR with shlongy. There, I said it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:51:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My entry in Method's gay contest.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-02-11 14:48:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/114906#2648614
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-11 13:36:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-18 15:05:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I started off slow on Uber...and it's been pretty much all downhill after this one.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-12-18 15:04:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-21 15:36:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How the hell did THIS all time classic come out of retirement today?
same it is today I would guess.... random boredom driven curiosity.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-20 13:51:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I knew it.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-05-30 17:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best Post I have ever seen.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-09 19:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
B @ H, too.
Submitted by smemma (user info) at 2006-10-03 20:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm convinced man can survive on cheez=its alone.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-03 20:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
b@w
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-09 10:37:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's in my top 99, that's for sure.
Submitted by blueboy (user info) at 2006-03-07 18:20:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By far my favourite Shlongy post.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-22 13:05:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lots of people like me.
Even more don't give a fuck one way or another. I'm on that list.
Only a small percentage really "hate" Shlongy.
Those are the people with the hourly minimum wage jobs, that usually live alone or in dorms, that have never eaten pussy, and have single digit IQs.
Fuck them.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2005-12-22 12:53:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
why dont people like you? I think you're funny as hell
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-02 15:24:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Smile is +1. Kicker of all ass is +2. Laugh is +1.5.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-02 15:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why did this just make me laugh?
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Full-fledged retardation; absolute lack of writing talent.
Verdict: Pussy gay yuppie Shlorty is five foot three, has a 4 inch dick, and has trouble getting hard.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-27 22:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
and with this -2, i have rated
every thing you have ever posted.
in the same manner that you rated
my posts. all of them.
justice.
vengance.
in the end we are both arrogant
bastards.
i feel as though i have slayed
a dragon...
but then, we know what Neitzche
says about battling monsters.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-04-23 17:18:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2005-04-23 12:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant to +2 this a long time ago.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-18 22:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was young (only 44) and unknown way back then. The early efforts always get ignored or are underated.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-04-18 22:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are right, this is way under rated.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-20 13:04:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No argument from me on that. I'm honored just to be mentioned in the same breath as re 16/y olds.
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-02-20 12:59:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is better than re 16/y olds
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-22 23:21:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks. It sure has staying power. And I don't even have any tits to camwhore to garner the hits.
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2005-01-22 23:05:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is such a fucking classic.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-01-22 17:13:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what made this better than most posts that really suck is that it was short and to the point.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-22 14:50:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mazman23 (user info) at 2005-01-04 14:12:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Shite
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-30 21:06:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Let's bring this one back!
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2004-12-19 18:48:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:21:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Greatest Shlongy post ever!
This is what made me a fan...
------
Agreed
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-01 09:42:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey...Kenny Bania...still stealing my material?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-12-01 09:35:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gold, jerry, gold
Submitted by Jabba_the_Shit (user info) at 2004-10-27 11:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Kicker of all ass (-2)
Submitted by HelloMello (user info) at 2004-10-09 12:36:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Good job deepthroat
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:26:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't have a single "favorite", per se.
It's like telling someone that one of your children is your "favorite".
I've given birth to them all so they all hold a special place in my heart.
All of them, except that one real piece of shit where I couldn't decide what to write but just wanted to see my name on the "new submissions" list.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Greatest Shlongy post ever!
This is what made me a fan...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How the hell did THIS all time classic come out of retirement today?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SlowBrains (user info) at 2004-09-29 08:56:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah, I don't know about jerkin' it to Seinfeld...Elaine isn't hot and Kramer...Dude, you suck....now I have Kramer naked in my head!
Submitted by captainflibby (user info) at 2004-09-12 09:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by GeorgeBaker (user info) at 2004-09-04 23:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Faggot
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-15 11:39:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's kinda like a fine wine....
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-08-11 13:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This little ditty is still good, even a week later!
Submitted by mujer_alterada (user info) at 2004-08-07 01:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bleh!
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-08-07 01:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-04 16:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
C'mon peeps...Listen to 1point21Giggie....Read it again..."It was great".
It may take a while to sink in...read it until you puke.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-04 15:38:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How did I miss this? It was great!
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-08-04 12:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You can't die soon enough...
Submitted by dategrape (user info) at 2004-08-04 11:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-08-04 11:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Actually, the more I read this, the better it gets. Here's a +1.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-08-04 11:46:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ass kissing doesn't really get you +2.
However, doling out -2's, especially for revenge, can get you -2ed to death.
I don't partake in this game, I have been given plenty of -2's and never reciprocated (you actually gave me one yesterday) because I rate based on whether or not the piece of writing achieves it's goal. Plus it needs to be well written and decently devoid of spelling and grammatical errors. You seem to do that pretty well.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-08-04 11:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-04 11:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So, do I get to bang you now, or what Lily?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-08-04 10:53:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*WINK* *WINK*
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-04 10:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"You like me....you REALLY like me"...
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-04 10:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel no need to justify this +2.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-08-04 10:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And you are yelling at me?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-04 10:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Would you rather have 200 lines of happy horseshit, or a 4-line masterpiece.
It's a USA TODAY/McDonald's fast-paced world out there, son. Get used to it.
(Also, I get really bored if I type for too long)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-04 10:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But based on my previous work, if I don't give myself a +2, I get -2's exclusively.
So you can only imagine my quandary.
I'll knock it off, if that will bring me a few ass kissing +2's.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-08-04 10:16:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Random shit is entertaining, but more than four lines would be nice.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-08-04 10:07:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was going to -2 this because you tried to +2 yourself and your ratings don't count on your own material, but it was still entertaining to read. A definate 0.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-04 09:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have excellent taste in authors. Or are extremely deranged.
No matter. I'll take the +2.
Submitted by digsy (user info) at 2004-08-04 09:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Up there with Charlie Dickens and Will Shakes.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-04 09:32:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let me start it out with a well deserved +2.