Freaky Looking Tits And The Freaky Looking Chicks That Show Them. (7630 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.81 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Shark25 (View user info) at 2004-08-04 14:22:02 EDT
On Saturday I went to the VanHalen concert here in Omaha. I am not a huge fan of the band but an older buddy of mine has been listening to them since they came out and wanted someone to go to the concert with him.
This was different from any concert I had ever been to but in some ways it was the same. There were the random chicks flashing the stage as is with all rock concerts but the difference is most of these ladies were not in they're mid 20's to early 30's as usual. No these ladies were in they're late 30's early 40's. It was just weird watching these people trying to recapture they're glorious 20's.
However that is not what I am posting about. No my friends I am posting about a different kind of human. You have all most likely seen them before. Be it at the county fair, a rock concert, redneck family reunions, etc.
Good people of Uber the creature I am talking about is the freaky looking woman who shows her equally freaky tits.
As I went out for a smoke during the concert there was a women in the smoking area most likely in her 50's. When I got a better look she had stringy blond hair that I think was falling out. She was about 5'4 and weighed no more than you're average crack addict. She also had some nice facial hair to complement her look.
What really freaked me out was that this broad had one eye that was larger than the other. Almost like a Popeye squint but without the squint. She just had one eye bigger than the other. I did not want to look but just like with the 850-pound guy going up to the buffet table I could not turn away.
Eventually I just went to the other side of the smoking area to keep myself from staring at the monstrosity. But as I look over my shoulder I saw her standing right next to me again.
Freak: You wanna see my titties?
Me: No thanks.
F: Let me show you my titties.
M: I really don't think that's such a great idea.
F: Here have a peek!
At that point see lifted up her shirt to show me the most disturbing breast I have ever seen. I was petrified with fear.
M: Sweet merciful Christ put those away!
F: You wanna suckem?
M: God no! I don't even want to have to look at them.
F: Why not?
M: Cause they are scary!
At this point security stepped in and asked the lady to come with them. As they dragged her away she slipped out of her shit that the guards were holding onto.
So now here is this scary topless woman running at me screaming. I looked over the ledge of the smoking deck. The fall could kill me but then again death might be better than what was about to happen to me.
Right before she pounced on me security jumped on her and smashed her face into the ground. As they took her she started yelling about her "weed" and "if anybody wanted to see her titties?" That was weird cause her shirt was already off.
I am told I screamed like a little girl when she started running at me.
Uber I can't help it. I mean she was really scary.
Good Times.
User Reviews
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-08-05 14:40:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
short and sweet
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-04 21:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh gross. I don't quite know what posseses some people. Probably when you said she was as skinny as your average crack whore you were very close to the mark.
Submitted by P-Fresh (user info) at 2004-08-04 21:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hell man, I saw that show. It kicked so much ass.....and the flashing the stage thing is quite true. I can't say I was happy to see the many racks which had been showcased.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-08-04 18:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i laughed. and i, for one, am quite content with not having them fleshed out in acurate description. i'll take your word for it that they were terrible and continue sleeping well.
Submitted by dirtygook (user info) at 2004-08-04 17:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU BE HOMO!
Submitted by dirtygook (user info) at 2004-08-04 17:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BE YOU GAY?!
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-08-04 17:28:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I survived the downtown strip club in Vegas on a Tuesday night at 1:30am.
If freaky tits scare you, stay the hell outta there because they employ creatures that exist no where else on planet earth. Think jabba the hut with two teeth only bigger, smellier and much much slimier.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-08-04 17:08:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the fucking funniest thing I've read today.
Well done.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-08-04 17:08:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're so funny.
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-08-04 17:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by dwr_budr (user info) at 2004-08-04 16:31:55 (#)
Ranking: 1
That woman was Eddie Van Halen you bastard.
-------------------
HA HA HA
Nice
Submitted by dwr_budr (user info) at 2004-08-04 16:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That woman was Eddie Van Halen you bastard.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-08-04 16:22:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for the story
-1 for prompting Loren to regale us with the fable of the brown tipped tube boobs!
I think I'm gonna puke
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-04 16:18:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, what did you expect at a Van Halen concert?
man, this has happened to me plenty of times, but without being attacked by the woman, thank god.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-08-04 16:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-08-04 15:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you poor bastard
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-08-04 15:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2004-08-04 15:21:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-08-04 15:21:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
teehee
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-08-04 15:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story Shark, but you should have described what they looked like using analogies and many adjectives.
One night during a crazy after-hours stint at a place I bartended, the male workers decided to coerce a couple young, drunk, stupid girls to play strip pool. I don't know why. These girls weren't much to look at fully clothed.
So to make a long story short, one of them lost and promptly removed her shirt and bra to reveal what can only be described as two long tubes. They were spaced far apart from eachother, the base of each was about 2 inches in diameter, and tapered down to about an inch before the nipple area along their 4-5 inch length. The nipple areas looked like the tips of her long, thin breasts where dipped in brown ink, and they swung around nauseatingly.
The guys started begging the poor moron to put her shirt back on and my boyfriend (another bartender) and I just stared in horror from a distant dark area of the bar at the deformities this unlucky soul called her breasts.
I still to this day cannot imagine what possessed her to take off her shirt.
And I still wish I had never witnessed it.
Yuk.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-08-04 15:07:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I looked over the ledge of the smoking deck. The fall could kill me but then again death might be better than what was about to happen to me."
Might as well jump. Jump!
Go ahead, jump. Jump!
Submitted by kukd85 (user info) at 2004-08-04 15:06:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thank God every day for blessing me with such glorious breasts.... If only everyone could be so fortunate...
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:52:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You did the right thing, son.
On a side note, I'm going to see Lynrd Skynrd next week. That should be a lot of fun in the low tooth-per-head ratio zone.
Submitted by EvilHeat (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Hands Down!
I mean you got attacked by some psycho titty-woman... but...
You got to see Van Halen, I curse the distinct lack of Halen UK Dates
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
poor guy
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:45:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad. I'd like to give it a +1 but I hate to kill a streak.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
always a good larf
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:43:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahah
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for picture!
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:38:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for story
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That picture reminds me of Stan's evil clone from South Park.
Bachooeychom! BACHOOEY-CHOOEYCHOM!!
Submitted by Just_me_and_the_cats (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:29:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, this is an instant classic. Plus two, man!
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am sorry you had to experience that horror, and nice picture.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you make me laugh shark, you make me laugh
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:25:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I am told I screamed like a little girl when she started running at me."
Fucking classic! Your posts never cease to crack me up.