Pornographic Physical (1973 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.83 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Freakmagnet (View user info) at 2004-08-04 20:00:30 EDT
Once a year every kid has to get a physical. Physicals are not fun, they are humiliating and uncomfortable. If you are wondering how to make the situation any more humiliating for a 15 year-old teenage snot, here is the answer. Sexuality. That's right folks, sexuality.
For my physicals I am taken to Physician's Treatment because they are covered on insurance and are nearly free. Unfortunately you never know what type of doctor you are going to get. Another problem is that you are forced to wait forever and a day to see the doctor. It's great, I love sitting next to the overweight balding guy who hasn't showered for the past 2 days. The best is when he sneezes all over you. Then there are the year old National Geographic issues featuring an Ethiopian "Playmate of the Month" who hasn't eaten in three years and is yet to discover the concept of a bra. Mmmmm, delicious.
After what seemed like a millennium I was ushered into the room to wait on my doctor. At least I'm away from sick, crying children and construction workers with broken fingers. I love the posters in doctor's rooms. If there is anything better than staring at an in depth diagram of the inside of my ass, then I am yet to find it. This is when my doctor walks in. She looks to be about 27, shoulder-length wavy blonde hair, extraordinarily curvy, with perfect breasts, I estimate a C-cup. She had eyes like Uma Thurman. She was crazy beautiful.
"Hi, you must be Tommy."
You must be the sexiest thing I've ever seen. Luckily I didn't say this; I had managed to keep my brain from shifting into automatic. Thank God.
"Yeah, that's me."
Do not pop a boner.
She turned around leaned over the desk to write something down. Oh my God, look at that ass.
Do not pop a boner.
"Take off your shirt"
You first. Nice try brain, but not today.
"Alright."
I removed the first article of clothing and she slipped her hands (warm, smooth, luxurious hands) around me with the stethoscope.
Do not pop a boner.
"Alright, now breathe deeply."
That wasn't hard. Heavy breathing was not a problem by now.
The rest of physical proceeded pretty much in that manner.
Then the hernia test. Every guy loves the hernia test; I mean, what's better than having a complete stranger (usually a man) goose you and give you commands. It is never awkward and I wasn't nervous at all. Bull shit.
"Okay, drop your pants."
"Uhhh, what!?"
"You know the program, let's get this over with."
"Oh yeah, uh, ok."
The pants fall.
Do not pop a boner.
This is the most insane thing that's ever happened to me. My heart was racing and I could barely focus my eyes. Yet somehow, I had been able to keep the one eyed monster under control. Thank God. I refused to look at her or my junk; instead I focused on the picture of the inside of my ass and tried to think about something else.
"My, my, you are a fine specimen of a man!"
"Huh!?!?"
I look over and saw that she was looking at her file. She did that on purpose.
"It says here that you've never missed an appointment and that you haven't been sick in 2 years."
I play you're game lady.
"That's me; I always know when to come."
"Excuse me!?!?"
"I'm very punctual, I always arrive on time."
"Oh yes...of course."
"Well let's do it."
Do not pop a boner.
"What?"
"Let's get this over with." I agreed with that, I had been standing there for a good minute and a half with my package hanging out.
"Okay."
She dropped to her knees and got my testicles in a death grip. I thought to myself, "This is not supposed to happen, but OK." Boner authorized.
"Turn your head and cough...now bitch!"
"Huh! Uh, yes ma'am."
*cough
"Again bitch." She grunted from my crotch.
*cough
I was pretty stoked but it seemed to be going nowhere. I was already sure she was half crazy, and she seemed to be pretty fixated with my balls. I was about to kick her and run for it when she bolted up and slipped off her blouse revealing a peek-a-boo bra and some spectacular breasts. She pushed me back onto the cot and we went at it. I'd be lying if I told you we went all the way, but it was no small thing.
If I was a normal kid my first sexual encounter would come from a half drunk, pleasantly plump and insecure teenage girl. Alas, I've never been normal.
After the romp I could tell it was defiantly time to go. She wouldn't stop staring at my balls and kept calling me Michelle. It was definitely weird.
"Uhh, I better go."
"Yeah, I have to get back to work Shelly."
"Uh, yeah"
She spanked my ass and I was out of there.
Despite how freaking crazy I felt afterwards, I didn't stop smiling the whole way home.
User Reviews
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-11-30 22:28:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2004-11-30 22:26:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
That fetish guy is a fag.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-08-05 01:28:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"For fucks sakes GiL! (The_Lone_Stanger) There's just some things you don't talk about in public!"
I know you dont think the "FOr fucks sake gil" part is not part of the line. Sure the guy brodi say it to is named gil but the line is "jesus christ man there are some things you dont talk about in public." But everybody should know that.
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2004-08-05 01:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-08-05 01:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"For fucks sakes GiL! (The_Lone_Stanger) There's just some things you don't talk about in public!"
Mallrats much? Anyone who doesn't know this should be bitchslapped.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-08-05 00:56:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-08-04 22:33:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
obvoiusly bullshit. but had me listening
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-08-04 22:59:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"For fucks sakes GiL! (The_Lone_Stanger) There's just some things you don't talk about in public!"
-BongZilla
+2 for anyone who knows what movie that's from.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-08-04 22:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well??!!!
Did you cum!!!one/??
Everytime I start whackin off to one of these sex stories they never tell me if anybody came.
Blue Balls for me again.
Submitted by Freakmagnet at 2004-08-04 22:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course this isnt true, if it were true i wouldnt be wasting my time telling you guys about it, i'd be sueing for millions of dollars
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-08-04 22:33:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
obvoiusly bullshit. but had me listening.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-04 22:07:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
cough, Bullshiat cough
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2004-08-04 21:45:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhenanigans.
Submitted by Rob at 2004-08-04 21:41:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It was funny but you are a jackass if you are trying to pass this off as truth, I had a chick for a physical once, she was a very hot 30 year old but it was nothing like your story, except for the boner part, I had a half boner.
Submitted by bubbamoore (user info) at 2004-08-04 21:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hardly think a 27 year old doctor is going to chance her career on a 15 year horny boy... You are FULL OF IT!
Submitted by winowarrior (user info) at 2004-08-04 20:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It really did make me smile, the "dont pop a boner"...been there, done that. On the other hand, it's very hard to believe the story, very very hard (pun intended). I'm hoping for all teenagers evverywhere that this aint (how do you spell shennanigans) shennanigans.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-08-04 20:15:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If any of this is made up, you're a total dipshit and it's stupid writing.
If it's not made up, it's alright. But I'm betting it's at least partially fictional.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-04 20:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow, that was hilarious.
Submitted by maryjane (user info) at 2004-08-04 20:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment