Ass Kicking Part 2 (889 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 2 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Freakmagnet (View user info) at 2004-08-04 22:48:25 EDT
The day was going good, and about to get much better. I had secured a date for the night and I was heading out to the dollar theater to engage in a night of wholesome teenage courtship. I showered, clothed myself, and gave myself a light spray of Axe so that every female animal, insect, or human within a one mile radius would want to have mad, hot sex with me.
I met my lady friend, her name was Sandy, at the front doors and I bought tickets to some lame chick flick. It's all good though, it's the dollar theater. We got seats and watched the movie. It was undoubtedly lame, but I missed most of it due to the varying levels of groping. Yes, it was a fine night indeed.
Fast Forward>>
The movie gets out and we walk along the sidewalk of the shopping center towards the Record Exchange. For those of you who don't know, the Record Exchange is the best record store ever.
It sells great used albums at competitive prices. But I digress. We were walking along the sidewalk when a totally sweet, old Z-28 Camaro pulled up beside us. It was a dark bluish color with dual black racing stripes, that baby was pure American muscle, not this cheep Japanese crap they pass off as sports cars these days. It purred like a jungle cat and I must admit that it gave me a slight chubby. I glanced at the car and jealously wished that I had one. By this
time we are at the doors to the record shop and were getting ready to walk in. From behind me
I hear, "Well if it isn't skater-fag!! Hey baby, why don't you ditch this loser and come with me?"
I shuddered; I was unaware that such events so stereotypical of American high school years could actually happen. But I guess they are stereotypical for a reason. I turned around with a fire
in my belly ready to spout off some well rehearsed profanity when I recognized who it was; it was my pal the offensive lineman. My body twitched as my brain switched into automatic. I tried
to turn around and ignore it because I didn't want to get my face smashed...again...in front of
my lady friend. Alas, my brain doesn't care what I want; it does what it feels like. "Why
don't you fuck yourself cock knocker, then maybe afterwards you can get the quarterback to
wipe your ass and scratch your back!"
AHHHH! He's gonna kill me Brain, what the hell are you doing? That barely even made sense
Brain! What were you thinking!? Scratch his back???
"That's it queer boy, I'm gonna tear you a new asshole!"
"Easy, from what I hear Donny Shingleton (Our game-winning quarterback/Prom king/Class President/King of the world) already tore you a new asshole!"
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my god. Oh my God. That's it Brain, it's gone far enough. Stop it, Stop it now!
"You are crazy kid, I'm gonna enjoy beatin' you senseless."
This whole time he had been walking closer to me. By the time I saw him pull back for his first punch it was too late, he caught me square in the nose. I have a sensitive nose; it bleeds all the time, sometimes for no reason. So when a 250 pound football player lays one on my snoz, there is going to be some trouble. My head kicked back and I felt the warm blood drip down my upper lip and into my hands. I refocused my eyes and reared back for a jab, but he was way faster he caught me in the stomach then kneed me backwards onto the freshly paved sidewalk.
As I laid on the freshly paved sidewalk I looked at the stars and thought that I was never going to be anything, I was going to be walked all over for the rest of my life. But then I remembered the comments I had received when I posted about the first time I got my ass kicked. Something cliché about not letting people walk over you, and fighting back no matter what. I immediately stopped feeling sorry for myself; I started to pick my ass up off the freshly paved side- freshly paved. It was freshly paved. I looked around and sure enough there was a large piece of gravel lying right next to my head. I picked it up and looked over to my lady friend. The hunky lineman was trying to put the moves on her. It was a lot like Biff from "Back to the Future." It was repulsive. I wound up and slung the stone as hard as I could. Not at him, I don't have good enough aim, but at the windshield of his beautiful car.
The windshield shattered beautifully and it rained razor diamonds all over his interior. Over his dash board and the steering wheel, onto the seat shredding his vintage leather.
What happened next was lucky. Instead of coming at me he ran over to his car and leaned over the hood, he looked at the interior, too stunned to say anything. I took my chance, ran over and kicked him flat footed in the side of the head.
His neck flicked sideways and he slid off the car, he started to get up so I ran over and stomped on his face. He was out cold. Vicious? Yes. Dirty? Hell yes. Sportsmanlike? Hell no. Satisfying? You'd better believe it. I walked over and apologized to Sandy for being an ass. She was totally cool about it. I wipped my nose on the linemans\'s shirt, and we walked into the shop. FYI, I got the Violent Femmes Live in Europe, the Violent Femmes kick ass.
This story is incredible, possibly too incredible to believe. It's amazing, I finally come out on top for once.
User Reviews
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-11-30 22:27:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2004-11-30 22:26:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
That fetish guy is a fag.
Submitted by 91teggyRS (user info) at 2004-08-05 10:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes car windsheilds do have saftey glass... but as far as i can remember old muscle cars never had saftey glass
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-04 23:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If that was a side window or the rear, I'd almost believe you, but front windshields don't shatter. The reason it's called safety glass is that the membrane inside keeps it from doing so.
Good story otherwise.
Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-08-04 23:31:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For your sake, I hope you fucked Sandy.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-08-04 23:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you little punk! that was me, i'm gonna...who the fuck am i kidding. i wish i believed the story kid.