I Beat My Dick Like it Owes Me Money (SPT) (3585 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.33 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Andrew <downerSTAIN.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-05 00:45:49 EDT
I masturbate. A lot. And I've heard many terms used for masturbation. Choking the chicken, slobbing the knob, stroking the one-eyed snake, shooting yogurt, and so on. Those are all pretty acurate, but I never understood how the term "beating off" came about.
Beating off. I hate when people refer to masturbating as beating off. When you beat something, you usually hate it, but I love my penis and would never beat it because it's like my best friend. We laugh together, cry together, watch movies together (well, he can't really watch it, unless it's porn), and we've been through thick and thin. I would never think of refering to the act of personal love that is masturbation as beating off.
So please, I implore you, don't beat your penis. Love it and cherish it every day.
User Reviews
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-08-13 20:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sometimes I have to beat my boyfriend's into submission - it just has to be done.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-13 19:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
that title cracks me up
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-08-13 19:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Beat it.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-08-06 02:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I beat mine like it was in Prison on a chain gang
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2004-08-05 11:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Greatest. Post. Ever.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-05 09:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
...and I do...
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-05 07:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ghey
Submitted by Caldur (user info) at 2004-08-05 07:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The purple-headed yogurt slinger...
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-05 06:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"watch movies together (well, he can't really watch it, unless it's porn)"
Submitted by Charred (user info) at 2004-08-05 05:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have a laughing penis?
That weeps?
See a doctor.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-08-05 05:41:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Giving Ronaldo A Rub Down" relates to a bald Brazilian footballer.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-08-05 05:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i only beat you because i love you
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-08-05 05:27:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My penis owes me $20, so I think I'll have to choke it out of him.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-05 05:17:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
funny title
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-08-05 05:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One Handed Banjo Playing
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-08-05 03:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
slobbing the knob refers to blowjobs.
polishing the knob may be what you meant.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-08-05 02:24:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40472 ... for those of you who want tips
Submitted by Punk-not-dead (user info) at 2004-08-05 02:13:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My penis is my hero
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-08-05 02:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by maggot (user info) at 2004-08-05 01:43:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
it can fuck you up if you do it to much, and 'beat my dick like it owes me money' is from chappelle's show
That skit ruled. With all the singing STD's, and the little girl who threw up cuz that puppet showed everyone his infested dick, and then Charlie Murphy singing the beloved masturbation song as the voice of the Oscar the grouch puppet.... Awesome stuff.
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-08-05 01:47:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by maggot (user info) at 2004-08-05 01:43:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
it can fuck you up if you do it to much, and 'beat my dick like it owes me money' is from chappelle's show
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Yes, I know both of these things. Chappelle's Show kicks ass.
Submitted by maggot (user info) at 2004-08-05 01:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it can fuck you up if you do it to much, and 'beat my dick like it owes me money' is from chappelle's show
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-08-05 01:07:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't brag about taking it through the thick ones....
Submitted by Kellio (user info) at 2004-08-05 00:57:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Here's another one that sounds painful: Bashing the Bishop.
Submitted by Gish (user info) at 2004-08-05 00:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Describe the thick and thin bits.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-08-05 00:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I sure love mine.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-05 00:47:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-08-05 00:47:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here, here.