Adventures at Bud's (Part 7) (478 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <xenon> (View user info) at 2004-08-05 10:25:32 EDT
For the rest of the stories, search for Adventures at Bud's.
Yellow Jackets
To mow Bud's grass, we used a huge industrial mower with a 48" deck. It was a lot like this one actually. http://www.exmark.com/LazerZ.htm
On one side of Bud's pond, he had a dirt service road that went from behind his house to the other side of the pond. About halfway down this road, on the other side of the pond, there was a big overflow pipe that would drain the pond if the level of water got too high. It dumped right out into a big hole in the ground which had pretty much turned into a crater over the few years because of erosion. Bud had a bunch of large rocks that he wanted to dump down in there to keep the dirt from eroding anymore. To do this, the grass and underbrush had to be mowed because it was head-high by this time.
Bud assigned Fink and me to take care of this so he could get down there later with a backhoe to dump the rocks in the hole. Since the grass was so high and there was such a steep drop-off, Fin was going to stand at the edge, and I would mow right up to his feet and back up. It was a slow and tedious process, but it was the safest way to do it. I certainly didn't want to topple over the edge of this precipice with the 500 pound mower on top of me.
First, we walked to the edge to inspect our territory. We found the edge amongst the giant weeds. Then I walked back up to the service road to begin my descent into the bank. It was also a steep embankment that lead down to the hole, so I had to carefully drive the mower down that first. I got through that part fine and started the blades. It was very slow as the blades were having a hard time cutting through all that mess. I got closer to Fink and inched towards him. Once he gave me the open palm (stop), I stopped and began backing up. Once I was a few feet from him, I turned and started back up the embankment because I needed to get something. As I turned the mower around, I saw Fink sprinting up the embankment tearing his shirt off in the process. He was swatting himself all over with his hat also. The mower was still running, so I couldn't hear anything, but I could certainly tell he was under a bit of distress.
I probably looked at him with the most confused look of all time, and when he finally stood still for a second, he looked at me and said, "Bees!"
"Oh," I said. How profound.
No sooner than we had exchanged this dialogue, he finished tearing off his shirt; and I saw about 3 yellow jackets clinging to his chest. Here's a little info on this evil insect.
http://milwaukee.uwex.edu/urbanag/bugnet2/outdoors/outfly/yellowjacket/yellowjacket.html
They may look pretty harmless, but I can tell you from experience, they are vicious and painful!
So, he keep swatting and freaking out while I turn off the mower and stand up. I didn't bother going near him. I figured, "Let him get his own ass stung for throwing me off the damn Land Sled!" He's screaming and swatting as he starts taking off his shoes one at a time while hopping on the opposite foot. At this point, I began to laugh out loud at him just a little bit. He now began to run back and forth on the service road while continuing to swat and scream like a girl.
What's next, oh there's yellow jackets in my pants! Yes, his pants and most of his boxers come off. I see 5 or 6 more of these buggers attached all up and down his legs. At this point, I can hardly stand I'm laughing so hard. I'm sure he would have cursed at me if he wasn't so busy trying to get rid of the jackets. He was probably 5 seconds from just throwing himself into the pond before he finally got them all off of him and they stopped swarming. He was still freaking out, so I rushed him up to Bud's house to get something for the stings. His hands were pretty swollen from getting stung on the fingers. Bud gave him some sort of spray to ease the stinging and make the swelling go down.
Fink then broke open a cigarette that he had and put the tobacco on some of them. Apparently this is to help the sting go away too. He stood there shaking while holding tobacco on his hands and smoking another cigarette for about 30 minutes. Poor guy. That's what he gets for throwing me off the Pimp Sled of Doom!
Next up...Mud-bogging
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Submitted by Cryopaul (user info) at 2004-08-05 11:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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