ahh.. a story about shit (496 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.29 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <chodefacemcgee69.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-05 17:45:17 EDT
first let me say this is my first real post on ubersite. this is probably taboo or something for all you hardened uberfolk, but ive been just kinda hanging around rating people but recently an event occurred which may be worthy of your knowledge.
the other day, i took the most hardcore shit ever. harcore, X-TREME, whatever you decide to label it; it was godly.
it was at work. i needed to go. but i was filtering a chemical batch and if i didnt tend to it the pressure might fuck the filter up. so i waited. for 20 minutes as my large intestine stretched to at least twice its normal size.
so i finally went. and i got there and there was pubic hair near the front of the seat. they had paper toilet seat covers but those are for pussys.
hepatitis from toilet seats is also hardcore.
so as i shat it felt like my entire digestive system was trying to squeeze through. or the shit itself was going out sideways. i thought it would get stuck and i'd have to go to the hospital and have an operation of sorts to get it out. this wasnt even a soft or malleable shit. it was hard as rock and dry.
but it came out. and i know what it is like to give birth through your ass. i think i have a newfound respect for women, though i think the circumference of my hardened fudge nugget was at least twice that of a newborn's skull.
but thats not the end. i tended to my cleansliness needs and looked into the bowl and saw the most magnificent sight. it was as if god himself had shat into that very toilet bowl. around the pile of dank, smelly turd there was an aura of brown waterborne particles radiating from the log, giving it a heavenly glow.
i smiled down upon my creation as i flushed it. it felt like i was losing a part of myself, and in a sense, i was. just as Jurgis from the book "The Jungle" looks down upon his baby with awe that such a magnificent thing was a creation of his, i gazed in wonderment as my child departed for the long journey through the new jersey sewage system.
i would have taken a picture but i left my camera phone on my desk.
5 minutes later im back in the lab and this guy Frank comes in, his original intent for coming downstairs forgotten, and says "DID YOU WALK PAST THE BATHROOM NEAR THE CONFERENCE ROOM? DAMN IT SMELLS. ANNE WAS CROPDUSTING WITH THE FUCKING LYSOL AIR FRESHENER TRYING TO GET THE HALLWAY TO AT LEAST SMELL OKAY"
sorry if you've read things similar to this before, i can imagine that SOMEONE has had some sort of story like it, but this one is 100% true.
and yes, i am very proud of myself for that episode.
User Reviews
Submitted by ofMontreal (user info) at 2004-08-07 14:13:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry im bad with criticism. i took the "dont post anymore here" part as the drama. i know the posts crappy. it was a first try. thanks anyway.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-07 14:05:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'Fuck you, Circe, I'm not here to make enemies.'
A +2 just for the delicious irony of that. And I wasn't starting 'drama' (?) I was rating your post. Which was, to be honest, really kinda crappy. Learn to tell the difference, darlin'.
Welcome to Uber.
Submitted by ofMontreal (user info) at 2004-08-07 13:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck you circe, im not here to make enemies. starting drama on ubersite is fucking gay.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-07 13:39:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"but ive been just kinda hanging around rating people but recently an event occurred which may be worthy of your knowledge."
See this, people? We've caused this indivudual, based on our posts, to think that we need to know about shit. This is our fault. We need to take a good, long look at ourselves.
Ahh screw it. Blame the newbie.
Go away and don't post anymore, kay?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-07 13:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-05 21:16:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
PS. I dropped a 14 inch jake in the bowl just three days ago!
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Is that all? Douche.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-05 21:16:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PS. I dropped a 14 inch jake in the bowl just three days ago!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-05 21:16:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
All this talk of shit has got me...ummmmmmm, thoroughly disgusted.
Surely there's OTHER topics the fucking wanker genius' in this room can expound on.
Submitted by Confusion (user info) at 2004-08-05 19:44:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Take that shit.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/31312
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-08-05 17:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh, if writing about your shit is your idea of writing somthing we might be interested in you need to take a step back and re-think your plan of action.
Submitted by EvrenWasHere (user info) at 2004-08-05 17:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"And THATS where babies come from."