quien queria que lea esto es un hijo de puta- for Shandythedog (786 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.25 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Cindys_Beloved_Younger_Sister (View user info) at 2004-08-05 18:12:11 EDT
When I saw Shandythedog's most recent post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/40316 , I started thinking. This thinking lead to a fond reminiscence, which I will recount here for both him and the world at large.
It was a cool October morning...
"Ma'am, did you enjoy your Chicken Marsala tonight?" asked the young waiter at Samrat, my favorite local Indian eatery. Sure, the chicken Marsala had been simply devine, no question about it, but my stomach and bowels didn't seem to agree. The rumble down below did not cease or falter as I calmly paid the turban wearing cashier, infact it got worse and I found myself half sprinting to my car while puckering my buttocks in the best manner possible.
Seems Vishnu would have his revenge on this imperialist pig tonight.
As I sat down in my car, I foolishly assumed that I might be able to ease some of the discomfort, while still keeping control of my bodily functions so I eased out a nice, ripe poot. (which sounded quite a bit like a frog being stepped on)
Immediately I felt the all-too-familiar wetness that accompanied said toot. Yes, folks, I had shit myself. Right in front of the restuarant, in my white dress slacks it was and I had to return to work! I live about 45 minutes from my place of employment and judging on our busy day with lots of appointments, I simply did not have time to run home so the work facilities would simply have to do.
I arrived three long minutes later at work and letting myself in through the back entrance, readied myself for anything. As I ran down the hall I could feel warm, wet, soft diharrea dripping down my legs. Nasty.
I made it in the bathroom and as my luck would have it, the only available stall was the one revserved for crips, so it was nice and spacious... but at the same time FILTHY AS A PIG STY. There was a bona fide bowel movement awaiting me in the toilet bowl, wet, poo-stained wads of toilet paper were stuck to the bowl and floor and don't even think about the stench. I almost vomited AND shit myself again at the mere scent.
Now being a refined bitch of utmost class, I would never sully my supple white ass with this disgusting diharrea dungeon, but this was not a time for pickyness.
This was the time to answer the call of nature.
Sitting down, I had barely hit the seat when my asshole erupted in literally what I would describe as a shit storm and the ratta tat tat of the automatic weapon that my ass hole had become went quite well with the putrid odor of my breakfast and lunch- this was certainly the single most disgusting poo of my lifetime.
After about 20 seconds of booops, pup pup pups and grunts, I lifted my ass just a bit so as to wipe the remaining feces from my chocolate starfish. OH, I exclaimed, so there is the corn I had this morning. (you could even go so far as to say my poo pile was filled with small CORN NUGGETS)
Reaching for some of the wonderful single ply, thin _as_ a _dollar_ bill toilet paper, I had to have a little chuckle to myself, as this was definitely both the most wonderful and horrid shit sonata ever beheld by human sense.
---
Ni Hao to you, DJ. Ni fucking hao.
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-02-23 18:12:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rest In Peace ITM.
Submitted by Amy (user info) at 2004-08-06 00:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought we were having a moment. What happened?
Submitted by Cindys_Younger_Sister (user info) at 2004-08-06 00:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck off ITM.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-06 00:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahaha
nice.
we all are though aren't we?
oh and that was mispelling.
Submitted by Amy (user info) at 2004-08-06 00:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and you are welcome
Submitted by Amy (user info) at 2004-08-06 00:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...or a hija de puta
Submitted by Cindys_Younger_Sister (user info) at 2004-08-06 00:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks a lot, AMY , obviously you are a cunning linguist.
Submitted by Amy (user info) at 2004-08-06 00:37:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Quien QUIERA que lea esto es un hijo de puta"
Submitted by KevinHo (user info) at 2004-08-05 19:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate you.
Submitted by Cindys_Younger_Sister (user info) at 2004-08-05 19:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
or how about "Scat saga: a collaboration in caca," by the Poo Partners
Submitted by Cindys_Younger_Sister (user info) at 2004-08-05 19:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i thought we'd escaped him, sister!
Scat Saga, i like
Submitted by Cindy_is_so_horny (user info) at 2004-08-05 19:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my uncle is so naughty, look at his response!
he should be banned!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40805
Submitted by Cindy_is_so_horny (user info) at 2004-08-05 19:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ha!
a piffling effort when compared to mine!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40803
Submitted by Cindys_horny_uncle (user info) at 2004-08-05 19:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ooooh or a scat saga?
Submitted by Cindys_Younger_Sister (user info) at 2004-08-05 19:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
gladly.
perhaps we could work together on some future endeavor, beautiful . a collaboration in caca, we could call it
Submitted by Cindys_horny_uncle (user info) at 2004-08-05 19:04:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cys
kiss me on my bum hole.
Submitted by Cindys_Younger_Sister (user info) at 2004-08-05 19:03:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:55:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
should that be 'nay'?
--
i believe so
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
burned sausages!!!
and you an aussie!!
hang your head man
Submitted by Cindy_is_so_horny (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes it should be nay
Submitted by Cindys_Younger_Sister (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
we will just see, you cunt faced parrot, who is the better woman
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:55:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
should that be 'nay'?
Submitted by Cindy_is_so_horny (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
apullo, i know not who he is.
i have submitted though
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this post caused me to neglect my child - a minor achievement - but also, AMAZINGLY, caused me to burn my OWN breakfast sausages.
few posts, neigh, few works of art, could claim such a feat.
Submitted by Cindys_Younger_Sister (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
bring it on, dear apullo
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:35:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No-one could top this??
Forsooth sir I feel a challenge.
Submitted by Cindys_Younger_Sister (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thank you, dear sir. I eagerly await your semen-sea
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
another plus two for the corn nugget reference.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
magnificent!
i almost vomitted myself, but was saved by laughter!
the swimmng pool of spermatozoe is yours! nothing could top this.
Submitted by Cindys_Younger_Sister (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:20:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'll forgive you for your foolish -1 this time, jmg114. don't let it happen again though please
Submitted by Cindys_Younger_Sister (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:20:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'll take the sperm in sponge bath form, please sir.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
If this was a "fond reminiscence" as you say, I'd shiver to learn of your not-so-fond-reminiscences.