My aim cyber Sex ADVENTURES (4741 hits)
Category: SportsRating: -1.27 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by unholy liver spots <mattkurz.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-06 13:43:16 EDT
I was sitting here, bored as fuck on a Thursday night. There's nothing on TV and I am surfing the web so I decide to go and check my email. Out of curiosity i look in the "Bulk Mail" folder and snicker to myself; about half the pieces of mail in there are about something sexually related. This gets me thinking: "well you really haven't had any high quality posts yet here on UBER, why don't you actually think of something good to write?"
Knowing that I am not much for spontaneity, I decide to create some fun. I remember how my friends and I used to go into "Spice Girls Fan Club" chat rooms and harass 14 year old girls looking to "cyber". For anyone who doesn't know what "cybering" is, it's basically when you talk dirty to someone in a chat or by instant message in hopes of a successful whack off session (or finger blasting session, if you're a chick).
Now you must also realize that the person you are talking to who says she is an 18/f/CA with blonde hair, blue eyes and huge boobs is most likely a 40 year old man who is married but still a nasty pervert pretending to be a young girl. That's the beauty of it: no one knows who the other really is, so everyone lies.
Anyway, I decided to make a fake screen name on AOL Instant Messenger and try this "cybering" thing out... but with a twist. The following conversations have had the screen names changed for harassment purposes, but the one I created (PAPA HYM3N) remains the same. Enjoy:
Conversation 1:
PAPA HYM3N: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritSprs1476: aight
PAPA HYM3N: slip out of those pants baby, yeah
BritSprs1476: I slip out of my pants, just for you papa
PAPA HYM3N: oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on a robe and wizard hat
BritSprs1476: oh, I like to play dress up
PAPA HYM3N: me too baby
BritSprs1476: I kiss you softly on your chest
PAPA HYM3N: I cast level 3 eroticism. You turn into a beautiful woman.
BritSprs1476: hey...
PAPA HYM3N: I meditate to regain my mana, before I cast level 8 clock of the infinite
BritSprs1476: funny I still don't see it
PAPA HYM3N: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness
BritSprs1476: you are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous
PAPA HYM3N: don't fuck with me bitch, im the mightiest sorcerer of all the lands
PAPA HYM3N: I steal yo soul and cast lightning level 1,000,000 your body explodes into a fine bloody mist
BritSprs1476: don't ever message me again you piece of shit
PAPA HYM3N: robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming pieces of metal
PAPA HYM3N: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnicks evil army of socialist republic robots. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like he did it
PAPA HYM3N: you still there baby? I think its getting hard now
Conversation 2:
PAPA HYM3N: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you
J_gurlie3: that's ok. Ok im a Japanese schoolgirl, what r u
PAPA HYM3N: a rhinoceros. Well, hung like one, that's for sure
J_gurlie3: haha, ok lets go
J_gurlie3: I put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck
PAPA HYM3N: I stomp the ground and snort, to alert you that you are on my breeding territory
J_gurlie3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on
J_gurlie3: I start unbuttoning your shirt
PAPA HYM3N: rhinoceroses don't wear shirts.
J_gurlie3: no, your not really a rhinoceros silly, its just part of the game
PAPA HYM3N: rhinoceroses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass
J_gurlie3: stop, cmon be serius
PAPA HYM3N: it doesn't get any more serius than a rhinoceros about to charge your ass
PAPA HYM3N: I stomp my feet, the dust skrits around my tough skinned feet
J_gurlie3: that's it.
PAPA HYM3N: nostrils flaring I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and I remain the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn
PAPA HYM3N: goddamn I am hard now
:: she logs off ::
Conversation 3 (this kinda sucked):
BritSprs1476: Ok, u ready?
EmninemNJNA: yeah im ready
BritSprs1476: I like your music Em... tee hee
EmninemNJNA: huh huh, yeah I make it for the ladies
BritSprs1476: mm, me like it a lot. Let me show you
BritSprs1476: I take off your pants and slowly massage your muscles
EmninemNJNA: oh I like that baby, I put on my robe and wizard hat
BritSprs1476: what the fuck?!??! You AGAIN?
EmninemNJNA: oh shit
BritSprs1476: I swear if you do it one more time im gonna report your isp and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up
EmninemNJNA: oh shit
EmninemNJNA: damn I gotta write down these names or something
User Reviews
Submitted by Girl <mnf.at.walla.co.il> at 2004-10-20 22:03:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was hilarious as hell!!!
Submitted by matthew <mdmppbog1189.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-09-19 03:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that wuz funny as hell
Submitted by worksucks (user info) at 2004-08-06 23:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shoot yourself
Submitted by Bender at 2004-08-06 21:16:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
- fuckin 2
Submitted by IsawBoobs (user info) at 2004-08-06 15:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
negative two because youre a faggot
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2004-08-06 15:25:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Plagiarism sucks.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-06 15:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I pull out my -2 wand and smack you silly with it.
Submitted by krootons (user info) at 2004-08-06 15:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why post something that you didn't write, and try to pass it off as yours? Go for a walk.
Jesus christ, what's the point? Internet-cred?
Haha. Go for a god damn walk, it'll do you good.
Submitted by Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-06 14:42:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 because fetish is a faggot.
And this is shit.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-06 14:41:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by unholy_liver_spots (user info) at 2004-08-06 13:53:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Eh, didnt say they happend to me... Just trying to share some good humor with the general public
But the title, "MY aol blah blah blah" did imply that it was YOURS now, didn't it?
Give credit where credit is due.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-06 14:30:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because AlahYakBlow is a cunt.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-06 14:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dear Mother Fucking Newbie,
Cut and Paste plagirizim will not cut it.
BY THE POWER INVESTED IN ME, BY THE HOLY ORDER OF THE UCP, AND AS THE MASTER BUTTON PUSHER, I HEARBY PUSH THE BUTTON AND NUKE YOUR POST!
Bow! Kapwing! Beo Beo beo! eeeehhhhhhhooooooo BOOM! ratatatatatatatatatatatatat. Beo beo!
Dammit. The post...it...it's still there! My nukes are useless! It must be a some sort of sheild powered by retardation! It's a sheild created by sheer stupidity!
Beo Beo! KA-BOOOOOOM!!!!! wop wop wop wop wop wop wop wop wop. Dammit! The sheild is to strong. Not even my nukes can get through the retardation of this post!
Oh well. here's a -2, and a prayer that you die a quick death. Soon.
Love,
Alahackbar
p.s. http://www.cartmanduuhrr.com/
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-08-06 14:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Damn...my cyber adventures were always so much dirtier!!!
I never knew HARD in a BOLD SEXY FONT could turn a man on sooo.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-08-06 14:13:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
original AND funny! plus fucking two!
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-08-06 14:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
good thing i read the other posts first
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-06 14:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Anyway, I decided to make a fake screen name on AOL Instant Messenger and try this "cybering" thing out... but with a twist. The following conversations have had the screen names changed for harassment purposes, but the one I created (PAPA HYM3N) remains the same. "
If that doesn't imply YOU did it, I don't know what does.
Submitted by unholy_liver_spots (user info) at 2004-08-06 13:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Eh, didnt say they happend to me... Just trying to share some good humor with the general public
Submitted by Pittdude (user info) at 2004-08-06 13:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This gets me thinking: "well you really haven't had any high quality posts yet here on UBER, why don't you actually think of something good to write?"
odviously didnt think long enough
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-06 13:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you are completely lame. these convos were done by bloodninja and you just changed the AIM name.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-08-06 13:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
copy and pasters make baby jebus cry.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-08-06 13:50:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is old. Very old.
Submitted by Tim at 2004-08-06 13:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
yeah, i read this a few years ago. the version that i saw (a long time ago) is at albinoblacksheep dot com. and, no, i'm not affiliated with them in any way.