The Shit In The Urinal (Also True) (1304 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.25 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by sketch9 (View user info) at 2004-08-06 23:57:23 EDT
You may need to read "The Shit In The Shoe" story first.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40948
I know alot of people here on our great ubersite have written about someone completely crazy (tom, cousin dano, etc.). I know if I said I had a friend with no common sense and a few mild judgement problems that gets him into crazy situations, I'd be marked with the worst n00b shame of all, stealing ideas. The only thing is, I really do have a friend like that. Call shenanigans if you want, but any stories I tell about him are completely true, no matter how ridiculous they may seem.
It all started out during my sophomore year in highschool. We had about five weeks left in school, and everyone was getting pretty anxious to get the fuck out of there. Nobody paid attention in class anymore, and, much to our teachers dismay, they couldnt do shit about it. Oh well, all the better. That just means i can skip my coffee and sleep right to the end of the day.The bathroom stalls had the walls taken out to be repainted (to cover the grafitti), and, as per usual, someone shit all over the toilet. I dont mean all over on the sides of the bowl, i mean all over. There was shit on the seat, shit on the outside, shit on the handle, all covered with a nice disease free layer of toilet paper, which had been promptly pissed on. We had to share our bathroom with the freshmen, so it was no big suprise anyway.
It was fourth hour, and it droned on slower than a retard saying his ABC's. With about twenty minutes left in class, Bruce gets up, doesnt say a word and heads for the door. Mr. Bradley, the english teacher, was in the classroom, but made no attempt at stopping him. Why? I dunno, guess they didnt pay that weird fucker enough. Outside of class, Bruce met up with another one of my friends, Josh. They both went into the bathroom together, and upon surveying the looks of said toilet bowls, Bruce formulated an idea. He said to Josh "Hey, keep a look out, im gonna shit in a fuckin urinal."
Josh obliged, and stood outside the door for the duration of about five seconds. Bruce, of course, was not aware of this, because he had his pants at his ankles and was proceeding to squeeze out a big ol log of love for the next poor sap to walk into the bathroom. With a little bit of grunting and squinting, the process had begun.
*PA-LUNK*
One down, just one more to...
The door opened, and Bruce, being Bruce, just continued on shitting happily. He figured it was Josh, just coming in to say hi... or something. Since the door does not open directly onto the main floor of the bathroom (it has a five foot long wall, for privacy. i think.) this allowed him a few extra seconds to look into the mirror and realize who was coming.
His face turned white. All plumbing immediately backed up, stopping midway. His heart raced.
Staring Bruce dead in the face was our vice principal, Mr. Slough. His face dropped open with suprise as he tried to take in what he was seeing. There Bruce was, pants at his ankles, junk hanging out, shitting in a god damn urinal. The stink rose high in the air.
*PA-LUNK*
"A...a....are you d-dumping in that urinal?!?"
"Uhhhhhhhhh....." (his mind raced, what should he say) "yeah?" (shit! wrong answer.)
"I think you're gonna have to come with me."
Bruce finished his business, pulled up his pants, and walked down to the principals office, face as red as a tomato. He was immediately sat down across from Mr. Slough and given the third degree.
"This is the worst thing that has ever happened at Westwood Highschool. Ever."
Bruce, being quick on his feet, responded, "Well, what about the shit in the shoe?"
"We...well, that too! I think you have a serious discipline problem here, mister."
"But did you look at that toilet? Im not gonna shit in that! It was disgusting..."
"And the urinal seemed to be the better choice?"
"Well, yeah... it kinda did."
"Thats no excuse, you're giving me no choice. Two weeks suspension."
Bruce did his time and came back. Then was quickly suspended again for chewing tobacco in school. Upon his third and final return, we were almost caught leaving for lunch (our school has a closed campus). Bruce is an unlucky bastard.
User Reviews
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-08 21:48:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Best Evar!
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-08-07 00:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I shit in a urinal once. I was going to do it on the boardwalk outside the restaurant anyway, but someone paid be $20 to do it inside the restroom of a nice dining eatery. So I did. Juiciest crap of my life.
I could have told a better "true" story, but this was mediocre.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-08-07 00:44:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I'd be marked with the worst n00b shame of all, stealing ideas."
another is more than one post a day. Chill out with the submit button.
one post a day. -1
I'd usually give this post a -1. It's better than the shit in a shoe story, but you are still rambling a little. So +2 for improvement.
-1
-1
+2
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0.0
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-07 00:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i know they are true because i am from westwood
Submitted by mujer_alterada (user info) at 2004-08-07 00:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This is disgusting. Men suck! I'm lesbian now :)