Detective Lynne Presents: I Caught A Shoplifter in the Act (831 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.11 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Detective Lynne (View user info) at 2004-08-07 17:41:41 EDT
I work at a retail clothing store at the mall. A store with a considerably large theft problem. (The associate manual calls this problem "shrinkage." I know, I giggled too when I first heard it. Teeeheehee.) Because of this little "shrinkage" (teeehheeeehee) problem, knowing the signs of a shoplifter is firmly stressed during employee training. I, being a new employee of only a few weeks, pride myself on being a pro with these signs.
Yesterday started like any other work day. I punched in at around 2:00 (that's right... I only work part time. High school, people...) and proceeded to meticulously straighten out a sale table of girls' camisoles. I was just finishing folding a particularly bright pink one when a girl asked me to let her in a fitting room. She looked about fifteen.
CAUSE FOR SUSPICION #1:
Aforementioned teen was wearing a baggy sweatshirt over her outfit. Yesterday was a hot day outside. Go figure. Sweatshirts are PERFECT for concealing stolen merchandise.
I led her to the fitting rooms in the middle of the store.
CAUSE FOR SUSPICION #2:
The girl was carrying a pile of at least 7 shirts. This makes it almost IMPOSSIBLE to notice any missing garments.
CAUSE FOR SUSPICION #3
She spent a good 20 minutes in the dressing room.
FINALLY the suspect emerged from her dressing room. By this time, I had mentioned the nervous teen to my manager. He came with me to watch her leave.
FINAL CAUSE FOR SUSPICION:
Sure enough, there was a tag from our store sticking out from underneath her sweatshirt. Now was time to act. Hero time.
Oh, it was textbook:
Me: Would you like us to ring up the item that you have?
Thief: What?
Me: The shirt that you have... would you like me to ring it up for you?
Thief: But I don't have anything that I want to buy.
My Manager: Look, if you really don't have anything, then you can go. But if you go and you DO have something, then there's a big problem.
Thief: I can't believe that you're accusing me of stealing! You don't have ANY PROOF. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!
She had never been more wrong in her life. Of course, she left the store. So, of course, my manager followed her and brought her back after showing her her fatal mistake of not properly concealing her stolen merchandise.
I couldn't say what happened after that... The girl was taken into the back office with my manager and our mall's rent-a-cop.
I paid them off to slap the little brat around a bit. If only we still followed Hammurabi's law code. To think, I could've watched them chop off her hands. Prosecution just isn't what it used to be.
Detective Lynne at your service.
User Reviews
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-08-08 11:26:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When you write I get a boner figure that one out detective.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:32:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Lynne (user info) at 2004-08-07 17:57:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
I admit, shitfuck, I'm a klepto myself. Especially from abercrombie, where I work.
I love you too. I'll be over to your house in five minutes.
You know the routine... handcuff yourself to the headboard like last time.
___________________
Points deducted for mindless, pathetic need for approval. And hypocrisy. And... oh, who cares, you just bother me.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hypocrite.
heathen.
Submitted by Smithstudd (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe next time you lay the law down you should cavity search her then Id actually enjoy your story.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-07 20:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm inclined to agree with insanethemind.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2004-08-07 20:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh...so according to the reviews, the shrinkage isn't only caused by the customers.
+1 nevertheless
Submitted by eryka_voss (user info) at 2004-08-07 19:53:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what Tom said.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-08-07 19:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking teen moron. I'm talking about you.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-07 19:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hey, you really have become "The man". How sad.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-07 19:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
THATONEGIRL:
i simply cannot stand hypocricy, on any level at all. ESPECIALLY when the cops come into play.
She deserves to be in jail along with the stupid theif and if you re read the post and ALL of the replies you will see why.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-08-07 19:11:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-07 18:55:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
i hope the kid sues you and your company for ALL you are worth and then some.
Unless that is, you are lying about you having them slap him around.
I tend to believe you are lying, but if not... court here we come.
CUNT
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Wow. I've never seen Insane so..... enraged.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-08-07 19:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You have become the epitome of "The man."
You are no better than George Bush, paying your men to "slap him around."
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-07 19:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-07 18:54:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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Speaking of douches.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-07 19:00:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Lynne (user info) at 2004-08-07 17:57:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
I admit, shitfuck, I'm a klepto myself. Especially from abercrombie, where I work.
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Wow, bitch. You must be the most hypocritical cunt I have run across in a while.
'
Karma bitch, get ready for it.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-07 18:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i hope the kid sues you and your company for ALL you are worth and then some.
Unless that is, you are lying about you having them slap him around.
I tend to believe you are lying, but if not... court here we come.
CUNT
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-07 18:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-07 18:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
paid them off to slap the little brat around a bit.
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Minus two for you, you fucking gonorrhea infested cunt
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2004-08-07 18:52:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have never been caught stealing before, except the ONE time I decided to steal clothes. Bad idea. She let me go though.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-07 18:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
congratulations, you have become "The Man."
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-07 18:23:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I just want to see her crack...fuck the cases.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-08-07 18:17:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you really need to read my private detective series... that'll give you some good tips on how to crack difficult cases.
Submitted by Lynne (user info) at 2004-08-07 18:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sofa Queen- Ummmmmmmmm thanks?
amlsd- you have yourself a deal.
Submitted by Sofa_Queen (user info) at 2004-08-07 18:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2. Sorry, this was crap. You got lucky. Usually the thiefs ignore you, and run, and don't come back when your manager goes after them. Then they fight the mall security, take his mace, and burn the eyes of anyone in a ten foot radius. Then they come back to your store and rape you in the dressing room, afterwards throwing the item they intended to steal on your quivering body, saying "It didn't fit right anyway". Then they unload a couple of rounds from their concealed desert eagle into your chest and spray the remainder of the mace into the gaping wounds so the burning liquid courses it's way through your blood stream, leaving you in agony, a bloody dieing mess on the floor. At least that's what I would do.
Submitted by almsd (user info) at 2004-08-07 18:09:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 if you promise to nver catch me stealing in your store
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-07 18:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I'll give you a +1 because I believe that you swallow.
Submitted by Lynne (user info) at 2004-08-07 17:57:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I admit, shitfuck, I'm a klepto myself. Especially from abercrombie, where I work.
I love you too. I'll be over to your house in five minutes.
You know the routine... handcuff yourself to the headboard like last time.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-08-07 17:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to work at Future Shop here in Canada, we used to have all these gangbanger wannabes stealing CD's--it was so pathetic. How many Canadians wear parkas in the summer? Zero.
Of course I used to walk out with at least one CD every shift, but that doesn't count as theft--I was enslaved there.
I love you, let's fuck.
Submitted by MrB (user info) at 2004-08-07 17:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Woohoo!
Just a little tip though...you should've said:
"Do you feel lucky punk?!"
Ok....i admit, this probably would work out best if you had a magnum in your hand...but well...would've sound cool!;-)
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-07 17:50:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh... Kay?