Diary of a Madman 15 (1089 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: doam
Rating: 1.9 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bigmike (View user info) at 2004-08-08 00:06:39 EDT
I look at him lying there in the corner.
Fetal position, shivering, waiting for the next round.
I walk over and stand above him, amused at the pathetic form beneath me. He is waiting. I am his savior. I hold his release in my hands, he is at my beck and call, eager to please and yearning for a reward.
The last five months have taught me the power of addiction. It has taught him the majesty of it's reign. It has taught him the power of it's hedonistic rage. It is complete in it's destruction. It turns otherwise rational human beings into beasts of burden. It turns lovely ladies into sex slaves. It turns the meekest of the meek into deadly, bloodthirsty killers. He is about to be all of these. All he knows is his world, But he is about to find out about mine.
He is shaking uncontrollably now, looking for the fix. Funny thing that is, that it is called a fix. Does it really fix anything. It'll stop the shaking, maybe make him feel better again, but does he know the cost? Can he understand at this point that he is about to do things he never thought he could possibly submit to?
I revel in the possibilities. I kneel down next to him and make him look up at me. I hold the packet of powder out to him. His eyes brighten a bit and he feebly reaches up for it. I punch him, hard. He must know his manners. I rarely speak to him, all he needs to know will come from, and do come from my actions. He is a nice shade of black and blue all over his body.
His pain must be exquisite.
He looks up at he bag, focused entirely upon it's contents. I shake it a little in front of him so he can see that it is quite a good amount. He licks his lips and spittle drips down his dirty, bloody chin. As he shifts his body I stand up again. Being this close to him makes the revulsion ever sweeter. To smell his foul odor and know he doesn't care. To see the sores and bruises and know that it is not as important to him as what I hold in my hand. To witness the sublimation of a soul, complete and utter reverence to another thing, another being. Total reliance upon another, that other to choose at his will what comes next.
I go to the table and cook the drug. He smells it and starts salivating wildly, crawling across the floor watching me for any telltale movement that I am going to strike out against him. He sees that I am not, but he doesn't dare get any closer than a few feet while I prepare his fix. He does not have much patience at this point but he has no choice. I hold his destiny in my hands. I tell him what to do and when to do it. I say when he eats, sleeps, farts, fixes.
I am done cooking and I fill the syringe. He observes this and knows now that he is very close to having what he needs. I hold it up for him to see and I place it gingerly on the table out of his reach.
He is mine. Completely.
"You can have your heroin, but you must work for it".
He cocks his head as if he has never heard my voice before. Maybe he hasn't. He cannot remember if I have actually spoken to him or not. I show him the straight razor. The light in the room reflecting off of the blade and onto his disgusting face. He is mesmerized but he still has no clue what he is about to do.
"Use it. On yourself. Now".
He is puzzled as I hand the razor to him. I hold up the syringe and show him how full it is of the beautiful liquid. He looks at it longingly, willing to submit to my request. Slowly he reaches down and opens up his shirt. he looks at me once again and then glances at the drug. He places the razor up against his chest and starts to cut vertically in a downward movement.
I watch as the blood begins to drip from the wound he is creating. A faint smile emanates from my lips and as he is cutting I notice the cut is getting deeper.
"Stop! Put it down!"
He drops the razor. Blood is all over his chest and stomach now. I kick him hard and he topples over onto his back. I look to his arm, trying to find a place to inject the drug. I reach over and jam the needle into his arm at the first sign of a bulging vein. He is quite skinny and I am sure that I hit what I am looking for. I depress the plunger and immediately he goes slack.
The shaking is gone. He is lying there, prone, unable to save himself from the destiny of my choosing.
Domination. Total and complete. What a turn on.
I see his sweat mixing with his blood. He is sweating profusely and I can only imagine what was going through his mind as the razor made it's way into his flesh, of his own hand. I am excited. I consider this briefly as I reach down and caress my crotch, but decide to just watch him for awhile.
I'll just watch him bleed. Maybe. Just a little while.
I have time for the other thing later.
User Reviews
Submitted by Holz (user info) at 2005-02-22 16:58:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-08-10 11:24:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Christ, I practically have to peer at these through my fingers at this point.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-08-10 07:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jees!
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-08-09 12:03:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-08 12:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Regardless of why I don't read these, or why they bring back memories, they are still written excellently.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-08-08 12:18:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.apostrophe.fsnet.co.uk/
There were only two or three errors, but hey- it's a funny site. I love this series. It seems quite like American Psycho, but not as over-rated, pedantic, or stilted (could you tell that I didn't like the book?).
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2004-08-08 05:58:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
man i love this stuff.
-Black Ninja
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:31:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
StonedSilly, the self mutilation thing obviously is in here to define the level of addiction the subject has sunk to.
It obviously has brought some memories back to you.
I hope those bad memories fade and don't hurt too much. I really do.
Thanks for reading.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goodnight, I'll catch anything you respond with tomorrow morning.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:21:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I knew why I don't particularly enjoy reading these.
I actually went back and read it all the way through and it sent shivers down my spine.
I've witnessed friends cutting themselves with razor blades, I've witnessed two successful suicides, I've witnessed so many things that should never be witnessed. By anyone.
So, really, I cannot stand the sight or thought of anyone self-mutilating, or anyone being mutilated. It sickens me, yet piques my interest at the same time.
I've ended relationships because she decided to cut herself and then hide it from me.
I cannot stand it when people hide stuff from me.
I've nearly ended friendships over the same kind of stuff.
Neither my ex nor my friend mutilates any more.
Like I said, Bigmike, keep writing these. I'll eventually start reading them in their entirety, but right now I think it'd be better for me to just stick to skimming them.
Thank you for gracing uber with your material.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:18:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow.
that's really good.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
StonedSilly, for someone who really doesn't like what is going on in the posts to say that is truly remarkable.
Thanks.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It is important to me that these are portrayed as real life kind of stuff. Things that could truly happen. It makes it creepier that way I think.
I imagine that there are people out there right now doing stuff like this. It gives me the chills and makes me want to protect my family. :)
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:10:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mike - Please email me at fickle_muse.at.hotmail.com, when you get time. I want to ask you something - actually, I just want to pick your brain - and I hate living on posts.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BigMike:
I have never really been a fan of the DoaM series.
They're just not my type of writing.
I hope you can appreciate that.
The fact remains that these are written excellently.
They convey real human thoughts and are incredibly realistic.
So, as a person who isn't a fan of this series, keep writing them.
I really do enjoy seeing them up, but I don't read them anymore.
I usually just skim over them to get an idea of the feeling and such.
Anyways, keep on writing these.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:03:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alright, I see where you're coming from. I was just hoping for an insight into how you got your ideas, considering the situations you present your character in, and the fact that none of us have realistically seen such situations. Great job on the realism though. Odd that your fan-base is so limited - but that's what a series will do. I hate trying to keep up with all the series, but at the same time, it such a shame that some of the best go unnoticed.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:01:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They are fun to write Circe, but sometimes I am disturbed at what I have written once I go back and read it.
I mean, I write it right? Why should I be disturbed?
It's creepy.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-08 00:58:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fabish,
As with much of what I write, this was an idea that just came out. I was pondering one day what a madman would write in his diary. I tried to imagine where he was, what he was doing, where he would go and then maybe write about it.
It just comes out after thinking about it a little while. I thought of this scenario after listening to a Lynrd Skynrd song:
Whiskey bottles, and brand new cars
Oak tree you're in my way
There's too much coke and too much smoke
Look what's going on inside you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Angel of darkness is upon you
Stuck a needle in your arm
So take another toke, have a blow for your nose
One more drink fool, will drown you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Now they call you Prince Charming
Can't speak a word when you're full of 'ludes
Say you'll be all right come tomorrow
But tomorrow might not be here for you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Hey, you're a fool you
Stick them needles in your arm
I know I been there before
One little problem that confronts you
Got a monkey on your back
Just one more fix, Lord might do the trick
One hell of a price for you to get your kicks
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
I decided to write about addiction and what the madman would do with it.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-08 00:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's not funny. I actually salivate when I see one of these. But I don't click on it right away. No... I force myself to go make coffee, or wash dishes, or something, anything to draw out the time because I know that after I've read it, I'll be waiting for days and days again.
God, I wish I'd thought of this first. These must be so much fun to write.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-08 00:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-08 00:30:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah.. that's the stuff. I'll be okay for a little while now.
And I refuse to see the similarities between you making me wait forever for more of these posts, and the lunatic above witholding heroin.
Haha, that's pretty funny Circe.
The power of addiction.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-08-08 00:35:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I must just be asking the wrong questions. Either way, your response wasn't quite what I was looking for. I know what it is, and I realize almost every error (if you can call them such) is intentional. I was just curious as to what sparked your creative mind into wanting to do a story like this. I'm not judging nor do I think a story like this is despicable or etc., because I wanted to write horror, but I've got no stepping stones in which to begin. I guess I'll just accept your answer that you gave, and wait to see how this turns out.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-08 00:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah.. that's the stuff. I'll be okay for a little while now.
And I refuse to see the similarities between you making me wait forever for more of these posts, and the lunatic above witholding heroin.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-08 00:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a diary. It's written as if a diary would be. Random thoughts. It just comes out the way it comes out. I don't strive for correct grammar as much as just the way the thoughts come out.
Sometimes it is a bit choppy and unpredictable. It just comes out that way.
I am interested in the mind that works like this. I have been a horror fan for quite a few years and I guess I just wanted a go at this kind of thing.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-08-08 00:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love this shit.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-08-08 00:20:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Total reliance upon another, that other to choose at his will what comes next."
I haven't been browsing Uber much lately, so I don't really know everything's that happened up to now. But as with the first part of this series, I am bothered by just this one sentence. It started out fine but after the comma it began to read really choppy. Like everything was a predicate nominative and it should be switched around to read better. It's tough to enjoy the stories when things start to get muddled. Otherwise, it was enjoyable...you know, in the psychotic, depraved sort of way.
I'll try to catch up with most of it tonight, and add a comment if I have anything worthwhile to say. My only question, and I know you've mentioned before you just wanted to write something like this, but what gave you the inspiration. And believe me, I don't mean any real occurance, because realities such as this is a tough thing to think about. Even for a madman.
Keep up the good work.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-08-08 00:18:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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