High-speed Ice Cream Chase (903 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.33 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Slovin (View user info) at 2004-08-08 19:48:26 EDT
"What the hell is that sound?" I thought, setting down my LAN cables and glancing out the window.
Trying to get a Windows 95 machine to connect to a Windows XP machine is a very difficult task, much like trying to get, say, a French person, to talk to, say, an advanced alien computer system several lightyears away with only a paper towel roll and an eggplant. But I digress.
After attempting such a difficult task, I am no doubt in need of liquid refreshment, or perhaps some ice cream. It is for this reason that I immediately placed the noise coming down the street as the unmistakable jingle of the ice cream truck.
But something was amiss.
The truck was not moving at a reasonable speed in order to attract its younger target market, as it normally would and should.
The ice cream truck was hurtling down the road at a completely unorthodox speed of no less than 35 miles per hour (~56kph).
I grabbed my keys and ran.
Luckily I always park for a quick escape and the car was already facing the correct direction for a high-speed chase. By the time I got inside and started the engine the truck was already out of sight, around the corner and behind many trees. I spun the wheels and took off after it into the bowels of the neighborhood.
I had to stop every few minutes and listen for the infectious ice cream truck jingle to determine which road it had taken. I had to hurry, as it was getting fainter. Left, left, right, left.... Where the hell did it go?!
I drove to the end of a road and sat at an intersection, listening. It sound like it was coming from...
I looked in a mirror. I saw the truck go past the road directly behind me. I quickly turned right and tried to head him off.
Swerving around parked cars on both sides of the narrow road I heard the music again to my immediate right. I cut hard, then turned left again and saw break lights on an enormous white box - the back of the ice cream truck, speeding away toward the interstate, presumably toward the next residential area.
The music stopped. He sped up.
I sped up too. I was now almost right behind him. I saw a stop up ahead and I knew getting around him and flagging him down wasn't an option with all the parked cars, so it was convenient that the stop sign was there. I quickly parked and got out, then ran up to the truck.
The truck started to move.
I panicked and flung myself against the large display side, making a loud BOOM noise. The truck stopped, and after a few seconds the window opened.
I breathlessly made my ice cream selection, elated with my glorious victory over the Ice Cream Man, as he got it from the freezer.
"Two forty-nine," said he.
"Alright," said I.
"Shit," thought I. My wallet had neglected to find its way into my pocket during my haste to get out of the house.
I knew if he saw me hesitate he'd know I didn't have any money, so I continued to reach for my imaginary wallet, while glancing back up at him.
"Two forty-nine?" I asked casually, removing my imaginary wallet.
"Yep," said he, clearly in a hurry.
I noticed the ice cream was beginning to melt a bit in the hot afternoon sun. I made a motion to accept the ice cream while I extracted some imaginary bills from my imaginary wallet with the other hand.
He fell for it. Obviously eager to get rid of the soon-to-be-melted ice cream, he handed it over.
I sprinted for my car.
"HEY!" He yelled, understandably miffed.
"SORRY!" I yelled back, thanking myself for leaving the car running.
I was curious to see if he would try to exit the truck and try to stop me, or if he would climb into the driver's seat and try to follow me.
He didn't get out.
I did a quick 3-point turnaround on the narrow road and sped back the way I had come. The truck did a U-turn in the intersection and started following me. I rounded the corner and made a few quick turns, taking the scenic route home.
User Reviews
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-13 05:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kochier is a nuking bastard. Bart-Bart, I can't see how you can ban brendan but not this guy.
Submitted by kochier (user info) at 2005-04-12 20:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-09 07:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-08-09 02:21:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ripping off the ice-cream man is tantamount to kicking Santa in the groin.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-08-09 02:14:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA!
See, a good writer can make something simple, well, exciting.
No, not like that you sickos.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-08-08 21:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-08-08 20:10:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Try NetBEUI
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-08-08 20:10:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-08-08 20:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's impossible to compete with rape.
Did that come out right?
Submitted by Marauder (user info) at 2004-08-08 20:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For $2.49 that must have been some real kiss ass ice cream.
It better have been, oh wait you skipped out on paying.
Screw the over priced ice cream man, DAMN THE MAN!
Win95 + WinXP = Headache
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-08-08 20:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe, stupid ice cream men. Almost as stupid as the kebabish people from Beccles.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-08-08 19:51:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So did you get raped or something?