Bob's Visit to Ubercon (1909 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.77 on 111 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by polywallydoodleaj (AJ) <ajcassidy221.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-10 12:47:54 EDT
Dateline- Friday, August 6, 2004
Beer bong in the backyard.
Steak on the grill.
Fucking in the upstairs bathroom.
Ass Worshippers 3 on TV in the living room.
This was the scene for Bob's first, and probably last, Ubercon.
It was 9:30 PM, and everyone was fucking hammered. I was on the computer trying to track down various Uberers who hadn't yet shown up to the party, and trying to find Dan's phone. I was laying on the floor, with my head on the computer desk chair, typing away when Dan's friend Big Boob Stacy showed up, asking me why I was on the floor.
"I am so fucking drunk," I said with a glazed look in my eyes, as I looked up at her. I rolled my head back even further and thought to myself, "That looks like Bob..." I scanned back a little more and thought, "Who's that pissed-off Italian lady with Bob?"
The realization hit me harder than George hit the beer bong. I stood up, and put on my best smile and gentlemanly demeanor, staggering over to them.
"HEY, BOBBY!!" I said louder than I had intended to. "How was your flight?"
"It was okay... where's Dan?"
"Oh, he's in the backyard," I said. I was trying desperately yet subtly to bend down and turn off the TV. I didn't think that Bob's mom wanted to see some chick with a clitoris ring getting railed at a party her 16 year old son was going to be attending. I couldn't find the button. I must have left fingerprints everywhere on the TV but the Power button. I finally, through some stroke of drunken Irish luck, managed to get the TV turned off. Relief washed over Bob's face as he nodded silent approval at me.
Then it happened.
"OOOOOH! OOOOOOOOH! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!! UH! UH! UH! AAAAH!"
The porn was still breaching the defenses of the TV Power button. It was coming through the surround sound speakers just as loudly as before. I didn't know what the hell to do. If I couldn't find a fucking button on the TV, how the hell was I going to manage to turn off something as complicated as surround sound?
Then Big Boob Stacy made her worst appearance of the night. She walked over and said, "Hey, I was watching that!" as she turned the TV back on in time to see the money shot right on a girl's ass. As if that weren't bad enough, she kept talking, this time to Bob. "Hey, there's food over here, and there's cake, and there's beer over there in the coolers."
I tried to take the concerned, responsible adult approach to the situation, as I realized that no one in the house at the time was going to stop their debauchery long enough to worry about the situation. Tiffany may have been talking to Bob's mom, but I was too drunk to worry about such frivolous things as peripheral vision. "Bob's 17," I said, with a matter-of-fact tone.
Then the 5 feet 6 inches of old, Italian fury piped up. "NO, he's 16!"
I could tell that this wasn't going so well. I needed backup. It was time to alert everyone in the backyard of the situation. I ducked under the cieling fan in the dining area as I opened up the screen door to see Dan: standing on the porch. Filling a beer bong. Wearing the 14-carat WWF championship belt. With a Blue Demon wrestling mask. And no shirt.
"Dan! Bob and his mom are here!" I said as I laughed uncontrollably, discharging splecks of spittle as I talked.
I couldn't see his entire face because of his mask, but the look on his face was fucking priceless.
"Are you serious?" he asked. I stood there, nodding at him like a bobblehead doll, a stupid grin on my face. "Oh, shit! Somebody help me find my shirt!"
But it was too late. Dan managed to get the wrestling mask and the belt off, but that was all he had time to do before Bob and his mom came out the backdoor. I didn't stick around for that, I was off to tell more people about what was going on, and I was going to have another beer. I made the mistake of telling Dave (ToxicNarcotic) that the old lady on the porch was Bob's mom. He kept saying things like, "Peener!" and I would laugh like it was the funniest fucking thing I had ever heard.
After I had informed all the Uberers that Bob and his chaperone had arrived, I headed back up to the porch to see a very standoffish scene.
Dan: So, can I cook you a steak? I'll put a shirt on.
Bob's Mom: No, we can't stay too long tonight.
And then more dead silence. This was like watching an old man fall on the ice: it's horrible, but you can't help but point and laugh. Lucky for Dan, George was there to save the day. He lumbered up like Swamp Thing and introduced himself in his heavy accent.
"Hello, my name is George. You must be Bob's grandmother."
I damn near peed myself right there. After the fact was established that she was Bob's mother, they proceeded to start talking business. Bob's mom told George what she did, and George just kind of stood there. He scratched his head and walked away. Later on we would find out from George that, "Bob's mom tried talking business with me, but I just couldn't talk business. I'm too fucking drunk." Shortly thereafter, George passed out in the woods.
It was then Corinne's turn to take a swing at Bob's mom. Maybe it just required a woman's touch to the situation.
Corinne: Mrs. Bob, your Bobby is so smart. He is just the smartest kid I know. I ask him all these questions that most kids wouldn't know, and he knows the answer to them. Just random trivia stuff.
Me: Like what Cor?
Corinne: Well, I can't give an example right now...
Me: No, come on. Let's see if Bob can get it.
Corinne: Okay, I could ask Bobby, 'who won the war in 1927?' and he would know the answer.
Me: There was a war in 1927?
Bob's Mom (obviously frustrated): So, what is it about you people that makes you want to come from all over to meet each other? I mean, you're from Michigan, and you're from...?
Me: I live in Iowa.
At this point I lifted up my Hawkeyes jersey I was wearing and revealed the map of Iowa tee I was wearing underneath. I pulled around the fabric to my desired location and pointed out where I live.
Me: See, I live right up here by my left nipple.
Corinne: I think that we all can meet each other and become good friends because we all know each other.
Bob's Mom: You know each other from just talking online?
Corinne: Well that and you can tell alot from someone by how they write. Yeah. Definitely. And your Bobby is such a good writer. I think it's so great that you care enough about Bob to come with him and check things out.
Bob's Mom: Well, it was either that I came with him, or he didn't come. Mom shows up to the party, or Chris doesn't go.
I stood there nodding, sipping Corona and eating a steak with my bare hands. I felt bad for Bob on the one hand, but on the other, it was pretty fucking funny. And my steak was good.
Bob's Mom: Do they have a phone book? I'm going to look up a cab company.
She stepped inside, surveying her options, and I went back to hanging out around the fire. About ten minutes later I saw Bob and Corinne still talking on the porch.
Me: Hey Bob, where's your mom at?
Bob: She's inside, why?
Me: Cause I'm totally going to hit that.
As I said this I realized that the glass portion of the screen door wasn't closed, and it was just the screen that was closed. Bob's mom looked at me with fire in her eyes, and I sheepishly smiled on my way to taking a piss.
About twenty minutes later, I realized that Bob wasn't at the party anymore. I asked around about him, and nobody seemed to know. Then he called someone's cell phone, and said, "Hey, it's Bob. We're on our way back to New York, now."
Happy Ubercon, Bob and Bob's Mom. See you next year?
User Reviews
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-11-13 21:39:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, this was goddamn hilarious.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-01-13 00:14:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Academy (user info) at 2004-12-17 20:28:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by HawkeyesTheGAME (user info) at 2004-10-23 16:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by eIectrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-23 16:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:12:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was hilarious.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-13 22:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Can I come, Loren?
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Disektor - yeah, well, it's MY choice to not be arrested for contributing to the deliquency of - or serving alcohol to - a minor.
----------------------------
As far as the other comment below about his mother "being the coolest ever" - ??? No fucking comment.
----------------------------
All I will say is, if I ever decided to host an Uber gathering, it would be on a school night.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-08-13 01:15:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know.. I don't know of anyone that has ever stepped foot in a high school that hasn't been subjected to alcohol, sex, and drugs on multiple occasions. Being subjected to something and actively taking part in it, however, are two very different things.
There were plenty of times I could have drank myself stupid, had sex, or gotten high during High School, but I passed. I admit there are some pretty big differences between going to Ubercon and attending a high school, but the pressure is there regardless and ultimately it will be up to your kid to decide whether or not he wants to partake in what is happening.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-08-12 20:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:29:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
b) Suprisingly, my mother has given me the go ahead to drive to the next Ubercon ALONE.
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You must have the coolest mother ever. First of all, to take you to a party thrown by a bunch of strangers from the Internet. And then to let you go again. WHAT?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-12 13:50:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PornoGuyOntheCouch (user info) at 2004-08-11 23:40:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bobs mom was hot
-----------------
this is either method or AJ
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-08-12 11:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to go to an American one of these. I don't think I get on with anyone properly, on here from England.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-08-12 02:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess Loren is right if you're going to be a SQUARE dude...
Nah, she is right, but it is kind of a buzzkill to read it.
Fucking hilarious story, too.
Submitted by PornoGuyOntheCouch (user info) at 2004-08-11 23:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bobs mom was hot
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-11 23:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loren rules
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-08-11 23:30:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As much as I hate to say it, Loren is completely right.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-08-11 23:23:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ubercon texas:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/41385
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-08-11 18:43:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Or you could just...
CHILL THE FUCK OUT LOREN!!!
Every Uber was invited.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-08-11 16:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He spent fifteen years getting loaded
Fifteen years 'till his liver exploded
Now what's Bob gonna do now that he can't drink?
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-08-11 13:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whoa freaky I agree with Loren about something
still Bob, props for having the guts to ask your mom to go with you to a party like that
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:15:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I feel sorry for Bob. And his mum."
I'm sorry, but why?
I can't believe that some of you people think it's acceptable. Ainkara maybe - that's understandable to a degree, being as you're what, 18?
But come on...
16 year olds should be hanging out with other 16 year olds. Not at a party with 20 and 30-somethings, especially when sex, alcohol, pornography, and drugs (all the things reserved for adults that make life worth living) are involved.
Why?
Because it's just wrong. These things are not meant for children. Shit, most times adults can't handle them.
I don't care how "mature" you think you are at 16, you're still 16.
What happened to telling kids to stop rushing to grow up?
On a selfish note, I certainly wouldn't want to go to a party with the intent to cut loose and let my hair down only to end up feeling like a babysitter, or worse, some sad woman in her 30's sinking to a new low by partying with a child.
I'm not one to run around preaching "It's the LAW" - because for the most part, I flip the bird at it myself....
HOWEVER...
I wonder what law enforcement would think if they heard that a 16 year old boy was "invited" to a party like this one by internet strangers? Alcohol, porn, sleeping over...? If his mother actually left him there she'd be the first one brought up on charges of endangering the welfare of a minor. I'm sorry, but WHAT IS SHE THINKING???
Ah fuck it, my respect level has just dropped another notch. I am going to give up before it takes an even bigger tumble.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-08-11 03:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
priceless
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahaha....
I feel sorry for Bob. And his mum. But damn that was funny... hehehehe....
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I stood there nodding, sipping Corona and eating a steak with my bare hands. I felt bad for Bob on the one hand, but on the other, it was pretty fucking funny. And my steak was good."
This is the absolutely the best ubercon story. Sooo fucking funny, especially because it's so easy for me to picture everyone.
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Son of a BITCH, I wish I would have had the money to make it there. Someone will have to start putting together an Ubercon for the Midwest. Omaha, Minneapolis, something. And it will be mandatory for Jimbo to attend so he can make another vat of his famous Jungle Juice. Do I dare to ask him to invite Tom?
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:42:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is hilarious. Bob's mom sounds like a good sport for having gone up there with him.
Now I definitely wish I had been there.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:35:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I told my friends this story tonight...
They were rolling with laughter.
Half because of the story, half because I went to NH to meet internet people.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:24:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
polywallydoodleaj
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-08-11 00:50:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-08-10 22:37:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
I cant believe he talked his mother into taking him.
#1) she would agree to go. (Yes)
#2) bob would want her to go. (No)
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-08-10 23:39:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh. My. God.
This is so freakin funny.
Next Ubercon, I am GOING.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-08-10 22:37:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cant believe he talked his mother into taking him.
#1) she would agree to go.
#2) bob would want her to go.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-10 21:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH MY GOD! ITS HLB!!!!
You fuckin rule!
Submitted by HLB (user info) at 2004-08-10 21:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AJ - fucking awesome post!!!! I love you!
Fetish - why so bitter, really, get a life
Val - I LOVE YOU!
Firefly - you survived ubercon, and still seem so innocent, you didn't kiss a girl or anything!
all in all, awesome ubercon, and for those of you who don't like all the ubercon posts...DON'T READ THEM!
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2004-08-10 21:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking hilarious.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-08-10 20:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's hilarious. Good stuff.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-08-10 20:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaeeeewww...
thanks lojo. I'm going to do some major laundry.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-10 20:34:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know.... as I was folding the blankets and stuff that were on that couch, the porno guy popped into my head and I had the sudden dire need to take a shower...
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-08-10 19:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My house has a weird cloud of sex and sweated-out tequila wafting around.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-08-10 19:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucked up.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-10 19:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm spanking my bird...I feel so alive.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-08-10 18:57:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's better every time.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-08-10 18:57:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Muaha.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-10 18:48:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My jaw hurts.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-10 18:29:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm eating a carrot right now..
I feel so horny.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-10 18:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm drinking a beer right now... I feel so alone
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-10 18:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-08-10 17:22:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Round-trip airfare from NY: $900
Gas and tolls from Boston to NH: $40
Rental car: $215
Bringing your mother to UberCon: Priceless
There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's AJ.
BAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-08-10 18:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha fantastic. George's line was fucking incredible.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-10 18:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha bob's mom made him go home.
my dad would've been like "Alright guys, who's got the bong? I brought beer and if ANY ONE OF YOU FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT TOUCHES IT, YOU'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD, YOU UNDERSTAND? Oh, pack that bowl."
he's still a piece of shit.
Submitted by PornoGuyOntheCouch (user info) at 2004-08-10 18:06:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone stole Ass Worship 3.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-08-10 18:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd totally love to go to an Ubercon. In the outside chance I somehow make it to Vegas, I'd probably only stay for a day or two, as everyone has stated, it's not gonna be much fun for someone underage.
This was hilarious. Bob, if that had been my mom, fuck, I don't know what would have happened.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-10 17:50:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh god I suck.
I SO thought I was sober.
haha god damn beer.
I'm sorry bob.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-08-10 17:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I had showed up 6 hours earlier, I could have witnessed this. Damn the drive!
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-08-10 17:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PLUS TWOOOOOOOO
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-08-10 17:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Round-trip airfare from NY: $900
Gas and tolls from Boston to NH: $40
Rental car: $215
Bringing your mother to UberCon: Priceless
There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's AJ.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-10 17:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was more creeped out by Dan's buddy on the pullout watching porn with his dog.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-08-10 17:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it. I'm gonna make an alternate user ID: Bobs_Mom.
All the posts will be scolding rants by an angry Italian woman with a Napolean complex.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:12:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You're just like ever other 30 year old I've seduced... . "
Hahahahahaha!
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's just something so wrong about this, Jesus, I have a 20 year old nephew and a 17 year old niece who I would NEVER allow to hang out with some of the Uber whackos I know, and I have to question why your mother would ever consider letting you hang out with people so much older than you in the first place.
----
Sure, you'll let a 20 year old go down on you but you won't hang out with him? You're just like ever other 30 year old I've seduced... selfish.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing personal Bob, but any 16 year old, with or without his mother (who's probably nearer to my age than you are) attending a gathering like this is exactly why I did not go. So hats off to the rest of you who weren't completely freaked out by this.
There's just something so wrong about this, Jesus, I have a 20 year old nephew and a 17 year old niece who I would NEVER allow to hang out with some of the Uber whackos I know, and I have to question why your mother would ever consider letting you hang out with people so much older than you in the first place.
Otherwise -
This post was hysterical.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:53:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll never get tired of hearing/reading this story.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For some reason I kept expecting your voice to break when I spoke to you on the phone.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:52:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AJ you did a fucking great job with this story. Perfect.
"So, can I make you a steak or something? I'll put a shirt on."
Fuck me. Is this really my life?
Hahahahaha!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:39:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Bob, I've been calling dibs all weekend.
People were threatening to kneecap me if I fucked it up, so I had to deliver it hard and fast.
```````````````
"hard and fast"? to bob's mom?
MWAHAHAAHHAHA
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm totally gonna drive to the next Ubercon.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sheesh. i can go to the next ubercon.
god you people are overreacting.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
VVRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
WWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
...And there goes Bob's internet connection.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:17:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
This Fetish asshole could be the gayest, most limp wristed asshole I've ever come across.
Nice life you got there, dipshit..
"OOOhhh, ooohhh...I'm gonna give a -2...I have a little mini hard on now! Yippee!"
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:19:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awh, poor Bob.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
don.
for one thing, i didnt expect all of you to be shitfaced.
second, i thought more like 10. when my mother would have left.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:11:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Me: See, I live right up here by my left nipple.
Me: Hey Bob, where's your mom at?
Bob: She's inside, why?
Me: Cause I'm totally going to hit that.
----------------------------------------------
fucking AJ. You're the man, dude.
you did a wonderful job telling this story.
+2's for life
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:10:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aj, let's relive the conversation you and I had that night:
Me: Hey aj, how's ubercon going. Ima call jared later and if he's there I can talk to you guys.
you: I'M DRUNK. CALL US NOW.
Me: Are you sure?
you: I AM SO FUCKING DRUNK
Me: You didn't answer.
you: I'M TOO DRUNK TO FIND THE PHONE
Me: I see
you: GUESS WHAT VIV? I'M DRUNK!
Me: See, I live right up here by my left nipple.
BAHAHAHAH!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And then more dead silence. This was like watching an old man fall on the ice: it's horrible, but you can't help but point and laugh. Lucky for Dan, George was there to save the day. He lumbered up like Swamp Thing and introduced himself in his heavy accent.
"Hello, my name is George. You must be Bob's grandmother."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-08-10 14:31:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
His mom and him came from NY to Chicago?
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-08-10 14:23:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that's fucking awesome
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:57:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:40:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:39:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
who the hell is Bob and why was a 16 year old at an ubersite party?
_______
im fucking bob.
and i wanted to fucking go...
i didnt expect them ALL to be shitfaced by 8:30.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what did you expect then? 8:45?
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:54:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehe
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
neat
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Hello, my name is George. You must be Bob's grandmother."
aaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaahahahwooooooooooooooooo
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your mom was planning on staying at the party with you the whole time?
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:39:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
who the hell is Bob and why was a 16 year old at an ubersite party?
_______
im fucking bob.
and i wanted to fucking go...
i didnt expect them ALL to be shitfaced by 8:30.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bob, I've been calling dibs all weekend.
People were threatening to kneecap me if I fucked it up, so I had to deliver it hard and fast.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:39:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that's just classy.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
who the hell is Bob and why was a 16 year old at an ubersite party?
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna see some pictures of this shit.
-BongZilla
UberCon Vegas 2k5!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:31:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I stared at her boobies.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a) yes, this actually happened. and yes, this was pretty much right.
b) Suprisingly, my mother has given me the go ahead to drive to the next Ubercon ALONE.
c) AJ YOU FUCKING CUNT I WAS GOING TO POST THIS.
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bahaaha, sounds awesome. Wish I coulda been there :/
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor Bob.
That really happenend?
Submitted by dirtygook (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
CHING CHONG POLLYWONG!
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:21:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The story stands on it's own without being about Ubercon, so it gets a +2.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I missed that whole thing.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:08:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Give me a fucking break, Eric.
---
I'll give you break.
No matter what the funk you fake.
I will pinch a piping hot -2
- on everything you do.
Hey that ryhmed
- the studly one chimed.
Your name is AyeJay.
Good name for a Bay-Bay.
You give yourself a plus two
But you love a sound called moo.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:14:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:08:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Give me a fucking break, Eric.
I'm surprised you didn't show up.
You could've used your pimping Internet skills to try and get laid.
Ubersite is your life after all.
______________________________________
ha ha.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
poor bob's mom.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Give me a fucking break, Eric.
I'm surprised you didn't show up.
You could've used your pimping Internet skills to try and get laid.
Ubersite is your life after all.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
1. From now on, all ubercon posts get a -2. It's like I make some random shit about Ubercon, and everyone will +2 it.
2. You're the leader of the "don't read it before rating it" campaign, so shut the fuck up.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I had fucking been there to see that.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, then the bob you speak of is chris, but the username is bob?
I'm so confused.
GO UBERCON NIAGRA FALLS '05 WOO!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-10 12:58:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes. All true.
Bob = Bob.
His real name is Chris, so his mom was a little freaked that we were all calling him Bob.
Altogether, 21 Uberusers showed up at some point.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-08-10 12:58:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i can only imagine. sux to be Bob all left out after the trip.
Submitted by ToxicNarcotic (user info) at 2004-08-10 12:57:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love you aj +2s for life
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-10 12:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this a true story? Did you seriously tell some kid that you were going to rail his mom, and she heard you?
BTW, who is bob (username), and how many uberusers were there?
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-10 12:56:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate you all because I missed this part.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-10 12:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bob, you're gonna be taking shit for that forever.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-08-10 12:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-10 12:55:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"AJ, YOU'RE HUGE!"
+2. I can't wait till the picture of you and Jeremy gets developed!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-10 12:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fetish, you didn't even read it, you cunt.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-08-10 12:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-10 12:48:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-10 12:48:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
UBERCON!!!