The Magic Narcoleptic Jellybean Party--hope for America! (786 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.67 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mentor (View user info) at 2004-08-10 13:30:43 EDT
THE POLITICAL MANIFESTO OF THE NATIONAL MAGIC NARCOLEPTIC JELLYBEAN PARTY
There is one course of human nature, and it is that humanity is fickle and undecided whe it comes to their own fate. To this end, we have recognized the fundamental flaw of human politics, and it is this: there are too many decision-makers and not enough decisions. It is this that the National Magic Narcoleptic Jellybean Party seeks to remedy. Should I be elected president of the United States of America now, or in any future election, whether I am alive to accept it or it is thrust upon me posthumously, I shall retract all campaign promises and make all the decisions on my own.
Behold the power of listerine:
1. No new taxes shall be made. No taxes shall be repealed. Taxes are hard to figure out. We'll leave them as they are.
2. No new laws shall be made. No laws shall be repealed. Again, laws are difficult and there's too many of them. So they'll just stay how they are.
3. All people who have an opinion that is not of the opinion of everybody else will be kindly asked to write it down and submit it for review.
4. The Judicial system will be completely redone so that only free-thinking raccoons of varied opinions shall serve as judge, lawyers, and jury. The executioner will be that most hideous of creatures, a clown.
5. All enemies of the United States shall be committed against their will. These enemies shall include, but not be limited to: terrorists, mobsters, Canadians, circus clowns, and England (the country, not the people).
6. The American Democratic Party shall be abolished in favor of an old pair of shoes. The same shall hold true for the American Republican Party, except they shall be abolished in favor of a broken "Magic-8 Ball".
7. The United States shall declare itself Communist, but shall practice an economic form of free-market, domestic terrorism.
8. Any who disagree with El Presidente shall be dipped in lukewarm chocolate and rolled around in a giant bowl of sugar. They shall then be released among a heard of wild, hungry, savage toddlers who've been pepped up with coffee.
9. A forty-foot high wall shall be built to encompass the entire nation of France. There shall be no gates, and Germans shall patrol the wall at all times. Any and all Frenchmen who escape shall be sent to an American public school (see my uber post on those) for "re-education".
10. Anythign else shall be made up as we go along. This policy shall be known as "winging-it".
Thus is the will of Myself and the National Magic Narcoleptic Jellybean Party.
!!OBEY!!
User Reviews
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-08-10 21:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in, but I might be too lazy to vote.
Submitted by heater (user info) at 2004-08-10 14:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heat
Submitted by matchstickman (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oops, forgot to rate...oh well...this will balance it to a 1 wont it?
Submitted by matchstickman (user info) at 2004-08-10 13:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ill support your campaign