Your friend Jewtoast has returned (1394 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.49 on 67 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jewtoast (View user info) at 2004-08-11 01:05:49 EDT
Yes, it is true, I have decided to grace you lackwits with my presence once again.
The not-as-rich-as-me owner of this website, Bart, decided to ban me a while back for some unknown reason.
I honestly think he was incredibly jealous of my ravishing good looks, and neverending supply of poon, money, and my monkey butler, Monkeytoast.
But I digress. In the last 2 months or so, I have been incredibly busy. I have gone on a spending spree, and I never even spent a dime. Let me explain, for you pathetically poor bastards.
I have a bank account with 120 bajillion dollars in it. Every month, that account accrues interest.
That interest is free money.
I just bought Sri Lanka, and I never even spent a penny.
My first gleeful task in this pathetic country was to put all the sacred cows to slaughter. The filthy animals were roaming the streets unattended, and no one was doing a damned thing about it.
Now, thanks to me, these people have cleaner streets and enough hamburgers to last them a lifetime.
I also built an entire house made out of leather in their capital. Waste not, want not.
I also bought Canada, and have kicked everyone out. I think I shipped them all off to Greenland or some shit. I couldn't tell you, monkeytoast made all the arrangements.
Good riddance. I just pwned Canada.
What are they going to do aboot it?
Nothing.
Anyway, I have renamed Canada to Club Jewtoast, and am turning it into one giant night club. The admission will be free to any and all hot poon bitches. Guys will have to leave their peeners at the door.
I have also signed a deal with Nike to endorse their products. I am wearing Nike sneakers, as you can see in my picture below. They paid me eleventy seven billion dollars, and all I have to do is wear these neon purple sneakers. What a bunch of goobers.
Well, that's all you're getting for now. I know you have all been going through Jewtoast withdrawal, so I leave you with a picture of me that Monkeytoast just took as undeniable proof that this is really me, and not some impostor. It is dated and timestamped for authenticity.
Yes, I know it says 11:54 PM. I know it is daylight out.
I just bought the sun with some chump change Monkeytoast found in the couch.
God, I love being a rich and powerful lawyer (and sexy). You could only dream of being me.
User Reviews
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-19 17:26:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jewtoast!
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-12 21:43:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank god.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-08-12 21:26:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah yes, my friend Jewtoast.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-11 21:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahahahaha
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-11 21:09:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jewtoast saved my marriage
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-11 20:52:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck with Jewtoast and you fucked with me. and you don't want to fuck with me, got it? if you don't know, ASK SOMEBODY. hidden101 is one hardass motherfucker.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/33830
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2004-08-11 20:37:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome back. By the by, do you have any spare bajiner lying around that you aren't using? If so, please leave it on the corner of Elm and 5th tomorrow morning.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-08-11 20:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When there's a crime
It's JewToast Time!
Submitted by heater (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:51:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heat boost!
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyway, I have renamed Canada to Club Jewtoast, and am turning it into one giant night club. The admission will be free to any and all hot poon bitches. Guys will have to leave their peeners at the door.
---------------------------------------------
I think this might be AJ.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice to see jewtoast back
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-11 09:55:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-11 09:49:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jewtoast makes my hoohoodilly tingle.
that's right baby, it's MUNKEYTOAST!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-08-11 09:48:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if you are the real jewtoast then what happened to all your original id?
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-08-11 09:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-08-11 09:34:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-08-11 09:16:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For:
"Good riddance. I just pwned Canada.
What are they going to do aboot it?"
-hee, hee, "aboot," hee.
also for:
"lawyerous fury"
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-11 08:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO JEWTOAST WOO!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-11 08:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-11 08:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay!
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-11 08:42:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I borrow your sun?
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-08-11 07:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jewtoast for President!!!
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-08-11 06:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Since you're so much richer than I could ever hope to be, then you'd have no problem being my lawyer free of charge?
...Seriously, 2 counts of first-degree murder is a tough rap to beat.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-08-11 06:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by JewToast. (user info) at 2004-08-11 06:21:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Munkeytoast, your work pleases me. Feel free to purchase as many munkey bitches as your little heart desires.
Submitted by Munkeytoast (user info) at 2004-08-11 06:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shadowdragon I shall flail the flesh from your bones you pontificating wretch.
Oh yes. Ooh ooh, ah ah.
Submitted by Munkeytoast (user info) at 2004-08-11 06:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Right then. I shall ready the stun guns.
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-08-11 06:05:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Pffffffft.
Submitted by JewToast. (user info) at 2004-08-11 06:05:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Please do. They are beginning to grate on my gold plated nerves.
And throw Shadowdragon down the bottomless pit.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-08-11 06:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shadowdragon makes me ashamed to be human.
Submitted by Munkeytoast (user info) at 2004-08-11 06:00:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Should I dispose of these curs for you sir?
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-08-11 05:58:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jewtoast is my nigga.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-08-11 03:25:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet, I'm back.
Submitted by shadowdragon (user info) at 2004-08-11 03:12:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"WAAA WAAA THIS IS NOT A LIVE JOURNAL, THIS IS NOT A BLOG BLAH BLAH BLAH
Shut the fuck up, you pathetic bottom feeding shitstain.
Honestly.
No one likes you.
"
Oh man. That hurt. How can I possibly comeback after THAT? You know what? I don't think I can. Nope. I got nothing. I can't think of anything I could say to you now. I guess I'll have to go and sit in the corner and cry until...until.......
Wait...nope. Don't give a shit.
I didn't come here to be liked. Unlike some idiots, I keep my friends and Ubersite seperate so that they don't come and overpopulate and fuck it up like it has been.
I'll tell any dumbass, most of whom will come here via maddox's site, that this isn't a stupid fucking message board until they stop treating it like one.
No I don't say it like that in all caps anymore because I got bored of that after about the 20th time. Look it up.
It's fine with me if anyone else, even everyone else, finds this entertaining. But that won't make me like it.
You make me ashamed to be a Jew.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oy vey
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*high five*
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Jewtoast! Any pics of you on vacation?
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good shit! Today I chilled with Prince William, he's having difficulty convincing some British chicks to take his cock in their ass!
Idiot. This is the last time I'll ever review ur shit, at least I'm not fake.
Submitted by JewToast. (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe you have me pegged at $24.57?
I make ten times that amount in less time than it takes you to blink.
Peon.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
$24.57 will buy me some good sushi.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:06:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How about all your money?
Submitted by JewToast. (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very well then. I shall have to purchase your friendship. How does the Gulf of Mexico sound?
Refusal of these terms shall result in endless lawsuits and/or throwing tomatos at your house.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
And THIS is a hate crime against a wealthy Jew!
K I'm done.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is assault...
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
THIS is harassment, then. Constant -2's!
Submitted by JewToast. (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:01:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is digital blasphemy and slander, and I will not stand for it, koolandthegang. I will have the subpoena delivered to your house first thing in the AM.
Prepare for lawyerous fury.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JewToast. (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:49:42 (#)
Ranking: -2
You know, you're right, KoolMang. This is a pure piece of shit, and I can't wait until Bart bans me again. I only have $24.57, that's all I have, and it's in a youth account. Go figure.
*****************
Jewtoast, I'm proud of ya. One step in the proper direction!
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:55:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JewToast. (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:31:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Koolmang, I wont even dignify that with a response.
It's ok if you're jealous. I understand. You see, I was having a conversation with Hugh Heffner today, and I asked him how he's dealt with it. He sometimes gets upset that people envy him so much, but then he sticks his dick in a hot blonde, and all is right with the world.
I do the same, but I stuff her mouth with hundred dollar bills so she doesn't say much.
That way, everyone's happy.
***********
What a hypocrite!
You said you wouldn't dignify it with a response!
I SMELL PURJORY OF THE COURTROOM!
Submitted by JewToast. (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadowdragon (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:39:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
Welcome back. Now who wants to start betting on when he will be rebanned?
I call November 24.
------------------
WAAA WAAA THIS IS NOT A LIVE JOURNAL, THIS IS NOT A BLOG BLAH BLAH BLAH
Shut the fuck up, you pathetic bottom feeding shitstain.
Honestly.
No one likes you.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:42:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JewToast. (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:21:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
stand up and look downwards towards the bottom of the screen. You'll see them
---------------
dammit.
alright, you fooled me. you win this round, mr. toastmanjew.
Submitted by Detective Smitch at 2004-08-11 01:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have an idea as to your TRUE identity Jewtoast. But you still kick ass.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JewToast. (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:21:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
stand up and look downwards towards the bottom of the screen. You'll see them.
______________________
Priceless.
Submitted by shadowdragon (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Welcome back. Now who wants to start betting on when he will be rebanned?
I call November 24.
Submitted by DancingHobo (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:33:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 causen im durnk
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for MonkeyToast being the thug he is.
Submitted by JewToast. (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Koolmang, I wont even dignify that with a response.
It's ok if you're jealous. I understand. You see, I was having a conversation with Hugh Heffner today, and I asked him how he's dealt with it. He sometimes gets upset that people envy him so much, but then he sticks his dick in a hot blonde, and all is right with the world.
I do the same, but I stuff her mouth with hundred dollar bills so she doesn't say much.
That way, everyone's happy.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you, Jewtoast!
If you ever need any organs, feel free to harvest them from me.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:29:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
JEWTOAST!
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jewtoast is teh shiznit.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I was going to just ignore this after discovering it was true, but since I've already given it a hit, I might as well piss you off and you can threaten to sue me, with your shenanigans power.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Guys have to leave their peeners at the door? Can they leave their egos there, too?
I mean, there's no room for extra ego when Jewtoast is involved.
Submitted by JewToast. (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:21:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stand up and look downwards towards the bottom of the screen. You'll see them.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fag
Submitted by Omnivexed (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:21:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Dude, you talk about these awesome sneakers that I got all excited about seeing and then
your picture doesn't even show them. Bad form.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't see your sneakers...
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-11 01:12:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome back, buddy!
And thank you for helping me with my case earlier.
Who would've known that just the fact that her eyes were closed is grounds enough to get the case dismissed against that old black hag that I ran over's family.