The FBI is on to us (1009 hits)
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Rating: 1.57 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2004-08-11 10:38:56 EDT
We sat around the table, drinking beers. It was going to be a good night. Bass Ale on special, very sweet waitress, good friends, great conversations.
Then they showed up with the white guy.
Light skin at an arab table... I thought I was the only one?
Everyone shifted a bit to give room for the three new arrivals. Leena and I whispered some things about the new stranger.
"Who is that?"
"He looks old."
"He's hot for his age."
"He is hot."
The stranger spoke up, "Hi, I'm Tim," He began. He never stopped talking. And listening.
Lets go around the table, shall we...? There is Nour, he's from Palestine. His eyes are beautiful, dark, shining, sympathetic, he's handsome, charming, and charismatic. Imad sits to his left. He's 21, but balding. Very skinny, very shy, very new to the U.S. Next to him sit two boys that I don't know. They are the token Blarabs. (I made that up, bitches). They have tons of bling hanging around their necks, sagging pants, sports jerseys, and they are smoking Black N' Milds.
Of course, Leena and I are there. Leena is a beautiful Lebanese girl, she is one of "those people" who you can never forget. She's funny, intelligent, open minded, and... well, she's my best friend, and I could never run out of adjectives to describe her.
Oz sits next to leena. He's a Turkish born guy, but by his lack of accent, I know he's been here for a long time. The white guy slid in next to Oz. The guys that brought the white guy were telling Nour (in arabic) that they didn't know him, he just started talking to them at the coffee shop, and he wouldn't leave.
He was a Fed.
Reasons I believe he was a Fed.
1. He said his name was Tim, but later I heard him introduce himself as Matt.
2. He was in very good shape for his age.
3. Whenever he was asked a question, he looked a little to his left before he answered.
4. He said he was a photographer, and when I asked him what kind of cameras he used, he said, "Uh... Four Nikons, two Canons, and a Mialta". I said, "All 35?", he said yes. Now, why would someone have 7 35's?
5. He wasn't drinking, but he encouraged everyone else to drink.
6. He didn't pay Leena and I any attention until we started joking about accents. We were saying the word, "Bomboara" very loud, talking about a Palestinian reporter who couldn't pronounce the word "Bombers". Tim/Matt stopped talking and looked at us, when we returned the look, he quickly turned to Oz, "so... what you were saying...?"
7. He seemed to know everything. You know the type... "I read one time..." and "When I was in Mexico...", but whenever something came up about the Middle East, he feigned ignorance. "Oh, tell me about that?"
Besides all of that- it boils down to the fact that something was odd about the guy. Granted, we meet a lot of odd people... but this guy- something was odd about the way he carried himself, the way he reacted to us, the stories he told, the answers he gave.
I took a top secret sneaky picture of the dude, too!
User Reviews
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-11 21:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just be cool And hide the package I sent you in the toilet or something. Some-one will be around to get it shortly.
He will introduce himself to you as Ben Gurion.
Hehehehehehe Nothing like a good conspiracy and I am sure from what you say he was most likely a Fed.
When I was looking for information on the Columbia riots recently one interesting thing came up. There was an 'radical activist' amongst the students who was always trying to encourage them to blow something up or something.
After the riots it turned out he was a mole. This is the sort of thing you read about in fiction and it is kinda freaky when evidence coems up to show it actually happens in real life as well.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 16:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The sad thing is the entire time this was going on, I kept thinking, "Oh god this will be such a good story for uber... I have to get a fucking picture".
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-08-11 16:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kill the fucker and dump his body at the front door of the pentagon.
Love,
Bargled
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-11 16:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NNims (user info) at 2004-08-11 15:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
please elxplain to me how Nour is from Palestine? There hasn't beaan a Palestine in over 50 years! The country is now called Israel so is Nour from Israel or is he a Palestinian because those are two compleatly differant things!
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-08-11 15:36:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some dude just jumped up in your crew?
Good thing I wasn't there. I'd have looked at the dude nobody knew and told him to smoke on my pole.
I would have been drunk... right?
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-08-11 15:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Trippy
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-08-11 13:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for conspiracy theory.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-11 13:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You should have smiled, leaned over to him, and asked him if he was interested in some illegal weapons.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-11 12:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Leena at 2004-08-11 11:52:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
Get her wet at your own risk.
Corinne I know you're going to interject here but stay out of this, grown folks are talking.
Alah as I was saying, she is like a walking orgasm when it comes to men in uniforms, guys in jail, mimes.. You might not be able to handle her.. Trust me..
If I can handle a 72 ton, turreted, panzer with 120 mm smooth bore cannon, being powered by a 1500 hp jet engine (well, basically), then I can handle any woman.
I got a post coming about how to get a tank through a depression with water on the bottom, along with a short story about how I came about 3 inches away from drowning.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-08-11 12:15:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Should have laid the smack down on him... If he whipped your ass in less than 10 seconds he's got combat training, and I don't mean a martial art.
Plus, you can get off saying you were drunk and you thought he said your mom sucked bart for +2's or something.
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2004-08-11 12:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for DANGER!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know... this probably WILL be monitored, eh? The FBI probably has a google thing, they type in:
"arab"
"cock n' balls" (only when they are bored, totally unrelated to federal investigations, though)
"bombara"
"bush sucks"
____
Uber, we are fucked.
******************************************
Leena, oh please, continue. I will not inturrupt.
Submitted by oxanar (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah he's a Fed. But if you aren't doing anything wrong and don't associate with anyone that would do anything wrong then just let it be. Make a friend. Get on his good side.
Submitted by Cryopaul (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Special Agent Tim McGraw <t.mcgraw.at.fbi.gov> at 2004-08-11 11:52:01 (#)
Ranking: -2
This is a warning to cease and desist this activity at once. If you do not comply we will have to take immediate action. This will include the shutting down of this website, (which we have been monitoring for some time as the largest distributor of anti-American propaganda in the world), as well as the immediate arrest of all of it's contributors for engaging in terrorist activities.
Special Agent Tim McGraw
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Oh yeah...well..country music sucks and so do you...
I know, that was weak.
Submitted by Leena at 2004-08-11 11:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Get her wet at your own risk.
Corinne I know you're going to interject here but stay out of this, grown folks are talking.
Alah as I was saying, she is like a walking orgasm when it comes to men in uniforms, guys in jail, mimes.. You might not be able to handle her.. Trust me..
Submitted by Special Agent Tim McGraw <t.mcgraw.at.fbi.gov> at 2004-08-11 11:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is a warning to cease and desist this activity at once. If you do not comply we will have to take immediate action. This will include the shutting down of this website, (which we have been monitoring for some time as the largest distributor of anti-American propaganda in the world), as well as the immediate arrest of all of it's contributors for engaging in terrorist activities.
Special Agent Tim McGraw
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Leena at 2004-08-11 11:38:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Alah, I suggest you don't tell her a thing. Corinne tends to get too wet over these sorts of things.
_____________________________________
So you're trying to tell me NOT to tell a story that is gonna get a chick all hot and bothered?
You're kidding, right?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They came after 911, when they were interviewing all the arabs in Michigan. They stayed for about half an hour, checking passports, peeping out our apartment.
Oh, I'm going to post about the jet I saw on 9-12. Remind me.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:42:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
eat him
Submitted by Leena at 2004-08-11 11:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Alah, I suggest you don't tell her a thing. Corinne tends to get too wet over these sorts of things.
Corinne, I had to tell him.. When did the Feds come to your house? How long ago was that? I remember you telling me.
oh and side note.. doesn't nour look like Gilligan a little?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:37:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Cryopaul (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:27:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
That is some scary and freaky shit. Was he packing?
***
I don't know, I was too shy to frisk him.
uh.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:36:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Leena is a beautiful Lebanese girl."
Right there you lost any bit of credibility you might've had.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alah- god I'm so jealous. Seriously, I have this facination with institutions. I love hearing about prision, the military, asylums... anything like that. I'm not sure why. It's very odd. I think I'm going to come be friends with you, just so I can do some of the cool things you do, and listen to some of the cool stories you hear.
Tell me some stories!
Leena- I swear, he DOES look like the FBI guy that came to my house after 911. He SO does.
Submitted by Cryopaul (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is some scary and freaky shit. Was he packing?
Submitted by Leener Peener at 2004-08-11 11:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Corinne,
You of all people should have that little snazzy database thingy where you can upload the picture you took of him and then all these other pictures will flash by trying to match his THEN we find a match. Another window pops up and it gives all the information we need. Damn Alias.
Do it
Do it.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alah- Why do you know all these feds and such? Do you know any hot, single feds? I have a thing for a man in uniform, or a man in power, or a man in the military, or the police force, or in jail.
What a coincidence!
I was in the military, I've been in jail, I wanted to be a cop, and I have a ton of power! It's also a coincidence that I have a thing for women! We were meant for each other! And if things don't work out, you could always hook me up with Leena... I'm sure I can form some sort of twisted set of lies so we have a lot in common too.
When I was in the military, I met a lot of guys who were going on to become feds. Some of them did, some didn't.
I worked with a guy who wanted to become FBI, and when he finally did, he drew a western NY office. He comes up and goes fishing around here, so when he does we get together.
The CIA spooks I met through the owner of a local pizza joint, who was a former spook. He has parties, and invites me and my buddy over because we handle the stereo equipment for his house. So we sit around and they tell stories. Fun stuff. Nothing confidential or anything, but just stories about dumbshit they ran across.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:26:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My name is Garth...
Garth Brooks.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:24:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, the part I forgot.
He said his last name was McGraw.
Tim McGraw.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, if this happened to me I'd be so pissed that I'd strap a bomb to my midsection and blow-up FBI headquarters.
Kidding! I'm kidding! Please, it's just a joke! Don't arrest me. Please. I love the FBI, you guys are doing a great job. GO FBI WOO!
Seriously, please don't arrest me.
Submitted by Leena at 2004-08-11 11:15:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Of course he was! I kept telling you that last night.. Oh Corinne you forgetful bitch you.. Who was that big arab guy that came.. He looked like a cross between a fat ass Lurch and my dick.. He said Hi to the guy and immediatly I started talking to Nour and he was looking at my lips mouthing shit.. I KNOW IT HAPPENED (did i spell that right?) I know it did.. Please oh please white people you must believe me.
Submitted by Agent_Smith (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:12:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You've made a powerful enemy.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:11:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The best our shifty MI5 guys can do in Britain is leave their briefcases behind in bars...fucking idoyts.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:11:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Leena, he was doing that?
No he wasn't. You're full of it.
Submitted by Leena at 2004-08-11 11:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot to add that when I was talking to Nour in Arabic he was mouthing the words I was saying to himself.. If you do not speak Arabic how the hell can you mouth the words to yourself? AND AND uh..I got nothing, I was a little intoxicated last night so I can't remember all the sneaky stuff he was doing, but god damn that man was FBI.
Stupid hot FBI guy.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:07:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1.21gw... um? What? "No offence"? We weren't REALLY going to talk about our terrorist plans. We save that for Wednesdays.
Alah- Why do you know all these feds and such? Do you know any hot, single feds? I have a thing for a man in uniform, or a man in power, or a man in the military, or the police force, or in jail.
Donkey- What do you expect. Longhaired hippy types ALWAYS arouse suspicion!
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:01:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was watching some documentary about FBI, and they had this black light which they were flashing on a laptop, what the hell is that for?
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope he foiled your plans to kill people.
No offense.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-08-11 10:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pesky FBI. Always looking for something on me. <shifty eyes>
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-08-11 10:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have shot him and made an example out of him.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-11 10:53:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know many feds.
I know a few former CIA guys.
They DO do this.
Chances are, the guy that was there, was most likely a Fed.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-11 10:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-11 10:47:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA!
You just blew his cover.
Now he's going to get tied up in some guy named Maynard's basement and sodomized by The Gimp.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-11 10:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow, must be cool to live in a police state
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-08-11 10:47:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He's a spook or Hunter S. Thompson. Of course if he is
in good shape for his age...it can't be Hunter S.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-11 10:40:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Boogity boogity!