I was molested by a nun (ever so slightly NSFW?) (1254 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.12 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Degreeless SUPERQUEEN (View user info) at 2004-08-11 14:40:11 EDT
Back when I was about 9, I was reluctantly enrolled in summer school. There were about 15-20 kids in my class, all of them girls. In my church, the girls were taught by a nun and the boys were taught in a seperate class by a pastor. My nun's name was Ashley. She was nice for the most part, and at the time I would've guessed she was the same age as my mom. She was pretty and had blonde hair that extended to her shoulders, although she either cut her bangs or hed them beneath her nun hat.
It was the beginning of spring when I went into Summer School one Sunday and sat down for class. I was early, as usual, because my mom had to drop me off before she left for work. As the rest of the students filed in, Sister Ashley came in with her Bible held against her chest as always. She smiled at us and set her Bible down on the desk. That day, we were, ironically enough, learning about the evils of sexual immorality, of course taught to us in delicate terms. I don't think many parents would appreciate if their kids came home one day and said to them,
"Daddy, do you have sex with animals? If so, you have to be hanged. Sorry, daddy."
After class was over, I was about to wait outside for my mother who would always stop by half an hour after class was over. Sometimes she took an hour if she had to work late. The rest of the class had left already, and I was about to leave the room when Sister Ashley put her hand on my shoulder.
"Come, my child. I wish to show you something."
In my naivity, I nodded giddily and followed her. She led me into the boiler room, which I was excited about because I had always wondered what was in this room. She shut the door and turned on the lights and led me to the center of the room. She took off her hat, revealing even more hair that just flowed down her body like a waterfall. She told me to turn around and when I asked why she just told me, "You'll see." As I felt my shirt come off, she asked me in a friendly tone,
"Can you, just for today, call me Queen Ashley?"
I nodded and gulped, not knowing what was going to happen next.
"Can you say my name?"
"Yes Sis--I mean Queen Ashley,"
"You're just the cutest little thing I've ever seen."
I won't go into details after that, but I never went to Sunday School again. When my mom asked me why, I told her I didn't like Sister Ashley. It wasn't until 12 that I realized what she'd done to me and I told me mother. We tried searching for her, and after a few months, we got word that she'd moved to the Florida region. Living in Wisconsin, and not knowing her full name, we decided that we didn't have much of a chance finding her. Nobody else who attended Sunday School had my experience and the ministry didn't have her full name. In fact, she just left the church a year back without saying anything. I still have hope in my heart that Queen Ashley will be found out and her true self will show once again. This time, I'll be waiting.
User Reviews
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-08-23 14:32:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
... I'm not catholic.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-08-20 18:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for content
-1 for not making a killer story out of it...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-20 18:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-08-12 14:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Way to get molested, you skanky 9 year old
GO BEARS WOO!!!!
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-08-12 04:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by heater (user info) at 2004-08-11 20:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BAM!!! How hot is that shit! Heat it up!
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2004-08-11 19:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you get a +1. barely. I mean, really, with material like that you should have written a scorching tell-all expose that would have us all rolling in the pews. instead you did this sick little spoogy thing.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-08-11 19:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've seen the picture many times before.
But Jesus Christ...
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-08-11 18:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmmm
Submitted by heater (user info) at 2004-08-11 16:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OOOh, hoo, hoo! Nunnish Heat! Yes!!!
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-08-11 15:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
aye, to be a semi-non-practicing Catholic, what a headache...
Submitted by Cryopaul (user info) at 2004-08-11 15:13:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
NSFW=Not Safe for Work
This post could've been hot.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-11 15:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't the US Bombs do a song by that name?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-11 15:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have yelled STRANGER DANGER!
Submitted by jojojojoan (user info) at 2004-08-11 15:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Im new to this uber stuff, and I know you all will think Im about as smart as a pile of bricks for asking this, what does nsfw mean?
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-08-11 15:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty funny.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-11 15:05:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I probably would do the same thing to you. But I'd do it NOW.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-08-11 14:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty damn funny...but unfortunately you've limited your hits due to the NSFW lable.
Submitted by AntiPastaChrist (user info) at 2004-08-11 14:53:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd love to fuck a nun in the mouth, just not the nun in this picture.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-08-11 14:46:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-11 14:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post. You might actually get that high positive rating :P
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-11 14:42:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed my ass off at this.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-11 14:41:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I rated this +2 because QueenAshlee is the queen of the ants!
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-11 14:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/17903