a moral quandry (633 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap
Rating: 0.61 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2004-08-11 18:14:17 EDT
First of all, yes, this is the second post today for me.
I've actually written 5 posts today. I'm on a fucking creative BINGE and I'll be damned if some silly uber-rules keep me from posting.
With that said:
I present A Moral Quandry
Bye La Nuggetta
buzz
Who the hell? Nobody uses my front door.
I push the talk button, "Who is it?"
I push the listen button, I hear a guy say something, I can't tell what it is... I open my door to peer outside. Two guys are standing at the building door, they wave through the glass, big smiles, they motion for me to come see them.
"Who is that?" I wonder. They are cute... but definatly strangers. As I walk to the door I try to figure who it is and what they might want. They probably buzzed the wrong apartment. I open the door and lean out.
"Hi, how are you?" He has carmel skin, and light green eyes. He's average height, nice build, hot voice.
I flash a smile, and then remember I just ate Garlic Bread. Damn.
I wait for them to explain who they are and what they want. "Hey, can you help us out?" he asks.
Oh fuck, they are selling something. No hot boys ever come to my house uninvited! "Oh, you guys are selling magazines!" I roll my eyes and smile again... trying to be flirty, even now.
"Oh no!" he scoffs, "We're in a contest, we just need your help!"
"Yeah, a contest to see who can sell the most magazines, and the winner gets a trip to Cancun- so 'can you please help us out... just pick one, it won't cost you anything... and if we win, we get to go on a vacation!'" I'm hip to the script. I've lived long enough to know this scam by now.
"Oh no!" He points at his friend. His friend is a buff white guy with Old English tattoos on both of his forearms. "He just wants to do your dishes!"
Well, that was unexpected. I laugh. I think of my garlic breath. My hair is a mess. "My dishes?"
"Yes, and cook and clean!" says the white guy. He has a trucker hat on.
"I cook and clean!" I lied. "Seriously, what do you guys want?"
"He'll even walk your dog!"
Waaaait. How does he know I have a dog?
I take a quick glance down at my shirt, looking for errant dog hair. None. Xander doesn't bark when the door buzzer goes off, because he doesn't know what it is.
The black guy pulls a card out of his back pocket. It has a list of magazine titles on it. He tries to hand it to me, and I laugh. "See! I'm so smart! I don't need a magazine, really." He turns it over and points to where it says "Trip to Cancun"
He gives me the sweetest look I've ever seen, "Please? Just pick one...". He throws out a coy glance for good measure.
I laugh, relieved that I was right (I love being right) and disapointed that they weren't just hot studs coming to see me. "I knew it!... Listen... you guys, good luck with all that, but I have no money, and no interest in magazines... but what I don't get is why two charismatic, charming guys like you are doing this? I'm sure you'll get far in life- you have the mojo to do it... but I'm seriously not going to get any magazines."
Oh, I think I struck a nerve. His face loses composure for just one second. He catches himself and puts his flirty grin back on, "this isn't our job... we're students!"
I say goodbye, and go in, closing the door behind me. I sit in my apartment, and wait to hear the neighbors buzzer through the thin walls.
No buzz. They didn't buzz anyone but me.
I sit down, read a JMG post, and get up to take my dog out.
The new neighbors across the courtyard see me come out, and stand in their doorway as they have every single time they've seen me since their move. I'm getting used to being watched by these fuckers.
Oh god, it's them.
I can't decide weather to lock my doors and pull my blinds shut, or walk around the house naked with the lights on.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-12 22:55:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I don't have my college ranking handy but I got through it and got to throw that stupid cap in the air, shitforbrains.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-12 18:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-12 08:56:19 (#)
Ranking: -2
# 2 in my class...out of 334 sweetie.
***
wow...
highschool.
The grades make the man, that's OBVIOUS.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-12 16:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go Nekkid. On a related note, are there any homes for sale in your neighborhood?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-12 15:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
definitely nekkid. i like putting on a show for my neighbors. they like it too.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-12 08:56:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
# 2 in my class...out of 334 sweetie.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-08-12 01:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nekkid
Submitted by coley <notloggedin> at 2004-08-12 00:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NOT LETTING YOUR POST DIE
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 22:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha Mike, I confused everyone with this post. I didn't realize it was them since I had only seen them at a distance before.
Die post Die! This is what I get for posting in a frenzy.
And Shlongy... I could give a shit if you criticize me... I just think you're a stupid fuck.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-11 22:43:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You lost me at the end there honey.
Btw, what would two gay guys want with you anyway.
Is this supposed to read that the two guys are actually your new neighbors across the courtyard? If it is, and you meant it that way, why didn't you recognize them. You mentioned that they've been checking you out since they moved in.
You obviously confuzzled me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-11 22:40:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'd most likely rather fuck myself than fuck your stinkbox, honey.
Way to accept criticism.
And this DOES indeed blow, toots.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-11 22:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nomally when two guys that you described come to my door they are Mormons.
Damn they can be annoying. I think I would prefer the FBI. At least it would give an aura of mystery and intrigue to the day.
MORMONS though; how prosaic is that?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-08-11 22:24:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can't decide weather to lock my doors and pull my blinds shut, or walk around the house naked with the lights on.
-------
Both, with the blinds half-open.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 22:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-08-11 22:10:26 (#)
Ranking: -1
Disappointing.
Not -2 because I think you had a different ending in mind, but changed it.
What was the original ending?
****
That's an interesting comment.
To let you into my mind... some days I'm very exciteable. My mind churns endlessly, my body moves constantly. Everything seems interesting to me, everything *makes sense*.
Today was one of those days.
I pounded this post out, hit submit, and sat back. I let out a deep breath...
ahhhh relief! I got it out...
I can't say I put any thought into this post at all. I just had to post it. I do that sometimes.
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-08-11 22:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Disappointing.
Not -2 because I think you had a different ending in mind, but changed it.
What was the original ending?
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-11 21:39:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quandary is though.
So the FBI has you under surveilance now as well.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-11 20:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
'Quandry' isn't a word.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2004-08-11 20:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
If you'd done your duty as a woman and dropped to your kneed and sucked them off on your doorstep, you might have gotten a 0.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-11 20:34:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This one was lacking.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-11 19:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kai's a chick?
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-08-11 19:42:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-11 18:33:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to have a very lesbian experience with you.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me you two too.
Let's have a lezbo Ubercon at my house.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 18:38:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hah oh god, uber, watch out.
I have pms.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-11 18:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to have a very lesbian experience with you.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-11 18:29:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i read then rate.
i do not read the ratings first.
might bias me.
and you got a +2 whiney arse.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-08-11 18:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Can you please explain what the fuck just happened?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 18:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy, fuck yourself.
Apollo... quit pointing out my stupid typos after I've already corrected myself... it's v. redundant! And yes, frenzied creation... that's more right than I want to admit. I think I may be entering mania.
;)
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-11 18:26:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bye??
i expect more from you than that.
creative frenzy?
more like frenzied creation.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-11 18:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is considered "a creative binge"?
Not where I live, sweetheart.
We call it, a "waste of time".
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-11 18:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wait... what?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-11 18:14:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OH GOD, "BYE LA NUGGETTA"?!!?
BYE?
holy shit I'm stupid.