Orgasms and what they mean to Me -or- My fifth grade school report (877 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.57 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (View user info) at 2004-08-12 00:48:47 EDT
Lately, perhaps out of sheer horniness or just plain fascination, I've been pondering sex. Now, too all the men who are reading thinking:
"So what? I think about sex with every waking moment, from the time I wake up till the time I sleep, in which I dream of hot threesomes with actresses and porno stars..."
Well, in this case, you are right. Naturally, like every man I think of sex probably every waking and sleeping moment. However, because of either the likely hood I am insane or stoned, and most definitely both, I uber, I have found the perfect analogy to sex, from a males view naturally.
(Work with me)
Surfing.
First, we start with the build up. The nervous/anxious moments before sex, when you realize what is about to entail, and the excitement and adventure the next 5 minutes, I mean hours of course, will hold.
This build up is a perfectly formed wave coming toward the surfer.
Second, foreplay has started. You massage her breasts, she fondles your love stick, and she makes the necessary movements toward her destination, mandatory oral before sex always.
The wave increases in size, and heads closer.
You enter inside her, and begin gyrating your hips and thinking of how you can't wait to watch sports center, how green your lawn looks, how fun the video game you could be playing is, http://www.ubersite.com/m/17812 (he does it better).
This is the surfer mounting the wave, which has reached maximum height and is approaching a crest, signaling the beginning of an orgasm.
You moan, she sighs, you sweat, she turns on the TV, the wave quivers as it nears its crash, and then, for one glorious moment that you try to hold onto for as long as possible, the wave peaks, your O face shows glorious, your wife falls asleep and everything seems frozen and then it all comes crashing down.
The surfer wipes out, the wave crashes, your girl feels asleep, and you blow your load.
So what am I really saying? Is the wave the example or the surfer? I wish even I knew, but remember, the next time you go to the beach and sit in your chair sighing and thinking of how perfect a day it is, look to the waves. As you look, think of sex, and think of your father and mother fucking hot and sweaty in the back of a station wagon on the night you were concieved.
Remember, and enjoy those summer vacations!
surfing.html (7 kB) [text/html]
User Reviews
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-08-25 13:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-08-12 11:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not the best thing I've read lately...but keep trying!
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-08-12 04:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BOW DOWN TO MY AWESOMENESS BITCH
Submitted by EvrenWasHere (user info) at 2004-08-12 02:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
blegfd.
Submitted by Master13 (user info) at 2004-08-12 01:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is stupid
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-08-12 01:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if Slypher left i would miss the minus 2's
so i would notice
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2004-08-12 01:03:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-08-12 01:02:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
Nice one, dumbfuck, leave now
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You could leave and no one would even notice you were gone.
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2004-08-12 01:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I only used it because I was trying to empasize how important oral is in sex.
Socalist_Joe- stop hitting on me.
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-08-12 01:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nice one, dumbfuck, leave now.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-08-12 01:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Eh.
Mandatory = a word that shouldn't be involved with sex.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-08-12 00:59:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you sounds like you need to get laid
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2004-08-12 00:50:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck pic doesnt work, I would repost and reformat, but it was just a random surfing pic.....