If Dolphins Are So Smart, Why Do They Keep Getting Caught In Tuna Nets? (1601 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.95 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (View user info) at 2004-08-12 12:56:22 EDT
Dolphins are a phenomena of nature. They are one of the smartest animals in the water, unless there's people swimming, then they get knocked down a peg. They have their own form of communication that is known throughout the human world as arabic, a complex language filled with rolling r's and y's in places they shouldn't be. They go on treasure hunts all the time, and it is rumored they have a city in the Indian Ocean made out of gold coins and the teeth of sharks. They also enjoy hiking.
Though dolphins sound like they are geniuses, they have a formiddable foe that won't take any dolphin smack. That foe is the tuna net.
Tuna nets were invented in 1700 B.C. when people realized that the meat from these fish could be used as a fossil fuel, oh consumption too I guess, I'm not crazy enough to eat a fish I hear that they haunt you until you die. Anyways man have used these nets of tuna for thousands of years, and dolphins being the crazy bastards they are always get caught in them.
To all the dolphins reading this I'd like to give you a helping hand. If you see your buddy struggling in the water and don't understand why, stay away. He's gone. Imagine that you're back in the Great Mediterranean War of 1674, gun in hand, men wounded all around. It's a battlefield between tuna and man, and you keep sticking your godamn bottled noses into it. Or better yet, call out to your friend to see what the problem is. Maybe it's just a cry for attention, maybe he's retarded, or maybe he has fallen prey to god and his evil tuna chicanery.
Ecco the Dolphin wouldn't fall for shit like this. Ecco would jump on the fishing boat and kill everyone on it with a sawed-off shotgun and then piss on their corpses. He was crazy like a fox, and smart as.....a fox. Actually this gives me an idea...
Ecco the Dolphin should run for president of the United Seas Of the Atlantic Ocean. He knows what danger is, and he could help stop all of this before it starts. He is against nets, and dolphin stupidity in general. Last time we talked he was thinking about mass genocide for all dolphins incapable of swimming faster than 25 mph or if they were unable to save small retarded children. That and Flipper has been in hot water as of late for sleeping around with Shamoo that fat bitch. Why did you leave me for him you whore why!!?!?!
O.k. so maybe I have personal reasons for seeing Flipper with a bullet in his blowhole but that shouldn't overshadow my message for dolphin equality. In the end I think that the dolphins need to grow up and quit bitching about this whole matter in the first place. Zieg Heil Ecco!
Oh! By the way I found that pic of my dog wasted. He told me to tell you he loves you guys and hopes to have more stories soon!
User Reviews
Submitted by boredgurl210 (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:50:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They have to be smart since they are the only other thing on Earth besides humans that fuck for pleasure.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
would you hump ecco's blowhole?
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-09-19 18:03:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
heh... fucking happy dolphins
Submitted by G_Nonny (user info) at 2004-08-12 20:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for you.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-08-12 18:00:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-08-12 17:21:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Chief_Rugger (user info) at 2004-08-12 15:46:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
the only thing more random than this, is this: http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/?t=archives&date=2003-06-14
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Holy shit Chief, that is some random funny shit.
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2004-08-12 16:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahaha you are awesome
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-12 15:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<in her best dr evil voice>
riiight... riiiight
Submitted by Chief_Rugger (user info) at 2004-08-12 15:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the only thing more random than this, is this: http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/?t=archives&date=2003-06-14
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-08-12 15:13:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-08-12 14:03:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
There is just too much good here to mention. Including your description of the Ecco game in your replies.
Nice dog. He looks like he needs a Camel and some pringles.
-----
Mmmmm... Pringles.
Submitted by Manchurian President at 2004-08-12 14:45:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard Shamoo is selling her body for 150 bucks a pop.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-08-12 14:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think wazz has come up with an all new insanely annoying internet term! Congrats buddy!
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-08-12 14:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamned hilarious.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-08-12 14:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Har-Pooner!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-12 14:17:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOWZA this was hilarious. Keep up the good work.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-08-12 14:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gold, pure gold.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-08-12 14:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is just too much good here to mention. Including your description of the Ecco game in your replies.
Nice dog. He looks like he needs a Camel and some pringles.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-08-12 13:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't help it if your posts kick ass heater.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-08-12 13:37:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by heater (user info) at 2004-08-12 13:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, you are getting to be a Heat whore...
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-08-12 13:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
man that dog is FUCKED!
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-08-12 13:07:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dammit mairoranroar don't piss in my pool and I won't piss in yours. Go get Method to drop you on your head. You have officially ruined my life :)
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-12 13:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Ecco alone. That game kicked so much ass in my 7 or 8 year old hands.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-08-12 13:04:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And for those that wouldn't know Ecco the Dolphin was a game originally on the Sega Genesis that would steal your soul then make you pay 100 bucks to get it back.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-08-12 13:04:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"They are one of the smartest animals in the water, unless there's people swimming, then they get knocked down a peg"
Actually, dolphins have larger brains and deeper contusions in their brains than humans do. This suggests that they are indeed smarter than humans. But how we train them to jump through hoops and the like is still a mystery to me.
Maybe they're aquatic retards!
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-08-12 13:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did I mention I'm just a tad nuts?