We're having a Baby, for Christ's sake! (NSFW) (SPT) (833 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.4 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (View user info) at 2004-08-12 23:26:04 EDT
I don't recommend having a child. For one thing, the wild sex life that I had gotten used to (I'm 32, and we've been married for 10 years), dried up (literally) about six months ago. We would just walk around the house buck naked and have sex sometimes as often as three times a day (no shit).
Now I look back and realize that the decision "we" made to stop taking birth control pills (the doctor said that studies show taking the pill for longer than 10 years can have some pretty major side effects) has completely turned my life upside down.
I want to buy Doom 3.
We're having a Baby, for Christ's sake!
I want to go and get drunk with friends.
We're having a Baby, for Christ's sake!
I want head, and sex, and violent ass raping orgies (preferably her ass, but I'm willing at this point).
We're having a Baby, for Christ's sake!
Today, I noticed that my next door neighbor was eyeballing my wife when I brought her home from the local maternity store (she's at 37 weeks, and nothing fits anymore). I don't understand. He has two kids and has been quick to offer up all kinds of advice about where to get child care, what kind of diapers to buy, etc. Plus he's always been pretty cool.
Then it dawned on me.
He has a pregnant chick fetish.
Now, I consider myself pretty open minded, but I DO NOT understand pregnancy fetishists. Once you get past the appearance difference (PETA has asked me to keep my wife's skin moist so we can roll her back into the ocean), she smells different, acts different, and tastes different. Yes, I like to dive into the muff, always have, always will. But it just doesn't taste good at all now. Plus like most guys, I have this mental image of my son reaching down and grabbing my tongue, at least I think most guys have this mental image.
Shit, I forgot the point of this post. Oh yeah....
We're having a Baby, for Christ's sake!
Random Hot Chick
User Reviews
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-08-13 10:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When you fuck her & it starts to feel like a BJ - time to stop banging her, otherwise your kid will be born gay from sucking your dick. Either that or he'll have a dented up head, depending on the angle.
Pregnant pussy is NASTY. Stick to tittie jobs & BJs!
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-13 07:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I have this mental image of my son reaching down and grabbing my tongue, at least I think most guys have this mental image."
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Scary...
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-13 02:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 die for say ring wife is a ewhaLWQ IM DRUNK
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-08-13 01:30:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congratulations. Right now, the panic has probably been dawning for some time: "Me? A father?" I thought my wife might be pregnant last month, I know that's what I was thinking.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-08-13 01:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Christ, I have to poop!
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-08-13 00:08:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ask and ye shall receive.
Daking has left the building after pwning me.
Fuk yeah
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-13 00:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ok you fucking asked for it you insenstive piece of sewerage flotsam.
How dare you compare your pregnant wife to a whale!
You should be ashamed of yourself and I hope she pulls the covers over your head and gives you a dutch oven after drinking guiness and eating curry in retalliation!
Happy now?
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-08-12 23:58:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for all the +2s, but this really was meant to be a shit post. What husband in his right mind would compare his pregnant wife to a whale? I deserve at least one -2 for that.
Anyway, for all the PMs I'm getting, it is a Boy, due 9/4, and name tentatively is Jaden. No complications, Mom is puffy and happy.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-12 23:51:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congratulations. Don't worry, everything goes back to where it used to be after the baby comes out.
Haha! Wow, I almost believed myself when I said that.
But seriously, your child will be so beautiful and you will love him/her so much, that the changes in your wife's body will serve as a pleasant reminder of the gorgeous baby you created together.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-12 23:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Like Mike said : Some women are particularly georgeous when they are pregnant. A sort of mother earth bautiful thing happens.
However some of them are still ugly and pregnancy does not help. Infact not even the proverbial paper bag would.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-12 23:37:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your boys can swim. Congratulations.
There is something that happens to a woman when she gets pregnant. She becomes very self aware that she is not just another woman, but a being that can bring forth another life. This realization makes her more beautiful than she ever has been before.
I don't have a pregnant woman fetish, believe me. I just know that this happens to a woman. It's a beautiful thing.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-08-12 23:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-08-12 23:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congratulations on the transfer of your seed. The photograph you have chosen to post fills me with the desire to impregnate the young lady who is pictured in said photograph.
Submitted by ofMontreal (user info) at 2004-08-12 23:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sell your baby to a homeless man and use the money to buy doom 3. and i like the random picture. very nice indeed.