Tictactoe tries his hand at finding true love (or) Remember kids: Don't do drugs, they'll run up the minutes on your cell phone (811 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.14 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by tictactoe (View user info) at 2004-08-13 06:17:21 EDT
Awhile back I got a dollar in my change at the gas station. Amazing, I know, but it gets even better. So anyway, the dollar had all sorts of inane scribblings on it. On closer inspection the scribbles turned out to be words.
Some poor, pathetic bastard had written his phone number and a desperate plea to all the women in the world to call him up. He must have imagined some sort of Brazilian supermodel miraculously finding this bill, meeting up with him, falling in love, and having wild and crazy brazilain ass sex.
Obviously he didn't imagine me.
But yet, here I am staring at this dollar weeks after I got it. Thinking to myself "Should I give this guy a call just for the hell of it?". Well after downing a nice sized bottle of vodka and being suitably laced up with coke, the answer is a resounding "YES!".
So what the hell. I picked up the phone and dialed.
<ring>
<ring>
<ring>
Ken: Hello?
Me: Hey, is this Ken?
Ken: Yeah, who's calling?
Me: [a bad female voice impersonation] Well I just saw that dollar with your phone number on it and I must say, I was VERY intrigued. To the point of horniness. And a bit of masturbation.
Ken: Woah! This is unexpected! Who are you? What's your name? Where do you... Hey wait a minute, is this a MAN?
(oh man this is gonna be sweet!)
Me: OF COURSE IT IS!!!!
(HAHAHAHA)
Ken: Oh THANK GOD! I couldn't tell at first, your voice sounded kinda girly...
Me: Hey, watch who you're callin' girly, asshole! Wait a minute... you're... GAY?
Ken: Well of course, silly!
Me: Oh... I.. well... umm...
(Trying to regain control of my practical joke)
Me: Sooooo.... how about that ASS FUCKING? Crazy stuff ain't it?
Ken: You're teling me! This one time about 2 months ago, me and my boy...friend... were...
(cue stuttering)
Me: Hey man, are you alright?
Ken: Yeah, it's just... Oh my gosh, I don't know why I'm telling this to a complete stranger, but... I recently went through a very... painful breakup.
(cue long, boring-ass story about him and "Michael" )
....
<25 minutes later>
Me: Ooookayyyy, well I best be go....
Ken: I mean you can only try SO FUCKING HARD....
(cue sobbing)
Ken: OH GOD!!! WHY DID YOU LEAVE MEEEE??????!!!!!!!!!
....
....
....
<click>
Okay, so I may have gotten the Brazilian supermodel thing wrong, but I was dead on with the ass fucking.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-12-05 18:36:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you still around? And more importantly is gib?
Submitted by tictactoe (user info) at 2004-10-17 20:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Goddamn, I've been gone for too long.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-08-16 14:16:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Any tips on keeping your nose from getting plugged up??
Great story...
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-14 18:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great story. there sure are a lot of strange people out there, huh?
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-08-14 17:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At least you spamed my post with +2s. Here you go. I'm to lazy to see if I already rated this.
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-08-13 22:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1 on 16 jamie...
I guess was another one of those "you would have had to be there" things.
Regardless, that was damn funny the other night when you did this.
Submitted by dudette (user info) at 2004-08-13 21:29:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh...
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-08-13 15:50:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll review yours if you review mine... mine are all old though... my creativity seems to have leapt out a window and fallen to a bloody, gory death.
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-08-13 15:38:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by tictactoe (user info) at 2004-08-13 15:33:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey man, review my post again.
Submitted by tictactoe (user info) at 2004-08-13 15:29:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-08-13 12:12:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Why hasn't this got a higher rating?
-----------------------------------
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess it's because no one is reviewing it.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-08-13 12:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why hasn't this got a higher rating? This part cracked me up:
Me: Ooookayyyy, well I best be go....
Ken: I mean you can only try SO FUCKING HARD....
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-08-13 10:22:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by tictactoe (user info) at 2004-08-13 10:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bored... as... fuck... reduced to spamming... own posts... for entertainment....
Submitted by tictactoe (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Woo hoo!
Someone else actually reviewed this!
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-13 08:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You ever see those dollar bills with the "where's george" thing on it?
I put my thing in, then I paid for gas.
Three weeks later the fucking bill was in san diego, used to buy a fucking soda at a beach.
It was winter here.
Fuck trackgeorge and anyone else who doesn't get snow. biatches.
Submitted by tictactoe (user info) at 2004-08-13 07:12:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-08-13 07:04:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
Sometimes He Eats Nice Apricot, Nectarine Injected Grains And Needs Sleep.
Look a little closer...
----------------------------
Looking a little closer would require me not saying "Piss off, this ain't shenanigans"
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-08-13 07:04:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sometimes He Eats Nice Apricot, Nectarine Injected Grains And Needs Sleep.
Look a little closer...
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-08-13 07:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And before you even ask, no, I don't do coke like tictactoe here.
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-08-13 07:00:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can vouch that this really happened, as I was there.
This happened two nights ago at my house.
Goddamn it Jamie, you crazy cokehead, you.
Submitted by tictactoe (user info) at 2004-08-13 06:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish it was.
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-08-13 06:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was the biggest lie.
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-08-13 06:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Jesus Christ...