Story of The Shower Shitter. (2678 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.93 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by WiLL ZoNE (View user info) at 2004-08-13 09:15:37 EDT
This is a true tale about my roommate, Walter, and his best friend... his name is Josh, but for the sake of anonymity, lets call him "Jesh." Again, this story is 100% true, and it takes place in April, 2002...in our apartment , in Brooklyn.
We, the three roommates, msyself, Walter and Mike, have been living here for about 3 months. The place is great. Its really big for what we pay per month, a steal of an apartment. This particular Friday night, I'm watching some TV before going out to party, Mike is in his bedroom with his then girlfriend Samona, and Josh...I mean "Jesh"...just showed up to hang out with Walter.
"Jesh" is an alright guy. The type of guy that when you meet him you can tell right away that he's "not all there." For example, he loves wrestling, and not in an ironic, nostalgic sense...he fucking loves wrestling. He's creepy in a nerdy social outcast sort of way. He also likes shitty music and shitty video games. "Jesh" is also a confirmed liar/bullshit artist. Sometimes I wonder what Walter gets out of this friendship...who knows, who cares.
"Jesh" comes over all sweaty. God only knows what he was doing that got him so nasty. I assume wrestling is the answer. Before we all go out for drinking and debauchery "Jesh" asks if he could use the shower.
"Sure." says Walter, not knowing the Pandora's Box he is opening.
"Jesh" takes a towel of mine and proceeds into the bathroom for some showery goodness. Walter and I are watching a movie, and Mike and Samona are playing a video game. We hear the water go on. We watch a movie. Scene after scene passes and the shower is still spittin'.
"Guess "Jesh" likes long showers." I think to myself and my water bill.
The shower turns off and its now only a matter of time before we go out and paint the town red. Well, not yet. "Jesh" still has to turn the shower brown.
We hear the sink running now. "Jesh" has been in the bathroom with the shower off for well over 20 minutes. Something's wrong. Our assumptions soon become answers as "Jesh" opens the door, steps out into the hallway and speaks.
"Um Guys, your shower just shit on me." He says it as if he rehearsed for 20 minutes in front of the mirror.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" The rest of us pretty much speak in unison.
"Seriously, your shower shit on me. Shit came out of the shower head and rained a shit-storm all over me." "Jesh" said it just believably enough to get everyone to stand up and want to check out the shower.
So now there's five of us crammed into the bathroom, and we slowly creep to the tub to check for damages. There's about 3 inches of water in the tub and there's brownish-orangey lumps floating around evenly throughout the water, and a good amount clogging the drain.
"What the fuck is that?" I ask.
"Looks like...rust." Walter answers.
"I think its rust." Samona agrees and she picks up a plunger to poke at the waste.
She tapped a bigger chunk and it broke, and reality stepped in and Samona screamed...
"IT'S SHIT!!!!!"
With that we all freak out and exit the bathroom in a mad dash, like someone just yelled "fire" in a movie theater, or "free ice cream" at a Weight Watchers meeting. I'm gagging. I avoid touching "Jesh" cause he just said that the shower shit all over him. "Jesh" is also playing the "I'm embarrassed/feel bad for me card."
Now, everyone of us seems to believe "Jesh's" story...except for me, Walter, Mike and Samona. We don't say anything right then and there, we have to deal with the situation. Since Shower Shitter is Walter's friend, Walter offers to clean it all up. He feels its his fault, its his friend, its his shower. Mike and I vow never to shower in this apartment again. Shit comes from the nozzle!
The apartment is in a panic. I call the fucking landlord to complain, even though I have a sneaking suspicion that Jesh took a shit in my shower. My landlord, Pete, comes over and inspects the situation...runs water and finds that there is no shitty water. Pete questions Jesh for details. The tub gets cleaned and disinfected and the curtain will be scrubbed clean tomorrow. Pete leaves, and he shoots me a "this is bullshit" glance.
Mike, Samona and I decide not to go out with Walter and Josh. The three of us stay behind and begin to break the situation down like Sherlock Holmes n shit. We have questions, facts and accusations.
Questions:
If the shower shit on Josh, then why was he in there for 30 minutes before saying anything...why did the shower and sink run for that long? The second shit came out, I'd have the water off and my ass out the shower.
How is it possible that clumps of shit were in the tub, when the holes in the shower head are millimeters wide? There was also just shit, no piss left behind. Also, NYC doesn't have cesspools, we have sewers...for us to get shit backing up on the third floor, the apartment downstairs HAD to have shit coming out as well as every apartment on the ground floor on this block. Nothing like that happened.
There was no shit residue on the shower head, nor was there shit on the shower curtain above the ankle line. If shit came from the shower head like he explained, there'd be shit in those two locations, without fail.
How is it possible for waste water to come out of the shower head? Dirty water can't back-up clean water pipes? It would have to come out of the floor drain, and even from the drain you wouldn't be left with the clumps that we saw.
"Jesh" must have shit in the shower, I assume by accident, and was embarrassed. He took all that time in there cause he was trying to clean his mess, but the drain clogged and he had to come up with a solution...a story to get him off the hook. Fact: "Jesh" shit in the shower.
(even though we knew "Jesh" shit in the shower, neither me nor mike took a shower there for three days.)
What kind of friend says this lie and lets his friends call their brand new landlord and forces him to come over late on a Friday night? And then also watches as his best friend, Walter, cleans his shit from the tub, gagging. Walter felt BAD for "Jesh." And "Jesh" played that card till the end.
I've never liked or trusted "Jesh" ever since. Sometimes we find ourselves at the same parties, and I'll do my best to ignore him until I'm really, really drunk and then I'll question him about the shower shitting. Trying to give him a chance to come clean and try to repair our broken friendship.
I've been drunk with him like 5 times since then, and every time I ask...he still denies it.
Fuck you "Jesh," you fucking shower shitter. I hope you have the fucking internet and find this.
Oh Uber, as an added bonus, the next day when I went to use my towel, I found shit all over it.
Will
User Reviews
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-10-24 14:40:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just found this:
Story of the Shower Shitter (From a Different Point of View) by JESH
http://www.ubersite.com/m/41793
Submitted by _Vanessa_ at 2004-09-02 17:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O shit, I was so busy laughing I forgot to rank it...
Submitted by _Vanessa_ at 2004-09-02 17:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Will, I've read a number of your posts and, I've got to say, this shit has got to be the funniest!
Aw man, you made my day...
I sprew sympathy for those of you who have been in similar situations...
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-08-18 21:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-18 16:47:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That is pure, unadulterated awful.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-16 08:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What madville had to say!
Posted by dirkdiggler - Aug 13, 2004 at 04:45:05 PM -
Sooka
That [censored] is sick...no pun intended....not the first time I have heard of something like this....I had a freind whose roommate would not contribute to the household items....toilet paper, dishwasher soap, etc...well, my friend decided that he would just start locking up the stuff he bought...he locked up the toilet paper and his roommate would still go in there and take huge dumps without anything to wipe with....my friend was suspicious that he was wiping ass with his hand, but didn't have any proof. Then one night, they were sitting around drinking, the roommate went to take a [censored], came back and asked my friend if he wanted a beer. My friend said yes and as the roommate handed him a beer, my friend almost puked because the roommate had [censored] under his fingernails......::vomit::
Posted by davef62 - Aug 13, 2004 at 05:17:34 PM -
Cant have it
UGHHHH horrible!!!!
::vomit::
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Posted by cheeze_ballz - Aug 13, 2004 at 06:41:28 PM -
dirkdiggler:
oh my lord, that is the sickest thing i've heard in a LONG,LONG time!!! ::vomit::
Posted by Likwuid_Ice - Aug 13, 2004 at 09:11:45 PM -
Free User
ha ha ha.... (pauses laughter, looks at general mood of comments) that's just plain nasty!
Posted by Kalika - Aug 14, 2004 at 08:07:22 AM -
Free User
Ahahahaha, eww that picture...
Posted by ZemRrushe - Aug 14, 2004 at 12:43:33 PM -
Deity
The link, the picture.
DirkDigglers story.
So disgusting, yet so very funny. ::vomit::
Posted by maxpayne - Aug 14, 2004 at 01:11:59 PM -
ich, oberst
I def view this one as a comedic gem, (jesh is still a [censored]tard) but omg [censored]!!!!!
the toilet had to be like 3 ft away.
god damn funny tho, i was actualy laughing out loud while reading that::grin::
Posted by Mouse_God - Aug 15, 2004 at 06:18:17 PM -
Free User
LOL! That was just TOO hilarious, and the picture at the bottom was the icing on the cake. Aside from that story, the website actually looks pretty neat. I'll have to check out later.
What's REALLY awful though, was that "Jesh" used that guys TOWEL to clean the poop! Ever hear of toilet paper?? I mean, how hard would it be for him to get a bunch of toilet paper, pick the poop up from out of the tub and drop it in the toilet? Then he could flush the evidence and then wipe the shower clean with even MORE toilet paper. Obviously that guy isn't very smart. ::smile::
Submitted by bigp0ppa (user info) at 2004-08-14 12:53:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dont you just hate that!!!lol
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-14 12:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks for playing along tictactoe.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-13 20:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy crap
Submitted by tictactoe (user info) at 2004-08-13 20:37:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know why this is getting straight +2's. Personally I thought this was a -1, rounding out with a 0 after the +1 for effort. And yes, I'm aware that I will be flamed to all hell for breaking the sacred +2 streak. Get over it people, it's just a rating. I'm sure WillZone would rather have an honest opinion that constant ass kissing.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-13 19:30:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Submitted by simplychilled (user info) at 2004-08-13 15:55:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality post, except that MAYBE the reason "Jesh" shat in the shower was pure malice. He might have secretly hated Walter, maybe you too. Still, a bastard thing to do though.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-08-13 15:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tragic. Yet yummy.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it!
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:09:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"...how the hell can someone "accidentally" shit? If you aren't a baby or an 89-year-old, you must have a medical condition if you can't control your shit, especially when there is a toilet right next to you."
I don't think he did it on purpose, what kind of friend would do that? I have no idea.
I honestly thought that maybe he had to fart and a bunch slipped out...and he said fuck it! maybe he shit himself before the shower and washed it all off...i don't know, all i know is that i hate him and he stinks.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-08-13 13:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If this is true...
...how the hell can someone "accidentally" shit? If you aren't a baby or an 89-year-old, you must have a medical condition if you can't control your shit, especially when there is a toilet right next to you.
Did you hear a loud splash/thump at any point during his shower?
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2004-08-13 12:55:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
EW
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2004-08-13 12:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get revenge on that schmuck.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-08-13 12:35:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poo is bad
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-08-13 12:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Defecation stories are funny.
Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2004-08-13 11:21:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thats fucking disgusting
Submitted by phinch not logged in at 2004-08-13 11:20:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That picture is so horibly wrong.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2004-08-13 11:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats just....Nasty
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-08-13 11:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's nasty.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-08-13 10:56:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow... just... wow.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-08-13 10:46:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had to try to pretend that I was sneezing in a piss poor attempt to hide the fact I was laughing as my boss wouldn't believe me if I told her I was laughing at an odd looking function on a spreadsheet.
I was expecting a comment from Shandy or Mr Prickle accusing the guy in the bath to be Apollo in one of his scat home movies.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-08-13 10:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn..................tht's funny!
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-08-13 10:19:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That looks more like oil than shit to me.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-08-13 10:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its the worst thing ever having to move from the hot shower, to the cold, wet naked toilet to take a shit. Have you ev er done it? It blows.
Your ass slips all over the seat, you freeze your balls off, and it just feels weird.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seems like everyday I read a story on Ubersite, it reminds me of something that will become my next post. How convenient!
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:51:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ugh, I feel so dirty. And now I can't even shower!
fucking shower shitter
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:49:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to vomit.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:44:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The story was funny, as ever, but the picture makes me want to cry a little bit. Please tell me that's pudding or something and you didn't google image search "scat". Please?
Submitted by Robot9598 (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
01101001 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100100 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01010010 01101111 01100010 01101111 01110100 01110011 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01110110 01101111 01101101 01101001 01110100 00101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110101 01101110 01110100 01101001 01101100 00100000 01101001 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00101110
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you "Jesh," you fucking shower shitter.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think thats the most perfect picture i've ever found for a story. its only mud...but you know, after reading the story...it looks like a whole lot more.
Submitted by IsawBoobs (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i shat the shower once when i was EIGHT and that was because i had flaming diarreha.
what a douche bag, dont let that shit fly. no pun intended. next time youre at a party tell everyone about the shitty pants.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ewwwwwww........
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:37:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate you on so many levels for that picture and the second look at my breakfast I just took because of it!
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What kind of moron shits in the shower?
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well...I WAS going to eat some breakfast...funny how plans change...
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:31:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too funny. And well-told. Man...I will be laughing over this story all weekend!!
Submitted by HatMan (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was laughing the entire way through.
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was drunk one night and went to fart in the shower.....I followed through!!! Was not pretty.
Luckily it was wet and runny and so went down the plug hole no problem.
And it was mine so all in all I just found it funny
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:28:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking hell.
Submitted by oxanar (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:25:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as shit!
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shit
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:25:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is no way that shit would come out of the shower drain without coming out of every sink, toilet and shower on your floor and the floors below you.
The guy's a freak.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:22:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What? How the fuck did he shit in the shower? Jesus christ.....
Fucking wackos man, fucking wackos
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, I've seen a toilet back up and some pretty disgusting water coming up from the drain in the tub, but I don't see how it could come out through the shower nozzle.
Funny story, though.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-08-13 09:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn