The Boy With Bows For Belt Loops (883 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.97 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by John Galt (View user info) at 2004-08-13 12:53:04 EDT
Growing up I was always the nerd in school. I know, I know, I couldn't believe it either, but it's true. Being the smart kid, a foot shorter than everyone else, with glasses, I took my fair share of abuse. I guess I can't complain too much, though. My two best friends and my step-brother were twice the size of everyone else, so at least I got to keep my lunch money. Besides, I can't imagine life without my sarcastic sense of humor and I owe it all to my childhood geekdom.
Why am I telling you all this? To be honest, I have no Earthly idea. I guess the point is, I got picked on a lot, and so I don't get embarrassed...usually. This story, however, is different.
I suppose I should start with a little more background information. When I was a kid my grandparents (my step-dad's parents) lived next door. My grandma had no car or driver's license. The time she tried to learn how to drive is a great story in and of itself. Let's just say my step-dad won't ever make that mistake again. Anyway, since my grandpa was too lazy to drive her to a town with a real store, read Wal-Mart, my mom would take her places on the weekends. In return, she'd come in and clean our house, do the dishes and laundry, etc. while everyone was at school. It was greatly appreciated by all...except me. I'd have rather done it myself after what happened because of it.
The scene: the boy's bathroom at Central Middle School. The year: 1991. I was in the 6th grade. I was running late after the change between classes, but I had to stop and pee. I ran into the bathroom, concentrating more on getting to class than anything else. Mid-urination I heard someone walk in, followed by hysterical laughter. I turned and saw Chad, the most prominent and notorious of those who hated me, laughing his ass off and pointing at me as I tried to piss. By the time I finished he was nearly having an asthma attack.
I flushed the toilet, zipped my pants and started toward the sink to wash my hands.
Me: What the hell is wrong with you?
Chad: AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Nice pants, shorty. (A nickname I'm glad to finally be rid of now that I stand a towering 5 feet, 6 inches tall.)
Me: What? <-insert confused look
Chad: Oh God! I can't breathe.
Hoping whatever he was going to make fun of me for this time would be easy to hide or explain, I turned to look into the mirror. My life flashed before my eyes. Apparently my grandmother, in her attempt to help, had done laundry the day before. Unfortunately, she'd put my sister's pants into my closet. I thought they'd seemed a bit tight. But now, here I stood, already the dorkiest kid in class, with little bows for belt loops all around my waist.
Needless to say, I was completely mortified. I begged Chad not to tell anyone. That bastard never let me forget it, but in the most amazing part of this story, he never told a soul. I had to do his homework for years afterwards, but he never told anyone about it. I guess there are just some things all guys can understand, some lines you don't cross. Either that or he was afraid of my friends.
Fortunately for me I have the greatest mom in the world. I pretended to be sick and called her from the office. I told her what happened on the ride home. Even she still laughs at me about it. At least now I know that I look good in girls jeans should I ever find some need to wear them.
User Reviews
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:48:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-11-23 17:26:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was in grad school, I didn't have classes on Fridays so I would come home Thursday night. (school at ASU - live in Charlotte)
So about mid morning on a Friday, Sam called and asked me if I wanted to come meet him for lunch. I thought it was odd, but ok sure why not. I'm only working on my dissertation, nothing important. Then he asked me if I could very discretely slip either one of his brown or black wing tips into a bag and bring it with me and could I come directly to his office. It's not the same thing as wearing your sister's pants to school, but he works with a pretty rough crowd and a funny like that would go on for years.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-11-23 17:20:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
just for the first line alone
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-11-23 16:19:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
maravilloso
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-11-23 16:09:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-23 14:55:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Same thing happened to me once, but instead of wearing a pair of jeans with bows for beltloops, it was anal rape.
Good story.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-11-23 14:45:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwwwww.
Submitted by Jack_Laridian (user info) at 2004-11-23 14:38:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story. We've all been in those embarrassing situations.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-11-23 14:33:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good except for the "towering 5'6"" comment.
I'm 6' and that's average.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-11-23 14:17:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ehehehe
Submitted by MajicWalrus at 2004-08-19 04:21:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus 2 because I'm short, skinny, smart, and wear glasses.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-08-13 18:37:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At 5'8" I tower over you. +2 for anyone (male) who's shorter than me. :-)
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2004-08-13 15:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA!
ok... +2 for the zing :)
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-08-13 15:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't worry, Zandy, if I read teenage girl's magazines I'd be bitter too. :-)
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2004-08-13 15:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for the funny story and for being the nerd - that was my stigma as well.
-1 for this line:
"Needless to say, I was completely mortified."
That's right out of Seventeen Magazine...uhh...not that I read that teeny-bopper filth...
I hate to be the guy that ruins your perfect 2!!
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:24:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:01:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO JKIM BEM WOO!
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-08-13 13:54:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Lord, this is hysterical.
Reminds me of the show "Freaks and Geeks."
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-08-13 13:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is so freakin cute.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-13 13:37:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The +2 exchange.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-08-13 13:15:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck thats funny.
I was under 5' tall until I hit grade 10. I was also skinny, and my last name is ... unique (read: easy as hell to make fun of). I had a lot of people attempt to pick on me. Thankfully I was easy going even as a kid and made friends pretty quickly, so I avoided a lot of conflict.
Now I am 6' and 195 lbs. I am still not used to this shell when I think about what I used to be.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-13 13:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You do realize we are going to call you shorty now, right?
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-08-13 13:06:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fag
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-08-13 12:57:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
5'6?
Oh yeah, I could certainly take you in a fight!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-13 12:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can honestly say that I never went to school in girl's clothes.
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-08-13 12:56:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a massive 5'6.
Good work buddy.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-13 12:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
did you wear matching panties?
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-08-13 12:54:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Marge, try to understand. There are two kinds of college students: jocks
and nerds. As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer Goes to College