Back by (Somewhat) Popular Demand: Completing the Reno Experience (806 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.93 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phoenix (View user info) at 2004-08-13 14:30:52 EDT
It was brought to my attention (by this post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/41488, and by GodChicken's frequent IMs requesting that I "POST DAMMIT!") that people actually noticed I was gone. Awww. That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and I'd like to give you guys a good excuse for why I haven't been posting, but I'm not going to (mainly because I don't have a good one. I have a handful of bad ones if you want those, and TonyMontana's cursing the heavens that I'm even still alive).
I've done a lot of posts about my hometown.
Okay, not a LOT, but enough for my fellow Uber brethren to roll their eyes in my general directions and whine, "Okaaaay, Erika, we GET it. You HATE Reno." And you might be wondering why I decided, after taking a 3 month hiatus from Uber, to make this my "comeback" post. This is why: because this not only marks a high point for my serial roommate posts, but it perfectly illustrates the quintessential Reno-an (Reno-ite? Reno-inian? Bah...whatever it is).
James. Roommate #1. The classic pothead. The 3-D illustrated chart of the de-evolution of man. Or, for a more descriptive input of James: http://www.ubersite.com/m/22586.
We hadn't heard from good ol' James for a while. Matt had kicked him out partly because he couldn't pay the rent, but mainly because he was a worthless human being - he'd gone from well-paid sales associate at Circuit City to jizz-mopper at Suzie's Adult Theatre and Bookstore, from well-to-do guy to paranoid pothead, from interesting high debater to just plain insane.
After he moved out, he'd stop by periodically hoping to make amends with Matt and giving updates on his life - or what now seems to be "telling lies about his life." He said he was living in a nice affordable apartment (although "nice" and "affordable" is an oxymoron in Reno unless you're living in government subsidized housing which is still nothing to brag about). He gloated about how he'd made manager at Suzie's, and how he could talk a girl into buying a dildo in 4 seconds flat. Good going, James. There's pride - being a sex shop's top dildo salesman.
It'd been a few months since James had stopped by - he usually tried to make an appearance at least once a month or every other month since he'd moved out over a year ago. Maybe he thought we were concerned with his well-being, maybe he wanted us to think that he was more than a sleazy white trash sex shop employee, but more often than not, I think the real reason he stopped by from time to time was for his mail. Seemingly, James' "nice affordable apartment" turned into "no fixed residence," and his position as Top Dildo Salesman at Suzie's dwindled into "unemployment." We got a few letters from collection companies and investigative services looking for the whereabouts of James' car which he'd missed a, um, few payments on.
It would seem as if James had disappeared from the face of the earth - or at least had left the biggest little city in the world far behind, so you can imagine our surprise when a familiar name popped up on the local news this past Wednesday evening....
"James Paschall, 24...arrested on accounts of armed robbery and embezzlement..."
It seems our esteemed ex-roommate strolled into his alma mater sex shop and tried to rob the cash register with, of all things, a sledgehammer. The clerk, in what I imagine must've been a bold, heroic move to save the well-being of such a reputable sex shop (har har), was nearly stabbed by a pair of SCISSORS.
Oh, James. What adventures you get yourself into. It sends shivers down one's spine to know a name mentioned on the news with ill-intent, but it makes one sick to the stomach to know that they used to sleep under the same roof as said person. James was always a weird guy, always a little off-kilter, but I can't say that I ever saw him as violent (however "violent" assaulting someone with a sledgehammer and a pair of scissors is). He's going to be in prison for a good long while. Unless he knows someone who likes him enough to think his freedom is worth $40,635.
http://www.rgj.com/news/stories/html/2004/08/07/77525.php
User Reviews
Submitted by polly (user info) at 2004-08-14 18:33:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-08-14 18:19:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo! She has returned.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-08-13 23:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2004-08-13 17:43:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hot diggedy damn! Now I can stop staring at old post listings of yours (as I was reading your old posts when I decided to put Uber in my favorites so when I go here yours if the first I see).
<cue Welcome Back Kotter theme>
You knew eventually you would see something like this comming from the wonderful people you have had to live with.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-13 17:23:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yay, shes back
good post, woman.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-13 15:55:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET OUT OF MY BASEMENT?
Here, have a +2
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-08-13 15:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kristen!!
That reminds me - I have a LOT to tell you about Lee that developed since I talked to you yesterday. Have you gotten my emails, you crazy girl you?
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-08-13 15:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
voklecess! feonix! erica!
welcome back.
I cant spell.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:57:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YAY!
Welcome back babes.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:50:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, read the post! I shudder to think what kind of delinquent Lee will become when he gets the boot.
It really is good to have you back here. It was just not the same without you. (Cue cheesy "Awwwwwww's")
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uh, I don't know you. But welcome back.
And have a +2 because you're hot.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:41:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome back!
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the happiest day on Über in a long, long time.
Welcome back, you sexy thang! I missed you!
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
welcome back beautiful...now check your friendster acct.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-13 14:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment