Summer wieght clothing? I call it paper. (782 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.25 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <Icedragon.at.cartoonconnection.net> (View user info) at 2004-08-14 21:53:59 EDT
Last week I was forced to do something I hate. It was a necessity that brings out the worst in me. I would much more endure the total mental trauma of watching both Rocko's Modern life and Family Guy return to production only to watch them both be cancelled again the next season than be subjected to this abject humiliation.
I had to go clothes shopping. Comparing Kirstie Alley to me is like comparing a Dachshund to a St. Bernard. So going to any store and finding clothes that fit is a problem, so I am forced to endure the ultimate humiliation.
I must go to a big and tall shop.
By going to a big and tall shop, you admit that you are a giant fatass. Tall people can enter the store without remorse, but anyone under 6'3" has to feel bad. Every time I enter the store, I get depressed and get a Big Mac at the McDonalds next door.
Anyway, I walked into the store and this woman walks up to me and says, "Can I help you?" "Yes, I would like some khaki shorts..."
Now for me, shorts and pants are harder to find than shirts. This is because I have legs like hams: Large, conical, ugly, and honey glazed.
"You'll want to take a look at our new shorts brand. This pair is made from special summer weight fabric." I took a look at them, and saw the floor thru them. "This doesn't look very durable." "Oh, but it is, this brand has been stress tested many times." "Really? Since when has Xerox made clothing?" "Well if you don't like it, do somewhere else fatty." That last bit hurt my ego, so I went to the McDonalds. I really like the convenience, especially when McDonalds installed a door to the inside of the big and tall shop.
User Reviews
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-08-16 03:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not bad, though it coulda been longer.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-08-14 22:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=109252766057565253
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2004-08-14 22:16:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Every time I enter the store, I get depressed and get a Big Mac at the McDonalds next door."
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If you're unhappy with your looks, do something about it. The sentence above may hold a clue as to where to start. +2 for having a sense of humor about it.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-08-14 22:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I" before "e" except after "c," or when sounding like "a" as in neighbor and weigh, or on weekends and holidays and all throughout May, and you'll always be wrong no matter what you say.