Unsuspecting Advice (630 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -1.57 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by facts (View user info) at 2004-08-16 14:04:41 EDT
Most people go about their whole lives never meeting a true prophet, but I am not one of those unfortunate souls. For I have met Terrance. A name fit for a ghetto black dude, and bestowed upon a ghetto black dude with dredlocks. I first encountered Terrance at work, we both work at a company that sets up picnics and various other engagements for clients. The job can be stressful, it can season the right man to a point where there is no packet of reality that can't be discerned, yes Terrance would be one of those men. The following is the Gospel of Terrance which has been recorded in bits and pieces just as the Jesus book, so it makes it just as authentic, I hope you find it usefull:
1. My bitch can't drive a stick
The time and date of this utterance are long lost, but the lesson is clear. Women are horrible drivers and quite possibly should be banned from driving anything but non-european-go-kart type machines.
2. Don't work against yourself
Yes, yes Terrance, I think this might be your most important teaching. I learned not to work against myself after we were supposed to be supervising a graduation party and Terrance wanted to duck out to the gas station to get some menthols. When we return some dumbass high schooler (well high school graduate, the most he would ever achieve no doubt) had busted his knee on a glass lightbulb, Terrance took stock of the situation, quickly made up a lie, and we were on our way.
3. I apprenciate it
When I first heard Terrance say this to a principal of a high school I thought I heard wrong, but no, he says I apprenciate it to anyone, no matter their august surroundings or the color of their genitalia. The lesson here is one that serves us all well, don't give a fuck what anyone thinks.
4. I be puttin them hos to work
When I queried Terrance about female employees he promptly replied with the aformentioned line. Terrance believes all people are equal, well except white people, but we shan't go there for now.
5. I'll work with some pig toes if i have to
I was taken back by this blatantly racist statement, but then I realized other people stereotyped Terrance and used weird adjectives to describe him, so why can't he do the same? The message is clear: we can all get along together.
6. i'm gonna click-clack this motherfucker behind my back
While driving in a dodge stratus in Illinois a constant pinging noise popped from the car, so i said to Terrance, what is that? He said it was the seatbelt and that he would fix it. So instead of putting the seatbelt on he clicks it behind his back. Moral: Safety be damned in the name of style.
7. holland. what's that?
While in the car with Terrance and some coworkers someone asked Terrance if he had ever been to Holland. His reply shocked no one. But what happened next did, he had been to amsterdam twice, and when asked if it was for fun, he said you could call it something like that. Moral: You can be a world traveler and give fuck cent about Holland (no one cares about Holland anyways).
User Reviews
Submitted by StabkiII (user info) at 2004-08-27 21:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bleh.
Submitted by StabkiIl (user info) at 2004-08-27 21:46:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
270-952-2512
Submitted by FetishII (user info) at 2004-08-24 20:59:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
One more for good measure.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-24 20:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish_ (user info) at 2004-08-24 19:21:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ToxicNarcotic (user info) at 2004-08-22 14:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the gracies rule asshole
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-16 16:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chicks that can't drive sticks suck! and men that can't drive sticks are just gay!
Take that and stick it!
:)
Submitted by lrw (user info) at 2004-08-16 14:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
terrance = my hero