The Lojopiad (1175 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.91 on 56 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jeremy Roberts (View user info) at 2004-08-17 09:59:06 EDT
Once, long ago, in the land of Über
There was a young lass all thought was super.
Her name was Lojope; her locks were fair
All the boys wished to see her body bare.
One of these boys, a shy young fellow,
Fin'ly got up the courage to give her a "Hello".
His name was Fetish; some just called him "Tool",
At that he would flame them so he would look cool.
One day young Fetish felt he ought to get out,
He needed to stretch and wander about.
Now who did he see when he went out the door?
Lojope, his fav'rite, in midst of a chore.
The lass smiled at him and continued on her way
Fetish was tongue-tied, with nothing to say.
His mouth hung open, unable to speak
Lojo just shrugged and went into the creek.
Too late, Fetish felt his manners returning,
His shyness was evident; he felt his face burning.
He walked to the creek, admiring her hair
He swallowed, then said, "Can I help you there?"
"Why surely, good sir," the maiden replied.
Fetish just nodded, and lovelorn, he sighed.
"I can't say I've done this at all in my life,
All day I'm on Über, trying to cause strife."
"That's fine," said Lojope, "I'll give you advice,
So long as you promise that you will play nice."
At this Fetish nodded, and he went to work,
Happy that Lojo didn't call him a jerk.
Finally they finished, and together they sat
With their feet in the brook on some random mat.
"Thanks for helping me," said the lass with a grin.
"How 'bout a... God, there's drool on your chin!"
Fetish jumped and wiped it off with his sleeve.
Lojope just laughed, "You looked like Chris Reeve".
Fetish just shrugged, but inside he was seething,
He hadn't felt this bad since when he was teething.
Fin'ly he gathered some presence of mind,
He said "That was fun, it helped me unwind."
Then he got to what he wanted to say,
"Hey, for that help... Do you think you could pay?"
Lojope looked puzzled, and she said with a frown,
"I guess I could take you to dinner in town."
"That's great," Fetish said, "That really would rock,
But I meant right now!" And he pulled out his cock.
The maiden looked ill as she looked at his dick,
"That thing is so tiny, I'm gonna be sick."
These words seemed to wound him, and cried the young lad,
"It's big 'nough for you if it satisfies my dad!"
Then realizing the import of what he had said,
Fetish turned 'round, and to the comp he fled.
Lojo just shrugged, and she lit up a butt,
"I may flirt online, but I'm not a damn slut!"
User Reviews
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-07-13 17:41:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that was good!
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-07-13 17:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TopStuff
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-13 17:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2004-10-24 05:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ultimate.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-10-23 23:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Solid gold, reconstiuted from Mr.T's old neck chains. Well done & congrats.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-10-23 23:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh my god. awesome.
someone have this man's babies. and make it soon.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-23 23:19:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NoahsArk (user info) at 2004-10-23 13:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-10-23 13:38:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I laughed.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-10-23 13:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-10-23 08:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Impressively strange.
Submitted by BlinkSparky (user info) at 2004-10-23 06:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how long did that take you?
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-08-20 12:03:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel bad for not +2ing this earlier.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-20 10:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-17 18:13:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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Whassamatta... you didn't like it?
Submitted by spinningaroundme (user info) at 2004-08-18 17:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow!
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-08-18 16:57:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2...
...Billion
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-08-18 16:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In with a whimper and out with a bang.
The last 3 verses had me laughing out loud. Probably because I'm a pervert...
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-08-18 16:43:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
still rules.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-08-18 16:37:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
clever.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-17 18:28:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One +2 won't cancel one -2 in this case. The law of averages, my friend.
Submitted by Cymak (user info) at 2004-08-17 18:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And again for a job well done.
Submitted by Cymak (user info) at 2004-08-17 18:20:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Once to cancel Fetish's -2...
Submitted by whiskeyjack (user info) at 2004-08-17 18:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOO GO LOJOPE WOOO!!!!!!!!!!
about the only good poem on Ubersite
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-17 18:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by heater (user info) at 2004-08-17 18:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Epic Heat! Wooo!
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-08-17 18:08:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-08-17 16:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is what you get for iming me to read your post
GO BEARS WOO!!!
Submitted by gbusman (user info) at 2004-08-17 15:54:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice.
-Bus
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-08-17 15:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha brilliant
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-17 15:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Christ, I don't wanna see her naked...I'm still having nightmares over that finger.
Submitted by whiskeyjack (user info) at 2004-08-17 15:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was one of the best poems EVER!!!!!!!!
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-08-17 15:37:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
way to go
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-08-17 15:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fetish = pwned.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-08-17 15:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't care who you are, that's funny.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-08-17 15:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-17 13:38:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-17 12:04:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh dear. you are going to incur his wrath!
pretty clever though!
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-08-17 11:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-17 11:22:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cool.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-08-17 11:07:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by P33N3R (user info) at 2004-08-17 11:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Glad you all like it. I was really fucking bored.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for you.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:53:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WOWZERS!
Submitted by I-remember-big-daddy (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for a really funny poem, but -1 for blatant ass kissing and brown nosing - seeing posts like "i love *ubername*" are just dull. Sorry.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:21:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yup
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh heh heh
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:09:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Chief_Rugger (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not really a poetry guy, but this was pretty dang spiffy
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:08:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Even though you are a douche bag, I can't not +2 this.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DJ, I don't know your screen name. Mine is Lojope so you IM me.
Submitted by geofroley (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+ fucking 2 good sir.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:04:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
poetry at its finest
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was fucking awesome.
Expect to be -2'd by all of fetish's alters.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:04:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Fetish just shrugged, but inside he was seething,
He hadn't felt this bad since when he was teething."
quote of the day. right there.
lojope, IM me!
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-17 10:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was fucking AWESOME!!!! Hahahahaha!!! Man... who are you? Kicker of ALL ass.