A murderer saved me (435 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.33 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <lesryder27.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-18 12:19:17 EDT
I hate some things alot of the time. But I do love myself. Never did before...I just hated everything all of the time...but I changed..thanks to a murderer doing life.
I was misguided, dysfunctional, eternally angry and full of self sorrow/pity. My Father was trying to run with the bikers and my mother was trying to run from my father. My Dad needed to be friends with people...he was insecure and still was trying to be cool. Anyways he may have been cool but he was not discreet...not very savvy...he got busted, we got raided. The police seized some drugs, some guns and me.The drugs and guns went into evidence and I went into the system. I stayed there and graduated through each phase and they are as follows:
Foster Homes
Group Homes
Secure Institutional settings
Youth Detention
Adult Detention
I wont lie, i was a destructive lil bastard who showed no remorse...just anger...and a gleam in my eye...a gleam of pride for all the hell I raised. None of the measures they took with me worked, not the meds,not the incarceration, not the endless hours of therapy, group and individual. So they finally tossed me into the "big-house" for 3 years. I was scared of course..you know you hear stories of rape and knifing and all that. So I decided to shave the head, get tattooed and carry a blade. It worked. They accepted me as a badass.(Truth is those things dont happen inside, the knifing does but it is never without provacation,as for the rape-thing. Well sex offenders are kept protected from the general population as they are despised and apt to injury if in striking distance.If anyone in gen pop did something like that he would be killed or would have to run for protection...so basically..fuk what you heard!) Any ways I began dealing drugs and reading books. Before long I befriended a man of 56..working through his 30 th year inside. We'll call him Cecil. He was put in at the age of 16 for stealing a car. He was attacked by some people inside and he managed to kill 2 of them...thereby making his stay permanent. He said some powerful things to me that changed my life. He told me that I was looking for something I will never find in this sub-culture. That I will waste my life on this search. I was looking for acceptance from a group of people who can never accept themselves, let alone anyone else. He saw how I transformed to fit in and how he hates seeing that. He told me to get out and live the life he missed..the life I deserve..to have a family, to lose the prison-lingo, the attitude and all the associations..if I failed and returned he would kill me. He said he would rather me die by his shiv inside than die slowly in the gray.
We dont write.We dont talk. But I have never seen the inside of any correctional centre, nor have I spoken with a cop...outside asking for directions.No one knows I spent all those years in that lifestyle. Anyone I used to know doesnt recognize me today. You may have your generalizations and stereotypes but they dont fit me and those like me. I still chuckle every time im talking with someone who rants and raves about dirt-bag criminals and convict-cocksuckers..having no idea that they are speaking to someone who used to be just that!
User Reviews
Submitted by l-ryd (user info) at 2004-08-18 16:42:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
kudos to you!
Submitted by l-ryd (user info) at 2004-08-18 14:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WOW
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2004-08-18 14:35:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 more for rising above a system
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2004-08-18 14:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i wish there were more people like you
Submitted by l-ryd (user info) at 2004-08-18 14:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks again
Submitted by spinningaroundme (user info) at 2004-08-18 13:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That's a good message.
Submitted by l-ryd (user info) at 2004-08-18 13:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanx
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-18 13:02:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-08-18 12:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad. Keep at it.