Jeremy's comfort. (1435 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesLabels: uberbook
Rating: 1.74 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bigmike (View user info) at 2004-08-18 23:51:50 EDT
Jeremy was two.
He was small for his age and as is typical of a two year old boy, he was fascinated by the world around him. He would go for walks with Amanda, his mom, and as she put him in his stroller, she would always bend over and kiss his forehead. Her lips would brush lightly over his skin and it always gave him an incredible feeling of warmth, serenity, and safety.
They would walk through the park. Other children would come running over to the stroller to see Jeremy. They would always laugh as Jeremy would put his fingers in his mouth or he would scrunch up his face. He was aware that they were laughing, but he never felt threatened or ridiculed by them.
He had many pleasant memories of strolling through the park with his mother. After their walk, when they arrived home, she would always give him something cool to drink along with a snack of goldfish crackers or cheerios.
Jeremy loved his mother even though he knew nothing of what love meant. He just knew that when she was with him he had a very good feeling. He was always safe and comfortable while they were together.
Jeremy's father was a different story. Jeremy always felt a little scared when his father would come to the house. He didn't see his father that often which left him confused and a little angry. His mother was his whole life and his father was almost a stranger. He only knew that the man was his father because that is what his mother told him.
"Your father is coming to the house today Jeremy, be on your best behavior", she would tell him. He wasn't sure what that meant, but he knew he had better not raise a fuss or cry while his daddy was in the house.
One day his daddy came over and Jeremy saw that his mother and father were having an argument. Suddenly, his mother grabbed ahold of Jeremy and tried to run out the door of the house with him. Jeremy's father would not let them go. Jeremy's father made Jeremey and his mother get into the car.
Jeremy always liked the car because it always took him to the park or to McDonalds for ice cream. Today he felt scared of it. Jeremy's father had to really help his mother into the car because she couldn't seem to make it there on her own. After his dad "helped" his mom into the car, Jeremy's dad put him into his car seat and locked it down tight.
Jeremy's dad started the car and began to pull out of the driveway. As he did, the music in the car started to play.
"The path is clear
Though no eyes can see
The course laid down long before
And so with gods and men
The sheep remain inside their pen
Though many times they've seen the way to leave".
Jeremy liked the sound of the music, but he sure did wish that his mother would turn around and enjoy it with him. He looked at his mothers unmoving body, sitting slumped in the front seat of the car.
"Mommy?"
No answer.
He looked to his father. His father never really said anything to him and Jeremy didn't expect him to say much now. He wasn't disappointed. Jeremy wondered where they were going but he was too afraid to say anything. He just sat there as they pulled into the boat launch.
"He rides majestic
Past homes of men
Who care not or gaze with joy
To see reflected there
The trees, the sky, the lily fair,
The scene of death is lying just below".
Jeremy's father stopped the car and got out. He leaned back into the car and hit his mother in the face very hard. Jeremy was getting more scared by the minute. He didn't know what was going on but he sure wished that his mommy would wake up so that he could feel safe again.
The music was still playing.
"The mountain cuts off the town from view
Like a cancer growth is removed by skill
Let it be revealed
A waterfall is madrigal
And inland sea, his symphony"
Jeremy's father looked at Jeremy. Jeremy thought it was a sad look, but he had no way of telling what that look was all about. He saw his father do something to the lever at the front of the car and then his father stepped back and shut the car door. Jeremy saw his fathers face pass by the car window as the car lurched forward.
"Undinal songs
Urge the sailors on
Till lured by the siren's cry".
Jeremy looked again at his mother.
"Mommy! Mommy!"
Still no answer. Jeremy couldn't see out of the front window of the car, but he knew now that the car was going faster. There was supposed to be someone on the other side of the car as it was moving, he knew that. He was confused and didn't know what to do. The car suddenly tipped and started to move almost sideways. Jeremy could feel this but didn't quite know what to do. He looked at the straps of his car seat but was totally at a loss as to how they worked. He looked helplessly at his mommy.
"Now as the river dissolves the sea
So Neptune has claimed another soul
And so with gods and men
The sheep remain inside their pen
Until the Shepherd leads the flock away".
Suddenly Jeremy was startled by what was happening at the window. He pointed to the open part of the back window and exclaimed to his still unconscious mother,
"Water! Mommy Water!"
The water was rising up the window quickly, or to the observer outside (which there were none) the car was sinking rather quickly into the lake. As the water reached the open part of the back windows, Jeremy began to cry. He was scared and his mommy wasn't trying to help him. He was really confused by this because he was always so safe with her nearby. As the car sank, the water level inside the car rose.
As it rose far enough to start to cover his face, the music was at an end.
"The sands of time were eroded by
The river of constant change".
Jeremy was crying as the water covered his mouth, nose, and ultimately his head. He struggled briefly but his efforts were fruitless.
Jeremy died with the thoughts of his mothers kiss brushing against his forehead. It was his only comfort as the water filled his lungs.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-08-24 03:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate giving whiney opinions like this one, but even though the song was fitting it still seemed to disrupt my train of thought. Sort of like an obstacle in the way of enjoying the story.
But then again, wow. I've been Jeremy's father on more then a few occassions.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-08-24 03:32:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Vividly disturbing.
(I wish I didn't read this.)
Submitted by VindicationBot (user info) at 2004-08-24 03:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-19 15:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-08-19 06:09:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BadASCII (user info) at 2004-08-19 00:17:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this was from a movie.
Yeah... I'm pretty sure. It was called "Honey, I sunk the kids."
----------------------
This made me feel really sad, until i read this.
HAHAHA
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-19 15:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bastard. Making me all depressed.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-19 15:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That would be ACRONYM not anagram.
What a tool.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-19 12:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, my new anagram for this kind of stuff is TDFW (Too Depressing For Work).
I'll warn you all next time.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-08-19 11:48:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit man... not a good story to read in the morning. if my day sucks i'm blaming you.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-08-19 11:43:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well that was a wee bit depressing.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-19 11:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-19 11:16:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting thought however. Do you think that it really needs to be more heartrending than it already is. I almost cried after re-reading it for god's sake.
____________________
You're right - it probably doesn't. I'm ashamed of myself now. I just took my beyond-awful day out on a fictional two year old. "Hurt the little bastard! Go on! Make him scream!"
I'm a bad person.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-19 11:16:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-19 11:05:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
I was thinking (as I do, on infrequent and alarming occasions) that the only thing that would have made this even more heartbreaking was Jeremy realising that his mother's kiss was no comfort at all, because she was helpless to protect him. For him to go into the water feeling utterly bereft and abandoned, as though all the love she showed him never meant a thing.
He's only two. He was helpless to save himself as he had always relied on the help of his mother. It was a given that if he needed something she was there. Now she was there and he really needed something and she wasn't able to help. He didn't know that he was going to die. He just knew that what was happening was wrong; that it shouldn't have been happening. He was very scared.
He was looking for comfort in the midst of a very bad situation. He thought of that one thing that gave it to him. I think a two year old would be more confused than disappointed.
Interesting thought however. Do you think that it really needs to be more heartrending than it already is. I almost cried after re-reading it for god's sake.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-19 11:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was thinking (as I do, on infrequent and alarming occasions) that the only thing that would have made this even more heartbreaking was Jeremy realising that his mother's kiss was no comfort at all, because she was helpless to protect him. For him to go into the water feeling utterly bereft and abandoned, as though all the love she showed him never meant a thing.
Submitted by Goldeneyes (user info) at 2004-08-19 10:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As a Jeremy - and father of a 2 1/2 year old - I found this really disturbing.
The definition of a +1 is "Made me smile" - this most certainly did not. However, you get the +1 anyway.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-19 10:47:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-08-19 10:09:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm telling you man, it can all be blamed on Razor bringing up UberMadness.
On a side note: GO GENESIS WOO!
You know, I never credit the songs that I use in my stories. I've used Genesis before. I didn't think there were any other Genesis fans out there.
Genesis before they went pop were a great band.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-08-19 10:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-08-19 10:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Youch.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-19 10:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually feel a little sick after reading that.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-08-19 10:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm telling you man, it can all be blamed on Razor bringing up UberMadness.
On a side note: GO GENESIS WOO!
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-08-19 09:40:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How can you write such sad stuff?
And why the hell do I keep getting pop-ups? I've never got pup-ups on uber before...
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-08-19 09:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bigmike.
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-08-19 09:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was horrible.
God my day was bad enough without that.
Very very well written.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-08-19 09:07:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddammit. I really think I'm going to cry.
Submitted by TomcatJess (user info) at 2004-08-19 08:57:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-08-19 07:47:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-19 06:20:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-08-19 06:09:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BadASCII (user info) at 2004-08-19 00:17:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this was from a movie.
Yeah... I'm pretty sure. It was called "Honey, I sunk the kids."
----------------------
This made me feel really sad, until i read this.
HAHAHA
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-08-19 05:42:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Youthful innocence...
I want go home now.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-08-19 04:33:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
definitely a +2 here.
writing was immaculate as always, but now I want to go cry in a dark corner.
Espo
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-08-19 02:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-08-19 02:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm with Circe on this one.
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-08-19 01:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What Tom and Razor said.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-08-19 01:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I demand humor. DEMAND. Next post, make me laugh, son.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-08-19 00:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
go Jeremys w00t
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-19 00:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have no idea where this came from.
After re-reading it I realize just how sad it is.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-08-19 00:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm with Razor. I hate seeing my name in a story like that.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-08-19 00:35:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really wish I had not read that.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-19 00:27:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was absolutely horrible.
In a good way.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-08-19 00:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written. Shame he died.
Submitted by BadASCII (user info) at 2004-08-19 00:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this was from a movie.
Yeah... I'm pretty sure. It was called "Honey, I sunk the kids."
It gives me ideas. You put the devil in my head! Must go for drive...
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-19 00:04:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have an incredible sadness now Big Fella. Thanks and no thanks to you.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-08-19 00:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A brilliant tragedy.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-08-19 00:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn it.
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-08-19 00:02:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sad story. Very sad.