It’s hard to get anything done around here (856 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.67 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Socky <master_socky.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-19 02:22:58 EDT
Ridiculous, I tell you.
I'm trying to make August "Sock History Month" and it's not going too well so far. I took several major steps in contacting high-government officials to try to get this accomplished. I went to the little government contact webpage and saw this:
Communications With Other Federal Government Agencies
If you have a question about a particular government benefit, program or service, contact FirstGov.gov.
FirstGov.gov is the official U.S. gateway to all government information and is a catalyst for a growing electronic government.
Fuck that. I'm going for the bigs here. I am an empowered sock. My first course of action was to contact the president of the USA itself. He seems like a reasonable guy and all, he could understand my point of view. I mean, he is an oppressed Christian after all.
From: "Socky Sockston" <master_socky.at.hotmail.com>
To: president.at.whitehouse.gov
Subject: Sock History Month!! :-)
Date: Tue, 17 Aug 2004 00:46:54 +0000
Hi Mr. President! My name is Socky Sockston! I know how it feels to be an oppressed person. I happen to be a sock who suffers from an all-too common injustice known as "profiling". That's when people pick out and stereotype others by how they look, in case you didn't know. I want the entire month of August dedicated to we socks. Why, you may ask?
After African Americans were freed from slavery, krackas everywhere often misunderstood them. That's why! So as you can see, I want myself, as well as my people, to be understood by everyone else and accepted.
Sincerely,
Socky
Sent...
I got a very quick response
From: president.at.whitehouse.gov
To: "Socky Sockston" <master_socky.at.hotmail.com>
Subject: re: Sock History Month!! :-)
Date: Tue, 17 Aug 2004 00:46:54 +0000'
Hello Mister or Miss.
Your email has been received. A representative of the president will look closely at your question. It will be noticed and read, though possibly not by the president.
Thank you for writing.
I frowned.
From: "Socky Sockston" <master_socky.at.hotmail.com>
To: president.at.whitehouse.gov
Subject: re: re: Sock History Month!! :-)
Date: Tue, 17 Aug 2004 00:46:54 +0000
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
I knew I could get nowhere this way.
I met up with a nice, happy gentlemen with long greasy brown hair who was smoking something odd.
"Hello sir" I said to him.
"Hey dude." He grinned back at me.
"How's it going?" I asked him.
"Well, well." He nodded his head.
"Would you be at all interested in supporting my Sock Rights movement?"
"Right on brother."
"Is that a yes?"
"What was the question again?"
This was also getting me nowhere.
I was shooting far too low. I took it right to Washington DC. Prepped with my megaphone and signs, I began chanting.
"Free socks everywhere! We have rights too!" I looked around the crowd. "Are you with me?" I yelled at the only woman around who had a stroller. She glanced at me and then sped up her walking. "Peculiar." I mumbled. "This also is getting me nowhere. I threw down the megaphone and called up the stupid hippy.
"Hey, stupid hippy? Yeah, come to Washington DC please, and bring a slingshot."
Several hours later, he arrived more baked than ever. "Hey bro, got the Shingslot." He grinned.
"Thanks...bro." I glared at him. "Now sling me into that window of the Whitehouse." I pointed to the one. He then picked me up and shot me into the window. I landed on the floor of the hallway. I then stood up and looked around.
I saw a big lumbering body coming near me. It was actually former president Clinton!
"Clinton Clinton!" I yelled up at him. He looked around. "Down here!" I waved my face around. A grin spread across his face as he reached down and picked me up.
"Heeeeeey." He said in his usual voice. "A talking sock." He scratched his head.
"Yes sir! Would you like to hear about my sock rights movement?" I asked him.
"Absolutely. Lets go back to my place though." He smiled and jammed me in his pocket.
Ohohoho. I'm not even detailing the sheer level of violation I felt after arriving at his home. I will say I was in the spin cycle for an HOUR after that.
After this little skirmish, I knew what had to be done. I knew I had to go public. Ladies and gentlemen, who wants to stand up next to me and free socks? Free them, as well as myself, from the oppressive grasps of our closed-minded society.
If you work with me, one day we can achieve a free land, where socks and humans can together stand together...
Free.
User Reviews
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-08-19 09:36:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate you Socky you fucking little shit ball!
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-19 09:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Socky has a dream!
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-19 08:51:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Socks are people too!
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-08-19 08:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You mean to imply that slick willie used you in an improper way back at his place?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-19 06:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Socky sucks.
Submitted by Wish_I_Were (user info) at 2004-08-19 04:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
let me guess- you want other privileges, too, huh? like marriage licenses, equal pay, and reparations?
bastard foot apparel.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-08-19 04:07:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
STAND AND DELIVER OH MIGHTY SOCK!
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-08-19 03:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not wearing socks. You and I should get together sometime.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-08-19 03:22:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Voting socks. The time has come.
We just don't want gloves thinking they can try this, next thing you know underwear will want a seat on the bus.....
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-08-19 03:09:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm on board. Socks deserve representation, too.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2004-08-19 03:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I love Socky.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-08-19 02:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I, for one, refuse to let injustice go on longer than it needs to. Sock power!
Submitted by Socky (user info) at 2004-08-19 02:27:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AIM: Master Socky
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