Ass Kicked By a Video Game (613 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.8 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CaptainAmik (View user info) at 2004-08-19 05:29:12 EDT
As I may have mentioned before...I live in a small tourist town during the summers, and with the lack of good bars sometimes we have to make trips to the nearest "big city" in our case...Winnipeg. So 4 of us decide it would be nice to head up to the city, get some drinks hit on women and what not, in a town where we hardly know anyone so we can make asses of ourselves.
9 A.M: Wake up on my friends couch, we are supposed to be on the road for our 2-hour drive across the Ontario, Manitoba border by 10:30...When you make drunken plans, never say 10:30...you'll know why soon enough.
12:45(ish) P.M: By this time, we have already had our showers, shits and shaves, hell we could have played 9 holes of golf however not so fortunate. The story given to us was keys locked in the car, where as we knew it was just lazy fuckers who drank too much the night before and needed their sleep.
1:30 P.M: The drive is winding down we are all getting really bored so then we start to give each other code names, why? I'll tell you, because when you are stuck in a car and the only shit music the driver has is crappy early 90's rap, things get old really fast...For some reason we took the Stifler mentality and just took a wholesome everyday word and stuck some foul cuss in front of it...I got to be Cunt Desk...Yay for me.
-Since I know people hate a lot of reading I will skip a few hours and explanations and sum it up in a nice list:
- Hooters
- Leafs lost to Philly (stupid Philly)
- 120 wings
- 7 Pitchers of Blue
- Huge Tab
- Off To the Next Bar
10ish P.M: We end up at some semi-swank club called Molvados or something and all of a sudden, the rye wizards come out in all of us, we think that double rye cokes are the bee's fuckin' knees right about now.
11 P.M: Ass Kitchen or so he was aptly named for the night, well he's one of those big guys that works out, thinks he is the toughest guy in the world, starts to be a dick around the pool table and is obviously pissing people off...I back away me 180, all the guys he's starting shit with around 250, not my place to be.
12 A.M: I missed a lot as I was talking the hot female bartender, but then all of a sudden..."You're Not So Tough!!!" the words I had been wanting to avoid all night, cause quickly to follow was the bicep kiss...Ass Kitchen was turning out to be "that guy"...So I round up the other 2 (fake names escaping me right now) and we go to grab poor Ass Kitchen who is being walked into a corner.
12:30 A.M: Shit gets sorted out a little, for some reason I am now wearing some gay fucking tie, I still don't know how and we are walking out the door when I hear "Hey that's my tie", once again I will admit I am not the biggest guy, so I hand back the tie and then two sounds are heard behind me...One Ass Kitchen is sent flying into 3 tables taking everything chairs, people, drink all down with him, then out of the corner of my eye Sound 2, the guy whose couch I woke up on this morning gets his head pounded into a Golden Tee Machine, now I have two unconscious friends and guys running out the door.
12:34 A.M: 4 Cop Cars, and Ambulance, and a Fire truck...good old Winnipeg, the boys get their $518 Dollar cab rides, me and the other guy go for a coffee, then call a cab to pick them up.
1:30 A.M: Grab the guys at the hospital where they claim not knowing what happened, get our cab to take us back to our car...where apparently we are sleeping tonight...*RING* *RING* AHHHHHH (sigh of relief) look at the caller ID on my cell, a girl I know who is in the city just happens to call..."Boy's Watch This" I proclaimed with vigor. (Conversation Roughly as follows)
Cunt Desk: "Hey What's Up?"
Girl: "Nothing what are you doing?"
Cunt Desk: "We're in a cab can we stay at your place?"
Girl: "What?"
Cunt Desk: "Yeah there was a bar fight, got some concussions here"
Girl: "I'll check" (she lives with her parents)
Girl: "Yeah just be really quiet"
Cunt Desk: "Thanks Baby"
Time Has Eluded Me: Get to her place, get everyone a bed, I stay in her room not to the liking of her parents; wake up and the guys are just waking up when I get back downstairs...
Ass Kitchen: "What happened?"
Non-concussion Friend: "You got knocked out and went to the hospital"
Ass Kitchen: "What? Really? Bullshit...Wait wait wait, start at the beginning"
Non-concussion Friend: "Well first you locked your keys in your car..."
Ass Kitchen: "Awwww Fuck You"
Needless to say a good weekend, just watch out for the Golden Tee Machines in the bars, apparently they pack a mean punch.
User Reviews
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-19 15:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cunt Desk...Ass Kitchen...good stuff
Submitted by CaptainAmik (user info) at 2004-08-19 14:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yea good old K-town
Submitted by Original_Aboriginal (user info) at 2004-08-19 11:56:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've been a Pegger for the summer and lived here for the better part of a year. I'd have to say if you hit any Earls in the city, you're gonna see the nicest lineup of hot waitress-ass anywhere.
Are you from Kenora?
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-19 11:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Cunt Desk and Ass Kitchen
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-08-19 11:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
never have i seen a place with such amazing talent as the earl's on portage in winnipeg. i've been to montreal and i live in vancouver, both places have more than enough talent....but that earl's... amazing. i eat there at least half of my evenings when i'm in town for work.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-19 08:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Solid 0
Submitted by Rainer (user info) at 2004-08-19 07:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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