Hitler vs Guido Princess: Round 1 (1276 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.18 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Adolf Hitler <Women are Pigs> (View user info) at 2004-08-20 05:10:47 EDT
I had off from work today and was trying to live out my Playboy Mansion fantasy by spending the morning in my bed in my silk bathrobe and empty pipe, reading the business section of the paper while staring with disgust at the eggs Dolores made for breakfast. She left at around 10:30 to get her hair done and her nails "filled," whatever that means. In other words, she was out gallivanting with my Visa debit card. A typical Thursday.
So I'm looking at my eggs, and trying to figure out how the hell it is possible for a broad to screw up over easy when the phone rings. I picked up and lo and behold it was my bank, wanting to let me know that the afternoon before, a withdrawal had been made in the amount of $2,075.
I immediately dumped my eggs on my comforter for Dolores to clean later.
I waited patiently, pipe in hand, for her to arrive.
3 hours later she did, with newly poofed do and newly fuschia-ed nails.
I'll cut to the big fight scene.
The dumb cunt apparently lent my Visa to her freaking mother to buy her father Phil a mother fucking sound system for his Porsche.
"I didn't know how much it was going to cost!"
BullSHIT. I told her how it was and threw a roll of paper towels at her head, telling her to clean up my eggs. She did. Really slowly. I swear to god, there's something wrong with her. I called her a retard, and she flipped out, arms in the air, tears streaming down her face, her makeup.... Wait a minute. Nothing was smearing. Dolores likes to wear heavy eyeliner and fake lashes and all that stupid shit, mostly because she's a fucking slore, and has my money to play with for that shit. But all issues aside, her makeup should have been running all over the place like it normally does when I'm right and she knows it.
The bitch got TATTOOED EYELINER. WHAT THE FUCK.
I grabbed her by her hair and sat on her, staring dubiously at her face.
UnbeFUCKINGlievable.
So now my wallet is $2,075 lighter, there's eggs on the bed, and my dumb bitch of a girlfriend looks like Cleopatra.
I threw her Gucci "steamer trunk" out the fucking door. I was going to light it on fire but that shit's expensive as fuck. I was also going to drop kick Dolor out the door as well, but didn't want to wrinkle my robe.
Dumb bitch.
Yeah. So I didn't kick her out, opting instead to just make her my fucking slave. She actually cleaned and shit (SHOCKER). Probably because she knows if she pisses me off she's going to feel my right hand across her thick skull. I am limiting her use of my money now, and am only giving her $200 a month allowance, as opposed to the previous $400. This gives her enough gas money to NEVER BE HERE, but not enough so that she can be home enough time to fuck up my eggs and tell me what a brute I am.
She's going to turn me gay.
Oh god, don't get me started on fags.
User Reviews
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-02-25 23:59:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i searched for "guido" and this came up. i forgot about this post. fucking riot, it is.
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2004-08-21 17:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-08-20 11:28:02 (#)
Ranking: -2
In other words, she was out gallivanting with my Visa debit card.
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For someone with as much money as you claim to have, you'd think you could at least get yourself a REAL credit card, instead of a Visa Light.
You suck
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He sucks? Tell me, if he has money, why the hell would he need a credit card when the money could be subracted from his checking account? You know, REAL money. I'm thoroughly convinced that owning credit cards are either for college kids or poor people that are ashamed of what they are and live their life on credit so they can keep up. Creatins.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-21 14:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by A_Hitler (user info) at 2004-08-20 18:09:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Is there any way to undo tattooed face shit?
Because it's really starting to creep me out.
Seriously what can she do to make it go back to normal.
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I'm afraid the only solution is to beat it out of her.
Here's a pity +2 for getting married. I'd tell you to divorce her, but she'd end up with all of your money, your car, and your house. You might have to take out a big insurance policy and off her.
Seriously, with that kind of money, what are you thinking by getting married.
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2004-08-21 10:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey fuckwad, your broad is probably contemplating killing you with the guy she's fucking on the side. Seriously, it's going to be like that nicole kidman movie. And if she pisses you off so much, next time you fuck her, donkey punch the bitch, you win twice!
Submitted by l-ryd (user info) at 2004-08-21 10:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You know I would love to meet her
Romance her and fuck her raw
I would have her leave a door open and I would creep in late at night
Then i would tie you up, beat you stupid and have you watch me and your wife fuck like animals
Then we'd get your cards, your cash, your car, anything valuable and of course
you penis...she'll most likely convince me not to set you on fire
Before we left wed both shit on your rug and feed you a mouthful
woman beatin bitch!
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-08-21 06:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A word of advice: make sure your wife keeps account of every dollar of the allowance you give her. Ask her for all the receipts at the end of the month, and if there is more than a dollar unaccounted for, beat her. Those dollars add up to bus tickets, even air tickets to women's shelters across the country. You will have a hard time beating her when she is in one of those.
Submitted by Pooz (user info) at 2004-08-21 06:10:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-21 00:13:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ummm... strangely it wasn't that bad...
Submitted by ofMontreal (user info) at 2004-08-20 22:22:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ToxicNarcotic (user info) at 2004-08-20 22:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
suck a dick
Submitted by A_Hitler (user info) at 2004-08-20 18:09:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is there any way to undo tattooed face shit?
Because it's really starting to creep me out.
Seriously what can she do to make it go back to normal.
Submitted by A_Hitler (user info) at 2004-08-20 15:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
RIGHT, like I'm going to give the cunt my $25,000 limit Mastercard.
Idiot.
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-08-20 11:28:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
In other words, she was out gallivanting with my Visa debit card.
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For someone with as much money as you claim to have, you'd think you could at least get yourself a REAL credit card, instead of a Visa Light.
You suck.
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-08-20 09:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-20 07:06:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-20 05:51:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as all hell
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-20 05:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaahahah
Submitted by A_Hitler (user info) at 2004-08-20 05:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
She didn't even hint that she got it done. I saw her last night when she got home, at which point I was in fucking bed. And I try not to look at her in the morning because she looks like death. She actually thought she could get away with it.
-2 for her. I'm going to make her read this shit so she cries.