Paperweights and other pointless gifts - a rant (or tirade, if you prefer) (570 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chris Walmsley <jazzytrumpetguy.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-20 06:02:14 EDT
Is it just me, or are paperweights possibly the most pointless thing ever?
I mean, i know they supposedly HAVE a purpose, to hold down paper - the clue's in the name(!) - but does anyone actually use these strange inventions? I can confidently say that in my entire life (I'm 20) I've never used a paperweight, despite having worked in offices for 2 summers and being a university student the rest of the time. On the rare occasions that I do need to hold down some paper (due to the freak weather conditions that sometimes do occur in our hermetically sealed, air-conditioned office), i just use the first reasonably weighted object to hand (a mouse, a mobile phone, a small child named Lawrence...although i've always wondered what he's doing around the office in the first place....) rather than keep a piece of equipment for the sole purpose of filling this rather mundane task. And yet people persist in buying, owning and giving these mysterious objects!
If you really need a paperweight, why spend ANY money on a shiny lump of polished rock with nice things etched into the surface, or a solid gold paperweight studded with rubies and perforated with streaks of sapphire (OK I made that one up) when a simple brick will suffice? That is assuming, of course, that your desk DOESN'T have a suitably weighted object or small child named Lawrence (although a child with another name could work in a pinch) in the nearby vicinity...which lets face it, is unlikely.
It is my conclusion that paperweights are another travesty perpetrated by the gifts industry, for when people feel they have to buy someone a present, but don't really know them well enough to buy them anything meaningfull (or just can't be bothered to think about what the recipient might actually like)...
"Uh, well, I know you..um..use paper, so I thought you might like this paperweight"
"Oh, great, thanks, i'm sure that'll be *really* useful" <fake smile of gratitude while visions of bloody murder dance just behind your eyes>
I use toilet roll too, why not give me a decorative toilet roll holder? (actually that'd be better, must look into that..)
The only solace that can be gained from this situation is that the paperweight should hopefully have enough weight to be useful as a blunt instrument to bludgeon the hapless gift-giver into unconciousness, to allow them time out to think long and hard about what they've done (possible brain damage notwithstanding).
So my (rather long-winded) message to you is END THIS MADNESS! Don't give paperweights to friends, colleages, family as presents, and if one of these people tries to give YOU one, smile politely and decline/insert the said paperweight strategically so that only the most invasive surgery will be able to locate and remove it - its your call...
Next time.....Letter-openers
User Reviews
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-08-24 08:08:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For submitting the same thing twice.
Submitted by Cymak (user info) at 2004-08-20 07:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Your boss makes an excellent paperweight. That's really all he/she's qualified for, anyway.
Submitted by RateBot (user info) at 2004-08-20 06:12:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Paperweights and letter openers can be used to hurt someone in your building.Try it.