Lifes Evil Tricks (1070 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.27 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stan<juggalo44.at.mad.scientist.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-21 03:57:10 EDT
Often times we find ourselves in situations where we look up and say, "Why this, why know?" I have compiled a list of situations that piss me off in life.
1. You are at the movies with a beautiful girl and all of a sudden the worst possible thing happens, you have to shit. It's not that nagging feeling in your stomach that tells you it's coming. It's more like a fire has been lit from the inside that tells you to get the fuck up and go. "I have to go to the bathroom, tell me what happens." You now know that you have to play it off as if you went and peed, which means you have to find a stall quickly and go. No fucking around here. You run in, push with all your might, wipe as much as possible, wash your hands, and get back asap. You sit back down and get informed on what you missed, only to find yourself squirming and sweating five minutes later. You have to go again and you have no more excuses.
2. You go to get some Chinese food, not being very hungry but knowing it is the time of day to eat. You walk in and can't decide through all the choices, so you opt for the buffet. Fuck it, you can have a little of everything. You risk your life fighting with fat woman over the last scoop of sesame chicken only to realize that you were too full for the second plate. Fast forward to an hour in the future, you are hungry again, not just hungry but starving and the restaraunt didn't let you take home a doggie bag because you ordered the buffet. Time to go to McDonald's.
3. You bring a girl home with you. You know the nookie juice is about to start flowing. You figure that it is your first time with this babe and you want to be at top performance, so you convince her to go down. First shot and the bases are loaded, it's time to get down to business. Only, wait, you realize that you have gone a little soft. No problem, right? Just play a good game of tongue and clitoris hockey. Build up that stamina, it's perfectly ok and foreplay is almost always preferred. So, you are rock hard again. The moment of truth is before you. Penetrate, extract, penetrate, extract....Oh no, what's going on? She's gonna blow, Captain and we can not stop her. Now, you have cum twice and she hasn't even broken a sweat. Talk about disappointment. No repeat visits from her, not even with a promise that next time will be better.
4. You take your car into the shop for a simple procedure, like inspection or getting your oil changed. Everything was all gravy when you brought it in but the mechanics seem to think the struts and the cv joints are going out. It won't be a problem to fix if you have $800 handy. You laugh and say "I will fix it later." As you pull out of the parking lot, your car bursts into flames and before you can get out, it explodes. Ambulances ,cops, and fire trucks are everywhere but you wouldn't know because you are flying through the air, following a little girl dressed in a Catholic school uniform as she leads you to a bright light or something to that affect.
Peace,
STREETPUNK
User Reviews
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-08-25 10:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My car exploded just yesterday.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-22 17:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
nookie juice? hahahaha!
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2004-08-22 17:09:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have never had any of these problems.
Then again, I have not yet had a woman that could satisfy me. Seriously.
Submitted by OICU812 (user info) at 2004-08-22 17:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Lifes" = -2
Submitted by dirty_gook (user info) at 2004-08-21 15:39:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Munkeypants told me that she'd give me 5 pieces of pez candy if I link my post to all the posts.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/42478
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-08-21 14:05:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Streetpunk is back hallelujah!!!!!!
Submitted by now_thats_doom (user info) at 2004-08-21 05:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah, thats so true. Especially how on the cum one, once I was on a date and ended up cumming twice and my guy wouldnt even let out once, I mean honestly, I was giving him head, hand jobs, all that shit, and nothing, anyways he ended up jacking off, it was so akward yet we're still going out.
Submitted by RateBot (user info) at 2004-08-21 04:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Number one is all too real.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-08-21 04:35:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2004-08-21 04:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks Godchicken....the band has been a little shakey the past few weeks. We got kicked out of our practice space and looking to go somewhere else. i am thinking about just going solo though because then I get to be in charge.
Thanks Val...I know which donuts you speak of and they do, indeed, rock!
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-08-21 04:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Can't say any but the 3rd has ever happened to me. But it most certainly pisses me off.
Nice to see you back online again. How is music/band going?
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-21 04:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was at a Chinese buffet a few weeks ago where I had "Chinese donuts."
Oh.My.God.So.Fucking.Good.
And now I want pork friend rice.
Great.