Canada vs. USA pt. 3016: It's finally over! (634 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.6 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MisterCeltic (View user info) at 2004-08-21 15:42:39 EDT
As a faithful Uber-lurker I have witnessed more than my share of Canada vs. US posts, we have all surfed through the myriad of posts on our search for clarity. I come to Uber for the simplest of reasons, the same reason most of the Uber-population is here; I need an anonymous poster to tell me what to think, I need the kind of guidance that only unrestrained sarcasm and undisguised stupidity can provide. Uber you have let me down, failed me in my most desparate hour, sppt! I spit at your feet. It is from the ashes of Bart's grand experiment that I rise, a veritable pheonix of illumination here to provide much needed knowledge to the masses. Sit back, take a deep breath and prepare to be enlightened.
We have heard all the long, protracted socio-political arguments over the differences in the health care systems. We have listened while global defense positions were debated. The responses to Uber-surveys regarding beer quality, female citizens willingness to take it in the pooper, and the relative irratation factor of local accents have been overwhelming. The commitment on the part of Ubersite to reach a final, clear and decisive outcome is nothing short of miraculous... but our search has been fruitless. We know that:
- 90% of Canadians are gay
- all Americans are fat and stupid
- Canadian womens vaginers have teeth
- George Bush is the anti-christ
- Celine Dion should be shot
- Americans are puppets of big business
- Canadians replaced father, son, holy ghost with Tim Horton, Wayne Gretzky and Shania Twain; fucking heathens!
- it is okay to shoot you neighbour south of the border (the Canada-US border, not the coloquial south of the border, that's wrong everywhere)
While each of these statements is true, the sum total is still the same; a hopeless deadlock. If only one of these countries stepped up and showed some proverbial sack, took the moose by the horns and showed the opposing country it meant business!! A savior has arrived and like such great Canadian heroes as Billy Bishop, Sir John A MacDonald and that lovable whore Laura Secord, he was drunk and in the grip of insomnia induced paranoia when clarity reached him.
Adrian Poffley was sitting in his igloo in Kitchener, Ontario (home of world's second largest Oktoberfest, mmmm beer) drunk off Labatt Blue and the fumes from his gas generator when he decided that it was time to stand up for the innocents of the world. Passing up the typical choices of environmental protection or food aid for developing countries Mr. Poffley decided to take up a cause that effects us all, that dirty she-male Michael Jackson. Adrian Poffley decided that
e-mailing death threats to Jacko at the Santa Barbara court house was an appropriate course of action. It took a day for local authorities to trace the message and arrest our newest national treasure.
Canadians may be willing to allow terrorists through our borders, encourage the shooting of Native Canadian protesters or the over fishing of the Atlantic coast but we will not stand for any white skinned, black guys with a womans hairdo to fondle little kids while their unsuspecting parents ride the Tickle-coaster with Bubbles. Don't make us come down there and sort your shit out!
Not only do we care for our own, but at 5 in the morning we're willing to protect the children, via e-mail, of the very country we compete with in an Uber-showdown. The triumph is complete, there is no further debate!
Free Adrian Poffley! Free Adrian Poffley! Free Tommy Chong! Free Adrian Poffley!
User Reviews
Submitted by RateBot (user info) at 2004-08-22 01:27:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bubbles kicks ass
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-22 01:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-08-21 16:00:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anything that is this something has got to be +2 worthy.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-08-21 15:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I skimmed this, but what I saw was funny.
Submitted by dirty_gook (user info) at 2004-08-21 15:44:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Munkeypants told me that she'd give me 5 pieces of pez candy if I link my post to all the posts.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/42478