Playing the stereotypes -or- I've got your 'grass' right here. (521 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.43 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <Dutch Bastard> (View user info) at 2004-08-21 16:06:02 EDT
The world is full of stereotypes.
Blondes are dumb.
Blacks steal your car.
Latino's steal jobs.
And the Texans are cowboys.
And so on.
Across the big pond, that is Europe, we got our own.
Belgians are dumb, just like blondes.
Maroccans steal your car.
Turks steal your job.
And the Dutch sell drugs and don't like to spend money.
Now I don't have a problem with stereotypes. Hey, if someone thinks I sell drugs and don't like to spend my profits, then so be it. But it gets old, real old after a while.
Holland ain't a big country, so for a holiday the natural thing is to spend it on the other side of the border. But where ever I go, people ask me where I'm from. So I say I'm from Holland. Most of the time a little smile grows on the face of the other person. Then they ask: "where do you live?". Well, I happen to live in a small town aprox. ten miles north of Amsterdam.
Now I ask you, what is the third question such a person would ask?
a) Do you own wooden-shoes?
b) Do you live in a wind-mill?
c) Do you've got some weed for me?
If your answer is c, you think the same as about 99% of the worlds population.
Back to my vacation story...
So I'm with my parents heading for France. One thing to note, I love the country, I really do. But one thing bothers me: the French. The French language was a course you were required to take for the first three years in school, and I hated the language (coincidentally, the teacher hated me). The French invented the language so like the 16 year old kid I was I naturally blamed the French and had reason enough to hate them.
Luckily France is a popular vacation destination so there were lots of other Dutch kids to hang out with. It was one of the best holidays I ever spend. We played Soccer daily agains the local kids who, every time they got beat in the game, came back with older kids the following afternoon.
If there is one thing we are good at as a collective, then it is at partying. There we were, Dutch kids from every walk of life having a blast. I never drank beer until that vacation. And I loved beer, still do actually. So the more the better. I've been sick because I was sooooo drunk those weeks. It was good! The bad thing was, it was supposed to be quiet at eleven.
Fuck it, we are the Dutch! And so we partied on till one, two or three in the morning. The people at the tavern didn't mind at first, so long as we payed for the drinks.
So this went on for a week or so, even the French kids came out of their hiding places to party with the Dutch kids. Hey, I was starting to like these kids.
That soon changed when they started to call us names, thinking we didn't understand them. Too bad, the French might REFUSE to ever speak another language, we do. So some of us more able French speaking Dutchies decided we didn't like what they said. Which resulted in a fight nearly breaking out. Bad mistake, because the kids' parents work at the resort.
Now this notion might seems trivial, but I'm getting to the point later on in this nonsense story.
A few nights went on and suddenly, one night the camping organisation just had enough, and decided to let the guards loose on us. In the EU it's illegal to use tasers, which can lead up to a few nights in jail when you get caught.
Where was I? Oh yes, the GUARDS with TASERS.
We Dutch might be a close group, but we run like hell in every direction when someone is coming at you when the weapons get out.
Sadly I missed this adventure because I was out at the next resort with a few friends who were staying there, in a very drunk state I might add.
So I come back, later that night to find the 'drinking spot' completly deserted and the tavern closed. So off to bed then.
Mother was there, waiting with some of the other parents.
"Waar was je in hemelsnaam?" (In English: Where the hell where you at?)
"I was at some friends place." I replied with slurred speach. Hey, I was still drunk remember?
"Your dad is looking all over for you."
"Yeah, well I'm off to bed!"
Soon afterwards I passed out. It appeared good old dad was looking with some other dads for me in the French town. They came back soon after me, not that I ever noticed.
It got to our attention that the French kids who we were having trouble with convinced their parents to do something about us. We got this information because on of the Dutch girls in our group was getting real friendly with a French kid. That whore... But the information was well received. It was decided that we had no contact with the little bastards whatsoever. The plan went smoothly and we had no more trouble. Eventually the French kids became very friendly and contact was restored. All was forgiven.
Yet I still hated the French.
Then the day came when one of them, a rather nice looking girl, asked where we were all from in Holland. I noticed not many kids lived anywhere near Amsterdam so that left me as the only possible suspect for some typecasting by those little bastards. And yes, the question came.
"Do you got some.... ghow do you say eh... pot? Weed? Grass?"
Then the idea came to me...
'Grass'
Okay, here was my dillema, she looked nice. But she was French. She looked damn HOT! But she was French.
I can be quite a stubborn bastard when I want so I said:
"Sure, you want some?"
Of course she did! I told her that they had to come back tomorrow if she wanted some. Going out for 100 Francs a bag. Now 100 Francs was about 17,50 Guilder. About 9 Dollars. And for a 16 year old kid 9 dollars the bag is a lot. Especially when you consider 1 liter of beer costing exactly 100 Francs.
I had it all planned. I would take some ordinary grass, grind it up some and sell it the next night, the last night of my vacation here in France. Oh joy.
The deal went of without a hitch, I got my money, which was about 500 Francs so the drinks were on me. The night went on and soon everyone parted with what he or she wanted.
The next day we packed our bags and drove of. We took the car home and suddenly my mom had to buy something in town.
Fuck!
It was not a big town, if I was spotted I would be in big shit.
Then I saw the girl who I sold some, she didn't notice me. I sank a bit deeper in my seat, to absolutly avoid all detection. My parents came back and started the old Ford.
Minutes later I waved back at the old town.
God I love the French!
User Reviews
Submitted by abefroman42 (user info) at 2004-11-09 17:52:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
derka derka derka. muhammad (-2) jihad.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-22 11:15:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I need an interpreter...aisle 2 please.
And a price check on the Saty Free Maxi Pads.
Submitted by genocidic001 (user info) at 2004-08-22 10:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't let these morons get you down about your english. I understood the story and I thought it was good. That's all that should matter anyway.
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-08-22 10:23:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
utter shite
Submitted by Titan (user info) at 2004-08-22 10:00:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
damn my grandparents are both dutch equating me to being half dutch.
i hear in smart shops you can pick up shrooms.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-21 23:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like the Dutch. Hell, my fiance is Dutch. So this is in no way any kind of attack on the Dutch.
You really, really need to improve your english writing skills.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-21 22:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"Do you've got some weed for me?"
Take out the contraction and you've just said "Do you have got some weed for me?"
Way to go. Now go stick your finger in a dyke. And don't give me any crap about English not being your first language. We speak it here.
(no -2 since the french deserve being sold fake weed)
Submitted by LexLutherin (user info) at 2004-08-21 17:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great Story!
Submitted by dirty_gook (user info) at 2004-08-21 16:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Munkeypants told me that she'd give me 5 pieces of pez candy if I link my post to all the posts.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/42478