The Dreaded Hypothetical Question(s) (1436 hits)
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Submitted by russizm (View user info) at 2004-08-23 16:16:37 EDT
The Dreaded Hypothetical Question(s)
It usually only takes about five or ten minutes after sex for the questions to start coming. Don't get me wrong, you must be prepared for them at all times.
That's right, hypothetical questions. Not only hypothetical, but super hypothetical. These aren't normal inquires, like "What would happen if I broke your laptop?" (Fucking break some shit) They are questions about situations or problems that aren't humanly possible. "If I committed suicide and came back to life, would you forgive me?"
...
What am I supposed to say to something like that? Responding the wrong way can ruin the nice peacefulness of lying down and catching your breath after sex. Whenever a question like that is posed to me, I pretend to be asleep. When that doesn't work (that never works) I answer the best to my ability. Below is a list of questions asked by my girlfriend over the past few years.
"What would you do if...
...you couldn't get me wet?"
...my arms and legs fell off?"
...we got married in Japan and had to eat with chop sticks?"
...you went to hell and I went to heaven?"
...I had no vagina lips?"
...I turned into an animal?"
...the only food in the world was coconuts?"
...all the trees became extinct?"
...music didn't exist?"
...the Eagles won the Super Bowl?"
And my replies:
Tell your doctor.
What the fuck?
Learn how...
Enjoy the river Styx.
Close my eyes.
What kind?
...
Joan, we would die.
Make some.
That will never happen.
The vagina is a double crossing bitch. It will give you the greatest physical pleasure and then turn around and give you the biggest headache for thinking about the stupidest fucking questions.
Joan, when you read this, you know I still love you, right? RIGHT?!
...I probably won't get any play tonight.
User Reviews
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2004-08-23 17:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YUP.
Here's a good one to give her in return.
How do you know when it's time to find a new bagina?
Submitted by Rach at 2004-08-23 16:45:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh, Been there
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-08-23 16:34:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Stupid questions.
Submitted by russizm (user info) at 2004-08-23 16:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I need direction.
Submitted by dirty_gook (user info) at 2004-08-23 16:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Communism party Marx Frank Engel.