Sofaism, the final religion. (449 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.56 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sofa_God (View user info) at 2004-08-23 20:42:05 EDT
There is on truth, and I know it. I have the answers that the great minds of the world have been seeking for decades. Unfortunately, the devil has control of me, so I can't just tell you the truth, you have to earn it.
You see, the devil put a curse on me (the last prophet), so that The truth could only be revealed to my followers through fellatio. It's sad, I know, but I must do what I must to spread the gospel.
The women who see the truth, it happens as soon as my gospel gets ejaculated all in their mouths, understand what a sacred thing it is, and so, want to keep it secret, so any girl you ask about sucking my Truth-wand will undoubtedly lie and tell you something like "nothing happened. My mouth just tasted salty and little sperms swam down my throat".
The girls who know the truth are greedy, and want to horde it for themselves. But me? I'm generous. It's one of the attributes of being a prophet. To counter act the selishness of the girls I've enlightened so far, I've decided that I will spread Truth to as many consenting women of legal age as I can. Even if I have to have my righteous wang sucked by every girl in the world, that's just the sacrificing I'm willing to do. From the nastiest, most syphlitic hooker, to your mom, all will taste my jizz of truth. I'm a humanitarian.
Fellas, you may be asking yourself "well what can I do to help the cause?" that is easy. If you have a sister, girlfriend, wife, hot mother, any such female relation, you send her over to be enlightened. If the only girls you know are online (probably most of you reading this), you can send monetary donations. It's a full time job being a prophet, and it doesn't pay well. I accept cash only.
Also, since my oral injection of truth is the last batch that God is going to mix up, I am going o be the last prophet. Suck now, for the end is nigh.
User Reviews
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-24 06:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2004-08-24 06:06:30 (#)
Ranking: -2
Here is a +2 for...WHOOPS!...I dropped it in the gutter..... Oh well,... have this -2 instead...
==========================================
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. best review i've seen in a while.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2004-08-24 06:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Here is a +2 for...WHOOPS!...I dropped it in the gutter..... Oh well,... have this -2 instead...
Submitted by Doskey (user info) at 2004-08-24 05:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The next time you get blown will be the first time.
Asswipe.
Submitted by Alithewonderllama (user info) at 2004-08-24 01:17:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
er, no thanks
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-24 00:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I thought it was funny.
Submitted by RateBot (user info) at 2004-08-23 21:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-08-23 21:38:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hafta shit.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-08-23 21:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, thanks! :)
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-08-23 21:04:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
'Suck now for the end is nigh'
I've used that and it works.