Completely Irrelevant Concepts II (622 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.62 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by sketch9 (View user info) at 2004-08-24 01:30:30 EDT
I know, I know, Im clogging up the front page. Oh well. Sue me.
Anyway, as i have just smoked a large bowl of sticky weed, I figured I should inform all you Uberers out there on exactly what I'm thinking.
#1) Forks should have the same shaped curve, no matter the brand. Or maker. Or whatever a fork making company is called. Imagine the possibilities: your silverware drawer would be in a great state of cleanliness. Spoons dont have this problem because they're basically all the same anyway (save soup spoons), so why not the forks? it just makes sense. Butter knives are flat, they dont need it either.
#2) What the fuck is lettuce? A leatuce head? Is it really just a big ball of leaves? What the fuck good is that to the plant? It would only be able to use the outside leaves. Was it genetically modified in the 50's, perhaps due to some sort of underground nuclear testing? Were there giant bugs controlling the government, and covering it up at the same time? If so, why bugs? Couldnt be advanced fish or anything? And really, what does this have to do with lettuce?
#3) On the subject of plants and their edible parts, does anyone else think that the Pomegranate is an alien species? Look at that fruit. Well, its a giant seed chamber. And you eat the seeds. Which have fruit in them. And juice.
I'll defend my point, I'll defend it all night.
Pomegranate's No good. That plant is not right.
It's an alien seedpod, that falls to the ground.
And when torn, makes a thick fleshy ripping sound.
Its not a real plant! Its a genetic mutation!
It has no proof, or history of Earthly creation!
What other plants look like it does?
Its from somewhere else. Somewhere up above.
And i just wrote a song about Pomegranates being alien plants.
#4) If you really truly beleive in evolution, and all the levels of life, using a pencil with a carbon tip could be conceivably writing with part of yourself. We are all carbon based life forms, and if its not the base of the living thing that defines it, then what is? Like a basic ingredient in a cake or something. Its the difference between chocolate and strawberry and pineapple upside down. Oh god, im so ripped.
#5) I have a long list of disclaimers on my door. I cut it out of some magazine. It listed every disclaimer i could think of and some that i couldnt. It's two pages long. Hidden within the ten point print is a message. Well, many. The point is not the messages, the point is that i read through two pages of one-line quasi-sentences. Smoke a bowl and try it. It was like mental torture.
#6) +2's for... well, for as long as i remember to anyone who can tell me where this line is from.
"That's the AK-47, the very best there is. When you absolutely, positively, gotta kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitute."
#7) We dont need no steenking badges.
#8) Nobody's gonna read this, cuz im putting it up at 1 AM.
User Reviews
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-08-24 14:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no, really. i am just some baked loser.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-24 06:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2004-08-24 06:29:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you dont understand there are people in different time zones...
and freaks like me who are up all night reading wonderful ubers like this
it would have been better if you didnt mention that you were stoned so much, though. it makes it seem less interesting and crazy, and more.. some baked loser.
Submitted by Kellio (user info) at 2004-08-24 06:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamn that was random! Kudos for the Samuel L Jackson line from Jackie Brown.
Submitted by lux78 (user info) at 2004-08-24 03:43:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Christ your stoned, hit that bowl for me.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-24 03:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jackie Brown, and Samuel L Jackon said it. I know Slypher beat me, but I should get recognition for additional information.
Oh, and I liked your incoherent babbling.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-08-24 02:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
EDIBPLE PARTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-08-24 02:20:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2. Keep on smoking, I am enjoying reading your stuff.
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-08-24 01:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jackie Brown, how hard was that?
Remember, bitch, +2's for life.
That was a promise.
Submitted by Prolisio at 2004-08-24 01:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I had shit that good.
+1 for good shit. +1 for mentioning crystals.
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-08-24 01:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i just realized i spelled lettuce right, then two words later, i fucked it up.