Gay Porn or Paperweights? I know which I'd prefer... (404 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.78 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chris Walmsley <jazzytrumpetguy.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-24 05:12:47 EDT
Is it just me, or are paperweights possibly the most pointless thing ever?
I mean, i know they supposedly HAVE a purpose, to hold down paper - the clue's in the name(!) - but does anyone actually use these strange inventions? I can confidently say that in my entire life (I'm 20) I've never used a paperweight, despite having worked in offices for 2 summers and being a university student the rest of the time. On the rare occasions that I do need to hold down some paper (due to the freak weather conditions that sometimes do occur in our hermetically sealed, air-conditioned office), i just use the first reasonably weighted object to hand (a mouse, a mobile phone, a small child named Lawrence...although i've always wondered what he's doing around the office in the first place....) rather than keep a piece of equipment for the sole purpose of filling this rather mundane task. And yet people persist in buying, owning and giving these mysterious objects!
If you really need a paperweight, why spend ANY money on a shiny lump of polished rock with nice things etched into the surface, or a solid gold paperweight studded with rubies and perforated with streaks of sapphire (OK I made that one up) when a simple brick will suffice? That is assuming, of course, that your desk DOESN'T have a suitably weighted object or small child named Lawrence (although a child with another name could work in a pinch) in the nearby vicinity...which lets face it, is unlikely.
It is my conclusion that paperweights are another travesty perpetrated by the gifts industry, for when people feel they have to buy someone a present, but don't really know them well enough to buy them anything meaningfull (or just can't be bothered to think about what the recipient might actually like)...
"Uh, well, I know you..um..use paper, so I thought you might like this paperweight"
"Oh, great, thanks, i'm sure that'll be *really* useful" <fake smile of gratitude while visions of bloody murder dance just behind your eyes>
I use toilet roll too, why not give me a decorative toilet roll holder? (actually that'd be better, must look into that..)
The only solace that can be gained from this situation is that the paperweight should hopefully have enough weight to be useful as a blunt instrument to bludgeon the hapless gift-giver into unconciousness, to allow them time out to think long and hard about what they've done (possible brain damage notwithstanding).
So my (rather long-winded) message to you is END THIS MADNESS! Don't give paperweights to friends, colleages, family as presents, and if one of these people tries to give YOU one, smile politely and decline/insert the said paperweight strategically so that only the most invasive surgery will be able to locate and remove it - its your call...
Next time.....Letter-openers
User Reviews
Submitted by jazzdude (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:11:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry for posting twice....just a little experiment to see if including the words "gay porn" into the title would affect the number of people that clicked on it!
....and to be frank, I don't give a monkeys whether you like the article or not.
Regards
Chris
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-08-24 09:35:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't I read this shit last week?
Uh, no actually, I didn't, because it sucked then, and it sucks even more now.
Submitted by retarded_ape123 (user info) at 2004-08-24 08:55:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by jojojojoan (user info) at 2004-08-24 08:22:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
THANK YOU JERRY SEINFELD!
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-08-24 08:14:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey, where's the gay porn?
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-08-24 08:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For submitting the same thing twice.
Submitted by oddzandendz (user info) at 2004-08-24 07:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A good paperweight could be used to bust someones head wide open.
Submitted by Doskey (user info) at 2004-08-24 05:21:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually, it's very windy in my office.
Submitted by Konerak (user info) at 2004-08-24 05:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting idea, but I think you forgot the ornamental value of the thing. And don't forget the concept of uniqueness (if you give some grass in a small leather pouch to someone, and tell them it's the only one in it's kind and you made it specially for them, they'll love it)
That, and it provides people with an excuse to put more stuff on their desk so they look busy ;)
It's a bit like Antique Languages.. you study Latin.. all you can do with it is become a Latin teacher... and the circle is round :)
Kon
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2004-08-24 05:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why use a paper weight when anything heavy works?
+1 for helping people save money on office supplies.