The joys of playing The Cunt Game at the office... (972 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -0.12 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Midnight_Laydee (View user info) at 2004-08-24 09:20:26 EDT
So there I was, working away and I hit a dead end. Now I could (if I was that bothered) go get someone to sort it out so I can get on with what I'm supposed to be doing (and supposedly getting paid for - if that's what u'd call that lame excuse for a cheque I get at the end of the week) and fulfill my days work...but that's just too much effort when there are stories to be read on Uber!
So I stealthily open the page (not even sure if I'm allowed to use the internet and don't wanna ask in case they say no...at least this way if I get caught I can just say they never told me I couldn't...) and have a look around before getting to a post entitled "Knockoff porn movie titles" by some guy called Razor, and decide it might be funny to see if there's any I haven't heard of...
I have a bit of a chuckle at it, and the comments that follow, and then remember this game we used to play at school, called (imagine a fanfair of trumpets if you will, and a game show host-style call of...)"The Cunt Game"! So I post a comment on Razor's sight and then decide that it'd be kinda funny to revive the game amongst my new workmates.
Now, I'm only a temporary worker here, and I've helped them out of a deep pile of shite work-wise, so guessed it wouldn't do much harm if I introduce a bit of laughter to the place too.
Not all my workmates are what I'd call "relaxed" about that kind of conversation at work though, so I choose my subjects carefully...the guy sat across the desk to my right has a filthy mind so I know it'll be ok by him, and the girl sat on the otherside of the room, but I'm not too sure about everyone else, so I procede with caution.
"Hey, Alan" I say quietly (but not in a whisper, I find that arouses more suspicion and then everyone will be listening)
"Yeah?"
"You ever heard of The Cunt Game?"
"Er, can't say I have...keep talking though."
"Think of any movie or song or TV show title and replace the last word with the word cunt. It's dead funny."
"Ha, so, like...err...Spidercunt 1 and 2?"
"haha, yeah, nice one. Erm, Lord of the Cunts, The Fellowship of the Cunt!"
"What about titles that are just one word?"
"Dunno, they're not so funny I guess, never mind about those"
And so it went on for a couple of minutes, pretend to do a bit of work, throw another funny title across the desk to Alan. It caught on with a couple of other people...well, when I say caught on, I mean they gave a half-hearted laugh whenever we came up with a really good one, but never actually joined in. Then the supervisor came back from lunch and the game stopped, damnit.
I'm still stuck at a dead end with my work at this point and still can't be bothered to get up off my ass and sort it out...noone can see my screen from here anyway, apart from the shemale sat behind me but (s)he's got her/his back to me and keeps jabbering on the phone to someone in some language I ain't got a clue about. So I decide to make a list of all the funnist cunt titles for Uber...this is what I wanna be getting paid for! The list goes back and forth between me and Alan, I put down "Indiana Jones, Raiders of the Lost Cunt, The temple of Cunt, The last Cunt" and he passes back "Reservoir Cunts" and so on.
...it's all going well (despite a few of our chuckles getting the odd sideways-glance from the supervisor) until someone asks me to print off one of my documents about system errors...and yep, have you guessed it? I print off the wrong thing...to the printer that's on the supervisor's own desk...F***ING SODS F***ING LAW!
I realise what I've done and the blood drains from my head, the acid rises in my stomach and my legs take on the consistency of cold, lumpy custard...I jump up from my chair, smack both knees on the desk on the way up and trip over my own lunch bag. There's no time for even a quick "ouch!" or appropriate swear word, I gotta get to that printer before he picks it off and reads it! I stumble round the desk, swerve round the fat guy with B.O. and grease on his chin (seriously, don't even remotely touch that guy or u'd stink all day) and gracefully (cheah, right) leap over Nancy's handbag...only to land on Mark's newspaper...quickly followed by landing on my ass.
Yep, there I was, flat on my back, legs akimbo, knee-length skirt up round my waist and an office-full of people staring (a few even pointing) at me, mouths slightly open, some wearing a what-the-hell-just-happened expression, others more like a ooo-that's-gotta-hurt look.
Shit. That's it. It's all over. The Supervisor is a boring grey man with a mug saying "I love my job" on his desk, he's gonna take one look at the printoff and kick my ass outta town. I was just about to resign myself to the fact that within ten minutes I'd be tidying up my desk, packing my mug into my lunch bag and being escorted off the premises, when an almighty roar of laughter reached my ears from across the office. Thinking it was a goon who's brain worked 20seconds slower than everyone else's and it was a delayed laugh-at-the-girl-on-the-floor, I started to pick myself up and dust myself off. Standing up, however, I was confronted with the supervisor, not red faced with anger as I was expecting, but red faced and watery-eyed from laughing so hard. He had my printoff in his left hand and was clutching his belly with his right, now laughing in that stoopid silent way people do when they don't have the energy to get the sound out anymore (why am I saying it's stoopid, I do that laugh too!?!)
As you can imagine, I was a bit surprised and totally caught off guard to hear the next thing.
"Hahaha! Planet of the Cunts! Hahaha! I get it! I love Ubersite! You gotta post this one! Ha!...Ha!...Ha!" He squeezed out the last couple of Ha's and clapped me on the back so hard I nearly lost my balance again.
I couldn't believe my luck...I was still the Golden Girl of Office temps and am now regularly encouraged to begin a round of The Cunt Game to liven the atmosphere around the place.
Thank f*ck for Ubersite.
User Reviews
Submitted by Dr. Stevenson <dr.stevenson.at.your.mom's.house> at 2004-08-24 15:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
censorship sucks
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-08-24 14:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Arg. I am torn with indecision!
+2 - Funny story
-2 - Terrible writing
Oh well, there certainly some potential there.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-24 13:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
maybe i'm tired, but this seemed very dreary
Submitted by Konerak (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:16:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Not worth reading considering it's length.
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-08-24 10:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wish my boss would find that funny :)
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-08-24 10:33:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
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Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2004-08-24 09:23:38 (#)
Ranking: 1
Thank f*ck for Ubersite.
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So you have no problem with using the word "cunt" but you censor "fuck".
WTF??
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2004-08-24 10:14:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-08-24 09:26:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Try paragraphs.
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2004-08-24 09:23:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Thank f*ck for Ubersite.
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So you have no problem with using the word "cunt" but you censor "fuck".
WTF??