Top 15 Ubersite Users I Would Suck the Piss Out Of - Rev. V with comments! (3712 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.22 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lojo Lojo Lojo (Nah, it's Fetish again.) (View user info) at 2004-08-24 09:25:35 EDT
Even though nobody cares what I think, because this is a blatant attempt to get laid, I'm going to post this list again anyways. I'm sick of beating off to pictures in my Computer Shopper and PC Magazines. Please, give me an email ladies. I may look like a hideous freak (that is why I never camwhore) but I believe my 3 inch dick is sure to please.
Ahem... Now onto some scientific mumbo jumbo that nobody cares about also.
I based my score by taking the distance to earth and multiplying it by the square root of 9. We have 9 planets in the solar system, not including a possible planet X that surely exists that I will prove with scientific data soon enough. I take that number and multiply that against the user number of the user and divide it by 3. (The size of my penis). Then I subtract the number of negative ratings they have, add how many hits their posts got, and finally I came up with the following list.
#1 kristen (3229) Score: 32,393,102
Picture 1: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1071601045258016280/1/laughing.jpg
Picture 2: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1066727066993122851/1/KLB.jpg
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=3229
I am so enamored with this person I named myself after her. If she saw how vile my appearance is in real life she would spontaneously vomit and jump off a tall building to get away from my hideous face. But, I still long for this beautiful girl whom I do not deserve to lick the mud off the tires of her car.
#2 AlwaysAnEagle (3399) Score: 29,203,102
Picture: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1077485508109128800/1/Josie.JPG
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=3399
"Lock it up, soldier! Now drop and give me 20! Well, if I said that to her she would probably pummel me into the middle of next week and because I am weak I will sustain heavy injuries. I have a calcium deficiency that allows my bones to break when struck with even a soft blow.
#3 Circe (6307) Score: 27,002,102
Picture 1: http://temp.bumtasticq.servebeer.com:3600/uberpost/6307a.jpg
Picture 2: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1087214062630318930/1/Bookjacket.jpg
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=6307
I have currently decided that this individual is one I will drool over and hit on daily as well. Do I have a shot? Online, yes. But in real life I am afraid what will happen when she notices that my face resembles that explorer impaled by spikes that Indiana Jones finds in the tomb on Raiders Of The Lost Ark.
#4 lojope (7806) Score: 25,403,942
Picture 1: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1086954906232610746/1/ass.JPG
Picture 2: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1091794066563524120/1/PHOTO1.JPG
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=7806
lojo lojo lojo! That is in my name now. My latest flame! I pine over this woman like a dog does over a piece of meat. Only one thing is, the dog often gets to eat meat. I get nothing. I don't know what is wrong with me that when I meet people in real life they have the urge to beat me with heavy chains, tar and feather me, and let me loose from a small aircraft at 4000 feet without a parachute.
#5 Anansie (4863) Score: 23,203,574
Picture: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1089608180745031758/1/Me,%20Fuckers.JPG
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=4863
She plays guitar! My only talents are talking about who I would love to nail on ubersite and computer programming. Doesn't that sound pathetic? I guess I really am.
#6 Ainkara (2429) Score: 23,202,433
Picture 1: http://stuff.ubersite.com/108264859040555327/1/yesheisarealperson.jpg
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=2429
I love this picture. I can't see her very well, but she qualifies to be on my list because she does own two legs. And what is even better is that if I don't have a shot with her, I might have a shot with that cute looking guy she's with! Rawwwrr! You're hot, tiger.
#7 SpikeGoddess (2445) Score: 22,102,300
Picture: http://stuff.ubersite.com/107263047138744305/1/foruber.jpg
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=2445
I don't know how many of you realize I do masturbate to pictures of female users (some males, but they HAVE to be hot) that are posted on ubersite. But, don't blame me. I'm a programmer! Have you ever met one of us in real life? We are as dull as a al-qaeda scimitar. If you don't realize I would beat off to pictures of anything that resembles a girl, you are the foolish one.
#8 cassiopeia (2560) Score: 21,023,400
Picture: http://temp.bumtasticq.servebeer.com:3600/mebrooks.jpg
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=2560
Very cute!!! I can't wait to wrap my arms around that and feel all over with my grubby hands. Oh, and the girl in the picture is decent, too.
#9 FilthyAssistant (8497) Score: 20,998,277
Picture: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1086813901503710433/1/fing.JPG
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=8497
To tell you the truth, I see that finger gesture a few times everyday. I tried it a couple times myself, but each time I was left on the floor spitting up blood. I quit doing it.
#10 PAS (262) Score: 18,034,323
Picture: http://stuff.ubersite.com/105883548141325755/1/pissup.jpg
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=262
My mommy says beer is bad for me so I am not allowed to drink. Plus, what would happen if I knocked it over onto my keyboard? I am never away from my computer so that is the only place I could drink that stuff. If I lost my computer, I would most definately commit suicide.
#11 ohlookasquirrel (3630) Score: 17,329,493
Picture 1: http://stuff.ubersite.com/10850849651078706/1/me+lynn+stella.jpg
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=3630
I love the gray hair look. She's hot as hell. Does anyone think I have a shot with this babe? Some people say my standards are dropping. I tell them they are wrong because they were never there to begin with.
#12 Nicole3 (624) Score: 16,302,234
Picture 1: http://temp.bumtasticq.servebeer.com:3600/uberpost/624a.jpg
Picture 2: http://stuff.ubersite.com/108679321674385851/1/compilation2.jpg
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=624
I often meet women that look like this. When I introduce myself, their typical response is "Get lost, loser." It makes me want to kill myself. But then I think of binary code, processors and LED displays and I get happy again.
#13 Loren1 (500) Score: 15,340,112
Picture: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1044470548259417548/1/me3.jpg
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=500
Oh loren, how would someone as intelligent as you ever look at me as a decent human being that you could sleep with? When I look for hookers, I try to find one that looks like you. I dream it is you and have her read your posts I have printed out. Then I answer back to her about how many hits I got last week. She looks puzzled and angry. So, I say "-2 no comment!" to her and she leaves without being paid or me getting any action.
#14 Lisa (1671) Score: 14,309,034
Picture: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1073808757900913869/1/me.jpg
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=1671
Drool. Drool. Drool. I have this picture on a frame and tell everyone it is my girlfriend. If someone gets persistent in asking to meet you, I put the picture away and break down crying and I say that you died.
#15 UrbaneMischief (3101) Score: 13,029,364
Picture: http://stuff.ubersite.com/10746355783669423/1/mebig.jpg
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=3101
And this is the last picture. This woman I have no chance in hell in dating, and neither the other 14 that are here. I hope one day to score but I realize I am better off hacking away at a keyboard in some industrial complex somewhere. I am not cut out for relationships. Everytime I go on a date I have to talk about how many gigs of harddrive space I have open or that I am going to buy some new faster RAM memory. Do women not like to hear these wonderful things? How can someone not be excited by the thrills of C++ and javascript?
User Reviews
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-26 16:45:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
he's referring to your aunt OLAS. Read again
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-08-26 12:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Manfre thought I was a dude? Wow.
Also fake fetish, wtf is this supposed to mean:
"Does anyone think I have a shot with this babe? Some people say my standards are dropping. I tell them they are wrong because they were never there to begin with. "
Standards dropping? I'm below your standards?!
Huh?
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why am I not on this????
My life is OVER!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2004-08-25 22:37:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-08-24 23:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-24 13:29:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, fake Fetish post...THAT explains why it was good.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-08-24 23:07:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not the real fetish.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-24 20:13:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by facts (user info) at 2004-08-24 20:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-08-24 19:35:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Family fucking Circus is funnier than this guy.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-24 18:56:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've been cloned again. Sweet!
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-08-24 16:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by carsontheedge (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:26:15 (#)
Ranking: 1
Filthyassistant is by far the hottest. She would look good first thing in the morning without makeup, bedhead and all.
--------------------------------
From what I've seen on this list, based solely on physical appearance, I would put Filthyassistant at a tie for #1 with Urbane Mischief. She has a very INTENSE beauty.
But HOORAY for Uber babes!
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-08-24 14:43:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-08-24 14:20:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as fuck.
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-08-24 14:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-08-24 14:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahahaha.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-24 13:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, fake Fetish post...THAT explains why it was good.
Submitted by VindicationBot (user info) at 2004-08-24 13:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA! Another fake Fetish post
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that's funny, because Lisa actually IS my girlfriend.
http://www28.brinkster.com/andrewrules/lisa.jpg
mmmmmmm.... oh yes.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:50:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#14 Lisa (1671) Score: 14,309,034
Picture: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1073808757900913869/1/me.jpg
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=1671
Drool. Drool. Drool. I have this picture on a frame and tell everyone it is my girlfriend. If someone gets persistent in asking to meet you, I put the picture away and break down crying and I say that you died.
---------------------------
I cannot believe I am doing this...but this part was funny. +2 For that. -1 for another "Suck piss out of" post. +1 for including the two hottest mommas on the internet, FilthyAssistant and Circe.
I hope you know this does not mean I forgive you for all your past infractions.
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:35:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by carsontheedge (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:26:15 (#)
Ranking: 1
Filthyassistant is by far the hottest. She would look good first thing in the morning without makeup, bedhead and all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Agreed.
Submitted by carsontheedge (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Filthyassistant is by far the hottest. She would look good first thing in the morning without makeup, bedhead and all.
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:25:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:21:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For some reason I always thought ohlookasquirrel was a guy.
Christ I need to get back in the loop.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You actually wrote something that was hilarious. Good job.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:10:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty damn funny man, lots of time involved in scrounging for photos i bet... little creepy..
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:59:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:19:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
And to think I was banned for using Razor's name. Oh yeah, that's because I had the guts to change my own external name, not make another account like a pussy, so the people who read this can't think about your apparent flaws.
Overdone and unfunny.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:15:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're a cunt but this was fucking funny
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-24 10:39:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My name!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-08-24 10:05:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just don't understand.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-24 10:03:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckin' hilarious
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-24 10:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-08-24 09:59:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
But then I think of binary code, processors and LED displays and I get happy again.
=========================================
Hahaha
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-08-24 09:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amusing.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-08-24 09:49:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-24 09:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My ass stayed firmly in place, but i had it pinned down under the rest of my body.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-24 09:37:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-08-24 09:34:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
laughed my indian ass off
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-24 09:31:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm just glad I'm never on this list.