ÜberPoll: Slacker Jobs (2426 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Miscellaneous
Rating: 1.33 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jimbo (View user info) at 2004-08-24 10:58:11 EDT
Well, I guess you could make the argument this my first bullshit post (or just most recent). I don't really have anything substantive to say, except to relate the following anecdote:
I was at the dinner table last night with the wife and kids, and my wife asked our oldest daughter what she wanted to be when she grew up, and she said the following words to her:
"I dunno... I guess something where I can make lots of money without a lot of work."
Just before I was to start berating her for her insolence, a calm came over me and I thought to myself: this girl is a genius. What a life perspective.
I bought her a pony just for saying that. Not really.
So what is it, Überfriends? What profession makes the most money for the least amount of effort? Doctor? No, too much schooling and hassle with patients. Lawyer? No, too many long hours and billing demands.
Hmmm, maybe stock trader?
Give it to me, friends.
User Reviews
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-09-27 12:13:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't know, i don't want to work and not be homeless, more like a Jack Kerouac/Hunter Thompson Fear and Loathing/On The Road-type ordeal. Of course, who doesn't?
Submitted by SleeplessSoldier (user info) at 2004-09-06 18:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
give me another tom story
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-09-05 22:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My dentist.... he works approx 5 hours a day, 4 days a week.
Comes in, glances briefly at your teeth, says "looks good!" and pockets a ton of money.
Bitch.
Submitted by MouRNIngLoRY (user info) at 2004-09-05 17:02:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My job is the easiest job on the face of the earth.
I sit in a cube, and answer phones for AT&T Wireless, so customers can buy lines of service. I hadly have to talk to customers and if I do it's just to ask for social security numbers and birthdates and then tell them when they are going to receive a phone.
Meanwhile, I get paid $8.50 an hour, which may not seem like a lot, but minimum wage in NY is $5.15, AND I come out with a lot of commission every month...because with every sale I make, I'm also putting a minimum of $13 in my pocket. AND I'm not working at Walmart or a grocery store.
Meanwhile, I have time to do homework, cruise the Internet all day (I tink I have actually run out of Internet, though), shop online and crack jokes to people around me.
AND I have enough time on my lunch to go have a couple martinis.
Submitted by PurpleTurkey (user info) at 2004-09-05 16:23:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a "system engineer" for a company that hosts web sites for financial institutions. All I do is surf the web all day and occasionally bounce a web server. For this monumental task I am compensated at a rate that is amusingly high for the amount of actual work I do. I figure that every time I bounce a server it costs the company about $200, and I do this on average 1 to 3 times a day. Not bad for hitting the power button and making sure that it comes back clean.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-08-27 13:40:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, if you really think about it, you either get paid for what you do or you get paid for what you know. I'm willing to bet that people who get paid for what they know make more money and don't work nearly as hard as the people who get paid for what they do. My advice, find something she likes and specialize so that she is an expert on something, preferably something marketable. I get away with a lot of bullshit because nobody else can make a spreadsheet stand on its head and sing like I can. My compound annual growth rate analysis alone justifies every two hour lunch I've ever taken.
Just a thought.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-08-27 13:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Write for Uber and get paid to do it.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-26 11:18:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bullpen catcher in the majors. Sit in the sun all day, get to wear a jersey, warm up a pitcher occasionally, you can be optioned onto the roster just in case, and you earn whatever ungodly amount league minimum is these days. Now thats easy.
Submitted by welshwitch (user info) at 2004-08-26 10:53:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Without question, Televangelist. Get an online Ministry certificate, cable access show, and starting up the old Dialing for Dollars.
Submitted by Clare at 2004-08-26 09:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i don't think anyone else has said this yet, despite it being pretty obvious, so...
prostitute
I mean coome on - it's money for sex!! (yeah i know it's illegal and you'll probably get beat up regularly y your pimp, but anyways)
Submitted by revoltingfuck (user info) at 2004-08-25 22:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Slacker is a Generation X term. I hate it.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-08-25 22:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty much any state job. At most fed jobs, theyre grunt work and good wage, and at least here in Nevada its ridiculously hard to lose a state job.
-BongZilla
and whoever said dermatologist is a douche, because they have to get through medschool, undergrad and then 6-8 years of medical school is a fucking job in itself. Yah, they make dough, so does every other doctor because they are smarter than you.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-25 12:11:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:10:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
My roomate's drug dealer pimps his girlfriend. It's really good money.
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Yes, drug dealing and pimping are great trades.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-08-25 11:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jimbo,
A tip of the hat to you:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/42839
Submitted by G_Nonny (user info) at 2004-08-24 19:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do hydraulics engineering and I'm pretty damn busy. But then again, I guess I'm ubering right now at work.
My mate does civil engineering and that seems pretty cruisy for him.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-08-24 17:44:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Colecting a dead person's social security check while you cash your own unemployment one.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-08-24 16:51:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
network admin in a fortune 5 company... yup, works for me.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-08-24 16:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pharmacy isn't bad when you first get out of school, but you don't really ever get raises.
I want no part of anything that has to do with body fluids and/or the risk of prison so no medicine or drug dealing.
She could do what I did, get an accounting degree, work for a couple of years in a Big 4 sweat shop to pad that resume, and then find something with unrestricted internet access and a fair amount of downtime. I don't know if I would pick accounting again, it's not like I grew up dreaming of spreadsheets, but it's not bad and hell I have to be somewhere from 8:30 to 5:30 everyday or I'd be permanently high.
It's not that I'm not reading you stuff Jimbo, it's that oddly enough the past few weeks have been a bit out of control for me.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-24 15:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if you are a regular user of this site, you have a slacker job.
if you are a regular user of this site and are emotionally invested in it; you have a problem too.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-08-24 15:20:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's been said a million times, but it's worth saying again: Professional athletes are money leaches.
Other than that...
Pharmacist? I don't know.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-08-24 13:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There's this trend of people in my area who buy old shitty houses, renovate them, and sell them for twice their original amount. That doesnt seem too tough, granted you know what you're doing.
Either that or a slot jockey.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-24 13:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Undisputed winner is: PIMP. Just above stock trader, because it requires little or no education.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:52:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to be a professional baseball player.
Submitted by cantrell (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:01:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm thinking porn star
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eddie in Bottom solved this riddle.
Its being the extras in bar scenes on tv programmes. You get put on the set with a pocket full of cash and you just sit there and drink free beer. Then you get a wage at the end of the day.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*I've got to...
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jimbo, you need to get into civil engineering. I used to bust my ass in the mechanical field, too. In fact my degree is M.E. After the company that I worked for screwed me over by not recoginzing my ideas and then turning around and patenting them, I left.
I got to go out to a construction site now, measure a few pipes, watch the trucks drive around a little, tell a few jokes to the construction workers, and stop for pizza and beer for lunch. I have some survey work on a local college campus to do too, but I'm putting that off until school starts back up, so I can enjoy the scenery.
I'm exaggerating...and being a prick....sorta.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actors
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:14:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Um, a writer?
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bob, I need to work at your company. I'm an enginner, too, and I bust my scrotum all day, every day, trying to commercialized our damn products. Damn you.
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How about graphic design or cartooning.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The guy on the couch who finds quarters between the couch cusions.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scrotum scraper.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually come to think about it, my friend just became a dentist last year. After a month work he went on a 5 month vacation around the world. Came back worked for another two months, then went away for the summer to Europe... interesting...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:11:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I wouldn't say dermatologist because they have to sandblast warts off of 70 year old men's asses. "
That's the funniest shit I've read in a long time hahahahahha
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My roomate's drug dealer pimps his girlfriend. It's really good money.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:10:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't say dermatologist because they have to sandblast warts off of 70 year old men's asses.
I would have to say engineer. All you have to do is learn calculus, heat transfer, hydraulics, and CAD for four years in a drunken haze. Then you sit on your ass, make a suggestion or occasional blueprint in between uber-posts for the next 45 years. You get to travel. You get to pretty much be your own boss if you are competent. Mechanical, civil, environmental, or electrical engineering all pretty much do this to the best of my observation.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
substitute teaching... wait a minute you said lots of money.
Pizza delivery, actually the workload is as minimal as it gets... oh yeah your talking money again, Hmmmmm...
I know! I know! Dot com Millionaire!
Submitted by jojojojoan (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:06:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Those people who make money telling you how to get rich quick.
Meanwhile they're getting rich.
Effortlessy
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
chiropractors, hand models and dermatologists.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/41096
Submitted by oxanar (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
President of the U.S.A?
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:01:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Models.
They get paid (a lot) to stand around and look good.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Dermatologist. Although they have to go to Med school, they can see about 30 patients an hour, and at 1000 Gs an hour, they can afford to work 2 hours a day and spend the rest on the yacht.
this makes me think...another post coming right up...