Canadians are Whiny Little Bitches (1207 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.48 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by vodka7tall <vodka7tall.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-24 11:41:30 EDT
Now before you go getting your panties in wad, allow me to explain. I myself am Canadian, and on most days could not be prouder of my country. I love maple syrup and Canadian bacon, my favourite sport is hockey, and I show off my beaver on a regular basis.
But ever since the onset of the 2004 Summer Olympics, it has come to my attention that Canada, as a whole, is a bunch of whiny little bitches. My beloved homeland is currently sitting in 24th place in the medal standings with 1 gold, 3 silvers, and a bronze - a dismal showing at best. This doesn't upset me, because, well frankly, the summer Olympics blow, and I don't give a flying fuck how badly we suck at synchronized swimming, which everyone knows isn't really a sport anyway.
What upsets me is our response to our crappy performance. We COULD hang our heads in shame, and come to terms with the fact that we suck. We COULD be sportsmanlike and congratulate the rest of the world for kicking the crap out of us in nearly every event. We COULD be thankful we've won ANY medals, considering that we get about 2 full minutes of summer here a year, and as a result, bite the big one at anything which doesn't involve snow and/or ice. We COULD go any one of these routes, and still manage to maintain even the slightest shred of dignity. But OOOOHHHHH NO, not Canada. What do we do instead?
We appeal.
As if it wasn't bad enough that we cried and whined when we lost the gold to the Russians in figure skating (also not a sport, by the way) at the 2000 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, to the point where they actually just GAVE us a gold medal to get us to shut the hell up. This year we're stepping up the cry-baby routine. This year, we're bringing on the hissy fits in full force.
Not only are we complaining about being disqualified in rowing ("we didn't cross into their lane, they crossed into ours!!!"), we're also throwing a tantrum about not getting a medal in gymnastics. Our team placed 4th in men's vault, so we're stomping our feet, whining and pouting, and screaming "unfair judging practices!!!" in between pathetic sobs of bitter defeat.
"We should have won the bronze! We should have won the bronze! The other guy went out of bounds, we should have won the bronze!!" Wah, wah, wah, fucking sniff, wah, wah.
Enough already. Seriously. Shut up about things not being fair. Be thankful that you've been given the opportunity of a lifetime to travel the world and play sports for a living. Be grateful that you're not one of the poor schmucks stuck back here, slaving away (ha ha, like what I'm doing right now is even close to slaving away) at some crap hole job, stuck inside on one of the few nice days a year we get.
All that pansy-ass whining you've been doing? You might as well drink a great big glass of shut-up juice, 'cause I don't wanna hear it. My tax dollars just paid for your round trip ticket to sunny skies and Mediterranean beaches, so suck it up and at least act like you've got a minimal amount of maturity. You're getting paid to represent this country, so if you're gonna be a loser, you might as well be a gracious one. Prancing around in a speedo and bathing cap already makes you look like enough of a wanker. Adding to that by throwing a fit like an epileptic under a strobe light REALLY isn't the type of representation the rest of us were hoping for.
Besides, no one back here even gives a shit about any sport not played with a puck anyway.
Oh, and just for shits and giggles, here's a picture of my recommendation for the 2008 Canadian men's swim team uniforms. Nothing says athlete (or heterosexual, for that matter) like a one-legged man in a rainbow coloured banana hammock, complete with hat that says "I'm a HE!man". Nice, very nice indeed.
User Reviews
Submitted by Supreme_Overlord (user info) at 2005-05-21 19:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, fooled you. Here you go, you deserve it.
Submitted by Supreme_Overlord (user info) at 2005-05-21 19:32:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for hating on the whiny BS.
And damn those liberals, keeping us from returning to the Golden Age that exists ever since I imagined it just now.
Submitted by Steveo_1092 (user info) at 2005-05-21 19:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Liberals are just a bunch of queers!
Submitted by Punishment. <neophyte_blade.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-24 15:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
People still watch the olympics?
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2004-08-24 15:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shit_Flinging_Ape (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:46:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
If it wasn't for the large number of Canadians on this site, we wouldn't ever discuss them. You never hear them mentioned in the USA unless they make the news... which is rare... Canadians are like sloths and sea cucumbers. Everyone knows they exist, but they aren't exactly worth talking about.
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THAT was funny.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-08-24 15:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't even been watching the Olympics...I've got better things to do with my time (what that is, I'm not sure yet), but this whole judging thing annoys me. I agree with the post; I'm Canadian too and its sort of sad.
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2004-08-24 14:45:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
We might have has a good Olympic showing if the fed government didn't cut all Olympic training programs so that we could afford the billion dollar gun registry. If I had a gun, I would shoot the liberals.
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-08-24 14:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
beauty. sad to say, it doesnt make me care, but it was a well written point.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-08-24 14:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
does anyone like the summer games, really? i don't know who's whining about canada's medal count, but it sure isn't me. the u.s. has like 150 medals and i don't care either. does it actually make a difference in your life? i agree, any whiners should be slapped as hard as possible. medal count is not indicative of anything.
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-08-24 14:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-24 13:56:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Where the fuck is his leg?
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You know, it actually took me 3 or 4 looks at this pic to notice he was missing half a leg. I was laughing so hard at the brightly coloured penile area, I didn't even realize he's not only a freak, but a one-legged freak at that.
I don't understand why he doesn't just wear a sign that says "Please direct your attention to my crotch".
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-08-24 14:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"and I show off my beaver on a regular basis"
That has earned you a gold medal in ratings
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-08-24 14:00:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
everyone is whining this year though, not just canadians.
though canadians are, by default, the worst.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2004-08-24 13:59:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shit_Flinging_Ape (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:46:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
If it wasn't for the large number of Canadians on this site, we wouldn't ever discuss them. You never hear them mentioned in the USA unless they make the news... which is rare... Canadians are like sloths and sea cucumbers. Everyone knows they exist, but they aren't exactly worth talking about.
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Well obviously, fuck. No one on here talks about fucking Turkish people, but im sure if 40% of Ubers were Turkish people would be. If fucking americans werent here, we wouldnt talk about them. There are several hundred countries.
The States isnt mentioned here in canada.. or in Turkey unless they make the news.
Another ignorant asshole who thinks the US is the whole world; round up the inbred children, get in your fucking pick-up truck, and drive it off a cliff dumbass. And its obvious he didn't even take the smallest attempt to read the article in saying 'they' arent worth talking about and not 'you' beacause the writer was Canadaian and it was pretty funny.
Not that all Americans are like that =)
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-24 13:56:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where the fuck is his leg?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2004-08-24 13:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha! canadian pride man! right on!
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:54:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"What the hell? What's next? A gold medal in bingo, bowling or belching? We suck."
i remember they tried to get bridge into the olympics
Submitted by Dino (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the Post
-2,000,000 for the Pic.
Submitted by Shit_Flinging_Ape (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:46:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If it wasn't for the large number of Canadians on this site, we wouldn't ever discuss them. You never hear them mentioned in the USA unless they make the news... which is rare... Canadians are like sloths and sea cucumbers. Everyone knows they exist, but they aren't exactly worth talking about.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:43:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You'd think that Canada would do well, what with their discount pharmacies and all.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:35:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ramzito (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:19:09 (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a fuckin moron.
First of all you little dipshit, these people train their whole fuckin lives to get to where the got. And to have their dreams taken away by some half-assed judge is something you'll never experience because you are a scrawny little brat that has nothing better to do than to read and write posts on uber and jerk off to pictures of the women on this site.
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Holy shit... I think I lost my penis! Maybe it fell out of my pantleg. It's gotta be around here somewhere!!!
Has anyone seen my penis??? Anyone?? Oh dear God, please won't you help me find my penis???
What's that you say? A vagina? Oh, I see. Just a min... oh thank God. There it is right there. Whew! Scared me for a minute.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
simply for the title
Submitted by Ramzito (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:19:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a fuckin moron.
First of all you little dipshit, these people train their whole fuckin lives to get to where the got. And to have their dreams taken away by some half-assed judge is something you'll never experience because you are a scrawny little brat that has nothing better to do than to read and write posts on uber and jerk off to pictures of the women on this site.
Secondly, something needs to be done about our athletes, they need to be given more money to train and have better facilities because we live in Canada... we are part of the G8, therefore we should be right up there in the medal standings. People like you are the idiots that have no clue about anything. So why don't you shut your little trap, suck a dick and get the fuck out of this country, you pisshole of a bitch.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:18:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone noticed that every country of the G8 top the medal count list except us ?
I guess Romania is a world power.
Submitted by carsontheedge (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not to mention what we won our medals for. Trampoline!!!!????? Since when did that become a sport. Synchronized diving? Men's artistic gymnastics??!!! Parolympics wheelchair race. What the hell? What's next? A gold medal in bingo, bowling or belching? We suck.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:12:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Canadians are delicious with a hint of hollandaise sauce.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cackled liberally.
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-08-24 12:00:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-24 11:58:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree completely with your sentiment. The Olympics do blow, only obnoxious Americans give a shit about them anyhow.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we're better in winter.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:55:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
amen sister
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:51:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we just won our second gold, womens cycling... stop crying!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
agreed alot of whining, but hey what can you do, let's just go and win the World Cup and all will be right in the world!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-24 11:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thumbwrestling should be an olympic event.