Suzanne Sommers ruined the perfect hot dog. (716 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.29 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by I Rule You <american_idiot420.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-24 16:30:00 EDT
There it was. A ten inch, all beef hot dog, cut in half and put on 2 buns. American cheese, bacon, and relish. All that was needed was the ketchup (ketchup? catsup? fuck catsup, catsup is ghey). I opened the refrigerator, saw some ketchup, and grabbed it, not bothering to read the label. Damn, I drowned those hot dogs. I loves me some ketchup. I stood back for a second and admired my masterpiece. These were to be the king and queen of all hot dogs. The hot dogs that other hot dogs looked up at and thought "Damn, now THAT'S a hot dog!" What, hot dogs can't think? Fuck you.
I put the hot dog down on the table and pulled up a chair. This was to be a glorious occassion. Trumpets would sound, babies would smile, an angel would get it's wings, and Fetish would finally stop being such a prick. Ok, maybe not the last one, but the rest are all true, I swear. I picked up the wonderful, wonderful dog, ready to enjoy every second of it. I bit down. And then, something terrible happened. The ketchup. This ketchup had to be the worst tasting thing I had ever had the displeasure of having in my mouth. Worse than bugs. Worse than poo. Worse than Bart's dick...wait, what? Anyway, this shit was nasty. My perfect hot dogs were ruined. I jumped up, enraged, and went to look in the fridge. And there it was, mocking me. Suzanne Sommers Ketchup. It supposedly has less sugar. Apparently there's a demand for horrible tasting ketchup.
I was furious. I wanted revenge. I wanted blood for my ruined hot dogs. I had remembered hearing something about Ms. Sommers having a summer home around here, so I looked in the phone book. Sure enough, there it was. I wrote down the address and drove over there.
As I was driving my rage was building and building. Who would be so evil as to make bad tasting ketchup? How COULD you make bad tasting ketchup? It's just tomatoes and some other simple shit! Who was...oooh is that Dairy Queen? I sure could go for a blizzard.
Suzanne, you better thank Dairy Queen and it's wonderful products for saving your life. Now I'm off to smoke a bowl and enjoy my blizzard and some Primus.
User Reviews
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2004-08-25 08:42:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Susszanne Summers....?
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-08-24 17:10:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have had it too. I can only +2 you in sympathy.
Submitted by Cryopaul (user info) at 2004-08-24 17:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THAT EVIL, OLD BITCH. I hope this is shenanigans, cause I don't like Dairy Queen so it won't stop my fury.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-08-24 16:52:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-08-24 16:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh is right.
Submitted by lrw (user info) at 2004-08-24 16:44:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 cuz a bowl + primus + a blizzard = one kick ass time
Submitted by facts (user info) at 2004-08-24 16:33:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh