Fetish Explores His Sexuality and Scores! (1487 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.33 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lojo and Fetish sitting in a tree... (View user info) at 2004-08-25 17:50:07 EDT
I have been a shitty ubersite user. I admit that, but I will make amends by offering this glimpse into my personal life.
As all my posts with anything supposedly unique in them, I will basically steal someone else's idea and make it appears as my own.
Kristen and this post : http://www.ubersite.com/m/42247
Oh Kristen, your exquisite pulchritude is burned into my brain like a DVD-R. I would travel at Warp 7 on the Enterprise for endless years if only to have a brief moment in your company. There is not one Borg, battle droid or storm trooper that could stop me from my mission to make you the happiest woman on the face of Hoth, despite its bitter cold temperatures. (Sigh.) I'd wrap you in my tiny arms and whisk you away to lands you could only dream about, as long as the dream isn't like the ones in Dreamscape. Now I'm scared and have just urinated in my own pants. What a way to ruin my love tribute to this tantalizing jewel of womankind.
Oh, yes! Let me get back to my post.
After reading her post and deciding it was time to explore my sexuality, I tried the local clubs. The responses were worse than I had anticipated.
I heard terrible things that night which tore wounds and left long scars on my heart as I walked from woman to women to ask them out on a date. Things such as: "I don't date losers that still wear parachute pants.", "I hope one of these speakers falls from the ceiling and punctures your lungs to kill you right on the dance floor.", and even worse things like: "You aren't my type, but maybe my friend Steve will be interested.", and "Aren't you the guy who jumped off the World Trade Center on 9/11 and survived by landing on your face?"
Soon after, I would be dashing out of the place with tears in my eyes as the DJ stopped the music and made an announcement about "The freak leaving the building with his ego finally reduced to the size of his penis." To add insult to injury he played that track "It's A Heartache" by Bonny Tyler as everyone jeered and laughed at me. Could it ever get any lower than this?
I got home and checked out ubersite to only find people making fun of me and -2'ing all my old posts. Life could not get any worse. Thanks, Tom. You are such an insensitive jerk.
So, I reached into my porno stash and pulled out the Video "New Wave Hookers #5" and tossed it into my DVD ROM. To my surprise my pink pygmy didn't agree with my selection.
"Oh, great! Now I can't beat off." I thought as I looked for other methods of inspiration.
I pulled out my shoebox with printed photos of the girl's I'd "suck the piss out of" from ubersite. My beloved Kristen, Lojope, Circe, and everyone else failed to arouse me. I was about to give up when I picked up a piece of paper.
There, on the paper was printed "<script type="text/javascript">" and proceeded to a little program I had written.
"What the?"
My midget muscle's pulse had come to life.
Quickly, I grabbed up my Javascript book from my unbelievable programming book collection from my shelf. I will brag about that collection in a later post, no doubt boring you all to death.
Right then inspiration struck me. I reached into my CD case grabbed a Redhat Linux CD ROM that was inserted in its protective sleeve. My wonderful idea was that I could fit my penis through the center hole and go to town on it!!!
While much can be said for a large penis, I feel the opposite is most definitely true. I fucked that CD-ROM like there was no tomorrow to an unbelievable climax. It was amazing.
Kristen, you may be a hottie...but as long as I got my Redhat Linux CD you will face stiff competition for my love.
The End
Fetish_Has_A_Redhat_Fetish
User Reviews
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-22 22:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too bad Bart banned this guy.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-22 09:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome, awesome post. I laughed out loud.
+2 thumbs up.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-10-22 04:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I Love You Kristen http://www.ubersite.com/m/42889 + Erics Obsession http://www.ubersite.com/m/44347 uberboard
Sorry dude, Kristen's mine.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/48371#876504
Submitted by Fake at 2004-10-22 04:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This obviously isn't the real Fetish.
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-10-22 04:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
meh
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-22 03:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha. Very good.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-08-26 13:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Uhm.... blumpkin ??
Submitted by hockyman (user info) at 2004-08-26 09:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate fetish and his stupid username changes to include lojope, you are a fucking dweeb without any sense of humor. Get over this website you moron
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-26 06:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I rate you dis just coz of new wave hookerz. That shit is ILL!!
Submitted by Jigga_poo (user info) at 2004-08-26 05:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
asshoela i hae u
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-08-25 21:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
wow..ok
Submitted by ToxicNarcotic (user info) at 2004-08-25 20:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-08-25 20:14:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder how many people really read this! Haha. Funny shit. Keep it up, fake fetish.
Submitted by notwelcomehurr (user info) at 2004-08-25 20:06:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i hope you get fucked up the ass you pathetic mother fucking loser.
if there was award for being a loser, you'd only be runner-up, that's how much of a fucking loser you are.
eat shit and die die die die die die.
Submitted by whofookincareslooser at 2004-08-25 19:59:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I would rather have a posh wank than read all that.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-08-25 18:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-08-25 18:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/42892
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-25 17:55:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fake Fetish sucks.
I'll link my post here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/42884